POT BLACK DART CHUCKERS

PAULS SUMMER WAFFLE!

2011-06-08T07:57:00.000-07:00

Hi all
weekend sportsman here and raring to go!! true enough I havent done a blog since xmas but I can confirm the draft is in my hotmail acount. I still cant access this account I may get it to you by next year. But dont hold your breath- not because I like you but because I need you all for the summer league team.

Where shall I start? its been so long and I normally cant even remeber the next day so what chance do i have??!!

WHATS CHANGED?
Fluff cant throm his darts!
Linx has 2 ar**h***s!
Snatural cant walk!
Serious gets more serious!
Skip has retired!
Mick Wall gets a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

The season has finished and as usual we came second, a close run thing losing on legs only!

Skip has retired and we wish him all the best, so the race is on to be new skipper, currently there are no hats in the ring for this prestige job!!! Any skipper who takes over has a massive run of 2nds to contend with!!!!

THINKING ABOUT WHERE IT ALL WENT WRONG........

The default answer is well PH was awful all year and admittedly if I could somehow got myself to the mediocre level with the odd splash of form which I produced for 10 years we would have won!!! in reality we all had chances at times in the year, if it was easy to win it would be boring, MAYBE NEXT YEAR!? BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF FUN!!!!!! ITS A FRIDAY FOR F**** SAKE!!!!!

I would speak about the tournaments but the general theme is failure, well apart from one person and Im sure he has mentioned himself to you all already! ha ha

FREE TO A GOOD HOME

Now this monkey is going free to a good home, apparantley he is unbelievably loyal. His favourite food is lola kitchin, and his drink of choice worthington.
So why is this addorable creature going free?
Well he firmly sat on the back his previous owner for several year's but is now surplus to requirements as his owner is now festival league singles champion!!
all enquiries to Matt Hook.
( On a more SERIOUS note, well done mate!)

BUNGLES PROMOTION DREAM

Well with the Scum soaring towards the premiership and The super Blues stuck in mid table obscurity, I needed reassurance that next year we will once again regain our rightful spot as the pride of Anglia. I caught up with Bungle to find out where it all went wrong and find out the exact plan that Bungle has laid down to Paul Jewell to mastermind our success next season.
weekend sportsman ' So Bungle what do you think about the scum being promoted?
Bungle ' ***k **f '
Weekend Sportsman ' okay good choice of words, So Bungle where do you think it all went wrong this year? '
Bungle ' This year!!!!! this f***** year, it all went wrong years ago when we got that Irish ttttttttwaaa*************aaaaa***t**tttt called Keane all he did was sign rubbish players and treat them like they were retards from the scottish league, these are proper professionals who can actually play the game. Quite frankly he let all of our best players go and the depth of the squad was dramatically reduced!!! I'm still In shock that he let Ulrich Le Pen go, The guy clearly had a sharp eye for goal and loved running at his full back.

Weekend sportsman 'Whats in store for the mighty Town next year?'
Bungle 'Well Paul Ive looked at the competition and its not looking too sharp. Its quite simple really, Torres is lacking in form since his 50m move and will be out of favour with the new manager at Chelsea. He will love a 6-month move to Anglia to regain his form as he has developed an addiction for Cromer crabs on a recent trip to the area and wants to be closer to its source. If he gets the service its a guaranteed 2 goals a game. To provide the service we have the returning Finidi George, after 8 years climatisation training in the artic he can now hold his 10/10 dream team rating in all conditions and is motivated to prove that he was worthy of his ridiculously massive wages he took off us a few years back.
Weekend Sportsman 'but Bungle is 2 goals enough, we were shaky at the back last year?'
Bungle 'You tttttttttwaaa********************aaaaa*****tt***tt (with the head/hand thing) I've obviously thought of that!!!!! Kieron Dyer at right back because he had one good game there for England, Jamie Clapham at left back so we can play neat triangles like the George Burley days with the dynamic duo of Mowbray, and Wark in the centre!!!! Job done, guaranteed promotion.
Weekend sportsman 'cheers Bungle!!!!! '
Bungle 'no probs mate'.

WHERE'S LINX

Over the close season the larger than life character that is Linx has had a 4 stone sist removed from his body. Now I know what your thinking ..........Jesus what a result for the big fella!!!!!!!!, an easy way to drop a couple of waist sizes. Unfortunately Linx could not stand up for weeks and this quick fix method came a cropper as the weight piled back on again. Linx got a cob because I didnt visit enough but I did sneak in one day when he wasn't looking and manage to get one snap of him passing the day away on his computer. The question is................................ CAN YOU SPOT HIM?

http://www.whereslinx.blogspot.com/

GOTTS WATCH

well its been a bit quiet on the Gotts watch front recently, I had an influx a few months back as the hot line went mental for days with spot after spot all over town!!! this cant be correct I thought, is someone just trying to jump on the band wagon and impersonate the Gotts with a view to getting a free ride through life on the back of the tax payers!!!!!!! So what was the quickest way to find out if these were true Gott's spots.......... ring him and ask him???? .... nope..... logged onto facebook- relationship status ...... single... thats solved it yep these spots were all genuine.Now despite several warnings (one particuarly strong one from Fluff) Gotts went back to yarco scum land for one more tilt at 'the family thing' and all went quiet again. Now I have received information in last few days that these spots could once again be on the rise.Face book says single, and the furniture has been moved out, yep Gotts watch is up and running. Shelley Crossley has also got wind of this and filed for a restraining order!!!!

around about 10 people have reported a spiky haired gent with a slightly tubby belly, a limp, jeans with rips on the bottom, un shaven and smelling extremely strongly of aftershave and what looks LIKE A TAIL BETWEEN HIS LEGS! unloading a black car on Yeovil road. The people who reported this are DGs best mates. I believe this to be a true Gotts spot.

JOKE CORNER

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS MAY BE ANSWERED...
Can PH return for an indian summer in the festival league?
Can Snatural walk again?
Can Fluff let go of his darts?
Who is Pot Blacks new skipper?
Will Gott's decide women are'nt for him and turn gay?

Weekend sportsman
over and out!

DARTS COMPETITION

2011-03-25T07:51:00.001-07:00

[CLICK ON IMAGE TO VIEW]

B-TEAM WRITE UP

2011-01-28T08:27:00.000-08:00

Hi Guys

Another week and another dart match and expectations were high with an away visit to the kevill arms who are struggling at the wrong end of the table. A good start with me and Bungle probably playing the best game we have all season to get us 1-0 up. Unfortunately Hos and Goochy then couldn’t start and Oz and Moysie got mugged by a 100 finish before Shoot em up and Clint got us back level. A solid singles from Steve got us ahead again before Goochy fell victim to their second high finish of the night and Stavros (making a rare outing despite still having problems with his stones) couldn’t finish. Clint then nicked us one back and Ozzie followed this with a 114 finish (using the Goochy system of hitting two doubles). A poor game from yours truly left it all square at 5-5 and the last two games were shared with a very good game from Bungle and a shame that Hos couldn’t get away in the last leg. 6-6 final score and another point on the board before we entertain HG next week.

Talking point of the night was provided by Goochy who turned up with four fingers in bandages. Now we are becoming increasingly aware that for many years his idol has been Jeremy Beadle and, whilst growing a beard to emulate the look of his fashion icon is one thing, trying to shorten his fingers does seem to be going a bit too far.

As a caring club and in the interest of health and safety here are some guidelines we trust you will find useful when operating hand held circular saws

1. Always plug power tools into a RCB (circuit breaker) as a safety measure against electrical faults.

2. Wear goggles to protect eyes from dust/chippings and a face/dust mask to prevent breathing in dangerous dust particles.

3. Always read the manufacturers instructions very carefully and follow them.

4. Always seek instruction / training from an appropriately qualified instructor before using any tools, especially power tools.

5. Make sure that the mains cable cannot be tripped over or that it causes a hazard in anyway.

6. G Cramp the material to be cut/shaped to a firm workbench before starting.

7. Fit an extraction bag to the circular saw if one is available. This will collect most of the dust.

8. Before plugging in to the mains, check the condition of the blade. Do not use the saw if the blade looks damaged or worn.
9. KEEP HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE ROTATING BLADE.
10. KEEP HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE ROTATING BLADE
11. KEEP YOUR BLOODY HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE ROTATING BLADE
12. KEEP YOUR BLOODY HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE.ROTATING BLADE YOU PILLOCK

Obviously latching on to this unfortunate injury was our very own self-styled king of the nicknames, Bungle, who is a legend in his own mind. Now Bungle, as you know, has several nicknames of his own but sees himself as something of a guru in allocating new names where deemed necessary. When it comes to choosing new names to be allocated nothing is accepted until given the official Bungle seal of approval (which usually means he thought of it). After much thought, consideration and lager, this font of all knowledge applied himself to the poor unfortunate circumstances of Goochy (aka legend, aka mother Theresa) and decided that henceforth he shall be known as FINGERS! Another good nights work from Bill although he still hasn’t found anything better for Clint (not for the want of trying)

We think there is something rooted in his ancestry that may be of Red Indian origin which enables him to select names based on sights or events. An Indian brave once questioned his father “how did my sister get her name? The chief replied “after she was conceived I left the tepee, looked up and saw a bright star, so I named her bright star”. The brave then asked and how did my brother get his name? The chief replied “after he was conceived I left the tepee and as I looked into the forest I saw a large wolf and so I called him Great Wolf”. The chief was a bit fed up at this point and dismissed the brave saying “enough questions now go to bed Two Dogs Shagging.

More to follow soon

All the best

Quiff

B-TEAM REPORT

2011-01-21T04:07:00.000-08:00

Hi guys

Its been a while since we had an update on the b team, sorry about that but I’ve been a bit stuck for time. Before Christmas we had a good run of games including a good draw away at the marquis and a good win away at the ex servs b, which keeps us well in the top half of the league. The first game after Christmas was the knock out cup and this proved harder to lose than we had thought! Amazing how much easier it is to play when you are not trying. This may sound a little strange but, as last year, it is very doubtful we can get a side to play on good Friday and we don’t want to get fined for getting through again so we had to make sure we didn’t. We didn’t think we would have too much trouble playing the lake lothing as we thought they would beat us easily anyway but the match was played in a very relaxed good spirit and we found ourselves unexpectedly winning legs. Fortunately they managed to hold out and beat us 5-4 and the game went a long way to repairing the damage between the two teams from previous encounters.

Since that we have played our first league game of 2011 and Christmas hangovers were very evident. Poor starting and poor finishing were the order of the night and we struggled to beat hearts of oak c 7-5 thanks to three excellent wins in the last three singles. Goochy who even had time for some showboating with a 66 finish (10, d16, d12), Oz who had a 180 hit against him and held on to check out on 93 and Glynn who was never in danger despite a magoo moment from Stridey on the chalks (yes chalks) who failed to see the winning dart in the double and made him throw another one. All in all a good two points to keep us right up there.

So what has happened over the Christmas period? Poor old Stavros has been laid up with a kidney stone and hasn’t been out, get well soon Darren, Judith King has jetted off to god knows where again and there have been lots of new year resolutions:

Wally has given up the club
Shaun has given up shaving
Moysie has given up hope of Ipswich getting promoted
Billy has given up dartitis
I’ve given up hope of west ham ever playing well again
Stridey has given up the Michael Jackson spin (or rather it has given him up since he showed up with a new friend, Si Attica – unpleasant individual, bit of a pain in the arse)
The score board has given up working (how quaint, a return to chalk and memories of cave paintings – maybe we can all learn how to throw spears again)

In addition to the score board, the club video covering the darts was also not on last week. Apparently this was not a malfunction but as with everything else these days it appears coverage has now moved to Sky so they can extort even more money for watching sport. Coverage of the pot black b team games will now be shown on Sky Sports 234 and home games against the ex servicemens hg will only be available on pay per view at a cost of 10p an hour.

All the best

Quiff

Pot Black A Vs Marquis A

2010-12-08T06:44:00.000-08:00

Hi bloggers its that time again, What happened in the wonderful world of the dart's team this week? After hearing the news that Homeguard have dropped a point we now find ourselves joint top of the table and only a few legs behind!!!!!! I will say that we would be top on legs if me and Snatural had not thrown about 15 games away but we cant worry about that can we!!!!! sorry boys!!!!!!!!!!
So what's happened?

Well the big news this week is the departure of Mr Angry from the Pot Black. The legend of the club Mick Wall is retiring this weekend. I think I speak for everyone at the club when I say he will be sorely missed, Mick created a club that has turned many Young boys into gambler's, alcoholics and Obese men!!!!!!!!!
On a serious note though he has done a massive amount for all the guy's at the club not just the dart players and we all appreciate it!! all the best for the future Wally. You will be missed!!!!!!!!!

Serious gets a sponsorship deal with Latex, they hear of this mans desire for their product and have never really thought of this market for their trade. I hear there will be rubber glove adverts in every break during this weeks world championships.

Smasher puts too much Mighty grip on and has a bit of an incident!!! please see title pic, can I suggest you use one of Serious's gloves next time!!!!!

Bungle Bennett put's his C.V into ITFC in preparation for the imminent departure of Roy Keane. He believes this weeks debacle would have been avoided if Micky Stockwell and Jamie Clapham would have been selected.

THE GAME

A nice 10-2 victory for the Pot Black army.
We cruise into a 4-0 lead with wins from the S Team (Serious and Serious), me and Skip, Smasher and Penfold and Linx (yep you guessed it, not a big game) and Snatural. Another clean sweep in the double's.

Moving into the singles and not a lot changed as we won 6 of the 8 singles. Our Loser's were Serious number 2 Dirty and the coca cola kid Skip. Not one to take the p*** about poor darts play on recent performances but serious 2 did take out a green treble while having a pop at double top I think. After breaking our duck the previous week Myself and Nicky Lark followed up our wins last week and made it 2 in 2 . I think The Snatural is on 3!! almost a streak!!!
Smasher, Linx , Penfold and Serious 1 making up the other winners with Bardy away this week. Have not got the scores so this is slightly sketchy but I can recall Linx scoring like a demon, I popped in a 102 start and I cant imagine serious 1 not getting any high scores.

After the game me and Linx stayed up the Club and no real event's occurred as Fluff was not present to act like an idiot. Linx demolished a chair at the bar so there will be plenty of standing room up there this week. He claimed it was already wobbly, I'm not convinced!!!!

GOTTS WATCH

A staff member from Bannatyne's reported seeing a short spiky haired guy's with an orange face limping into the gym at around 12pm on Wednesday. They said they believe it to be a Gott's spot. he said the guy in question pranced about checking himself out in the mirror at every opportunity just like Gott's would. He was wearing too much aftershave, just like Gott's would. He was lifting far too much than he could handle, just like Gott's would. He saw him chatting to a couple of pretty looking females and went over to listen in, yep in fact he was sherminating, just like Gott's would!!!!I thought how can I check if this is a true Gott's spot ??? then It dawned on me, I popped upstairs and put the computer on, I flicked onto Facebook, logged onto the Gott's profile to find his relationship status said, 'In a relationship' I believe this not to be a fake Gott's spot!

WHERES LINX

http://www.whereslinx.blogspot.com/

THIS WEEK'S NEW FEATURE IS MICK'S MAGIC MOMENT'S, WE CANT FORGET THIS LEGEND SO ILL DO A BIT OF RESEARCH AND TRY GET SOME GOOD STORIES, ILL START WITH THE OBVIOUS.

MICK'S MEMORIES

I'm remembering the magical Pot Black dart's tour, an all time favorite as Wally had a little accident on the plane and had to stroll through the airport in his pants! I blame the mushrooms myself!!!!! At least we all had sympathy for him, me and Linx followed him through the airport so we could video it!!!!!!!!!!! cheer's for that magic Moment.

cheers guy's
see you next week.
Weekend Sportsman over and out.

Pot Black A Vs Factory

2010-12-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

Hi guys I'm really not feeling writing this this week but am gonna take one for the team and make the effort so if its short that's the reason.

Up the factory and it must be a big game, Linx is not present must've got his dates mixed up as his excuse was he was snowed in!

We stroll in and the place has all been done out, I must say it looked very nice a far cry from what we were expecting! This must have inspired us as we put in a pretty decent performance and cruised to a 10-2 win.
The double's end 4-0 as everyone has a pretty decent game. Penfold and Smasher were the stars of the show as they end their game 140, 100, 121, 100 and out!! very impressive Smasher played well but was overshadowed by Penfold who left before the end as he was worried about random drug testing!!!!!

Other winners were the Serious team who looked a little shaky for a while before Dirty checked out a little 110 finish in his first appearance on coke for 8 years!! Myself and Skip, I feel I need to take this opportunity to talk about myself as I wasn't completely horrendous and managed more trebles in this leg than the combined total of the last 3 games!!!! and Bardy and Snatural. Bardy winning because he is Bardy and always wins and Snatural winning because he was in Bardy's team and he always wins!! ..........................Ok Ill let Eddie off his form is definitely on the up but don't tell him I said that!

Into the singles.

Up next me, Following in from the doubles there is definitely a slight up turn , once again no need to get too excited as it may be a KWMC incident and I may be horrific next week but I check in and out first throws (yep amazed me too!) and that made a bit of a difference as I popped in a 102st and won.

Here comes Snatural!! Omg Harrod and Lark both get singles wins in the same week for probably the first time in 2 seasons! (ill check this and get back to you!) Another decent performance from Nicky Lark and we sly off sniggering to the corner to talk about ourselves!!!!

No ones out this week and I pop off back to the club alone! ah well at least I was not obliterated when I got to work the next day so that's good!!!!

GOTT'S WATCH

Well with Gott's watch really gathering pace who will see him this week. Steve and Liz Gotts have not seen The Gott's since he last got dumped so Steve thought where will I go to get a sighting and check the beloved son is well? I have a plan he thought. Anyone know Steve? just imagine Gott's with a belly!!!!!!!! Anyway Gott's is getting sneaky so he doesn't get caught. He parks up his car around 9am in The Mardle, just off The Street and near Famona road, not far from the service station, well within walking distance from Shelley's florist shop and sneaks into the shop. He is comfortable and having a good day until he gets nervous what's up asks Shelley. My dads on his way I must hide, How do you know Gott's? I can hear him moaning a mile away!!!!!! arrrggghhhh where shall I hide? (as you can see from the pic he didn't pick a good spot) Steve strolls in, has a little browse. Can I help you sir? Are you Shelley? yep that's me. I'm Darren's dad I was looking to get a Gott's spot today is he here? nope he isn't here. So that's not his golf glove on the side? nope...... Are you sure he isn't here? nope. So that's not his car parked in The Mardle? nope. At this stage Gotts reveals himself oh damn dad you got me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but how did you know I would be here, you haven't been following me? nope Darren I just phoned Sarah she said he isn't at home so must be at Shelley's shop, turns out she reads the blog too!!!! sprung!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!A truly genuine Gott's spot.

WHERE'S LINX?

http://www.whereslinx.blogspot.com/

Can You Spot Him?

That's all for this week guy's.

Weekend Sportsman over and out.

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-12-02T04:03:00.000-08:00

Hi guys

As you know we played the A Team last week and its a bit difficult to give you a detailed report as they nicked our seats and we couldn’t see a lot. Suffice to say we managed to give them a good run for their money and managed to take it to 5-5 to set up a nervy finish. We really feel we deserved to get something but it wasn’t to be and they held on for a 7-5 win.

This week we had the first game of the second half with the Lake Lothing visiting the club. We all know the history but the night went off without a hitch. Actually they only had six players which gave us a huge advantage and we were able to gain a fairly comfortable 8-4 win to get us two more points and keep us well in the top half of the table.

It was a strange night this week with the club being very quiet which just goes to prove that women do not like driving in bad weather as none of them had brought their other halves out for the night. What a shame, could be quiet next week as well!

Nice to see Goochy arrive sporting a new growth of facial fuzz. At first we thought he had lost the instructions to his razor or was standing too far away from it, but it turns out he was going to keep growing it until he won a match. Thank God he won this week or it could have ended up looking like a cross between Merlin and ZZ Top. At least he can shave it off now. Rumours that he really grew it to counter the ever increasing cost of fuel as a way to keep warmer are totally unfounded.

On a slightly stranger note there was some rather worrying behaviour going on in the bar involving Bungle. I don’t know if he is starting to feel the pressure of being the star of the A Team blog but he was acting strangely. Basically, half way through the night he decided to place himself next to a young lad he didn’t know at the bar whilst trying to persuade him to part with money. We are not sure what the conversation was about but at one point he was clearly heard to ask him “do you come here often?” time for a sharp exit!! We thought this might be a one off moment of madness but later on he was seen by the fruit machine (could be an appropriate name) trying the same thing with three more young lads. We did not hear the conversations in detail but apparently it included the lines “whats a nice boy like you doing in a place like this?”, “where have you been all my life?” and “get your coat you’ve pulled”! come on Bill, if you’re going a bit that way have a word with Kingy, he’s been in Thailand enough he could probably tell you all you need to know!

On a sad note, Wally confirmed that he is leaving the club after 83 years in charge. This is a shame and he will be sorely missed as a brilliant manager, organiser and butt of many jokes. Just make sure you keep coming out with the boys and you can relax and enjoy it. I am sure everyone will join me in wishing him all the very best for whatever he does next. Cheers mate!

Next week we are away to the marquis but unfortunately Myself, Clint and Yid wil be missing so have a good one lads and I’ll see you soon.

All the best

Quiff

POT BLACK A VS POT BLACK B

2010-11-25T03:40:00.000-08:00

Well guys the derby match!!!!! Its not quite Rangers versus Celtic but with bragging rights on the line a very close encounter saw the A come out on top 7-5. With Skip away Linx took on the rein's!!!!!

Doubles

2-2

First up Fluff and Smasher, now Fluff was floating before the game hitting ton after ton after 140. Then the words that send him into stutter mode were said. GAME ON!!!!!!!! Now he cant let go! Brrriiilliiiaannnttt. He made Bungle look like a speed demon in this encounter and despite a 135 from Smasher a solid performance from Atko led the B team to a 1-0 lead.
Next up the serious combo and they don't let us down. 1-1
Stinky and Snatural up next and into a 2-1 lead we go.
Last up Me and Penfold can we secure a 3-1 lead in the doubles? Nope is the answer.... we take a quarter of a year to get away and are never in it. A solid performance from the B boys of Jedward (180) and Glynn and the head start is far too much to overcome.

Singles

First singles, yep its Serious and he plays very serious!! A great game played by Glynn but Hook comes out on top. Speaking of serious I missed out on a revelation the previous week. Smasher is all confident and showing off about his mighty grip!!!! Yeah check him out!!! Just like Whitlock!! Serious is no follower and he sets his own trends. You think that's good I shower in a latex glove on a Friday!!!!!!!!!! oooohhh aren't you cool!!! I have heard Taylor tried it this week!!!!!!
The stutter gun is up next (Fluff) at 3-2 and I get sent to the bar because I'm giving technical advice before the game so I'm not sure what happened. I do know that I had time for 3 pints. But!!!! he did win 4-2!!!!!!!!!!!
Just when we think we are feeling comfortable we lose the next 2 as solid games from Oz 100,100,100 78 fin when he was looking down and out and Atko, took care of Dirty and Smasher.
Linx is up next and a solid performance takes him to victory against the silver fox Moyseee. (I cant believe I don't abuse Moyseee on here more, I think its time I started!!!)
Next up me, yep briillliiaanntttt for the second time tonight I get away 350 behind and am not really in it until Shaun Hos mucks about on a double. I get down to 80 and think I may get a little bit of fortune. Big 1 first dart great, Shaun pops out next throw and I get a much deserved loss!
Its getting extremely tight at 5-5 and its Snatural on!!!!! ewwww.... but alas Smasher's dad shows his son how its done and guarantee's us a point.
So with the score at 6-5 up last was Penfold against former Pot Black A legend, yep the Legend!!! It was a tense battle as both players struggled, Legend took forever to start and Penfold didn't exactly score like the train! just as the Legend looked like catching up and sneaking a draw for the B boys but Penfold snuck his dart into the double and boooommmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!! a 7-5 win!!!! pheeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

Cheers guy's an enjoyable night!!!

Where's Linx

http://www.whereslinx.blogspot.com/

Can you see him????

Penfold it Yourself

Penfold and his brother were working on the house. Penfold's mate who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. Penfold, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" His mate explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!" Penfold got completely pissed off and yelled, "You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!!"

Joke corner

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

Tip of the week

Well guys its the return of an early season feature, yep it's PH's tip of the week. Ever thought eww its a bit cold I wish I could park closer, eww its raining I wish I could park closer. I'm just plain lazy I wish I could park closer! Well guys I have tested it and you can. Myself and Serious show up to the Telecoms for the Chairman's Cup and there isn't a parking space in sight. Don't worry Serious there isn't any traffic wardens about in the day let alone at night we will just stick it here it will be fine. Well it seems that it in fact cost's £30 to park in that particular spot! oh what luck. My tip of the week is!! Park within the restrictions Laziness doesn't pay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cheers guys

weekend sportsman

over and out.

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-11-19T03:50:00.000-08:00

Hi guys

An away trip to the Ole Frank this week and we were all wondering if they were going to do to us what they did to the A-Team and drag a couple of ringers (Joey Payne and Peter Birkett) in for only the second time this year. Fortunately for us this was not the case but it was still a tough match. An excellent start saw us go 3-0 up before they won the last doubles against Clint and Kingy making a rare appearance. This sparked a revival and they won the first three singles, albeit courtesy of their best three players, to put us 4-3 down. A good run then took us to 6-5 up and with their last player against Goochy having never played in the league before, they had virtually given up. Unfortunately our Legend couldn’t stay with the guy who held his nerve and hit a treble 20 every throw! Cant complain though, another good point away from home.

The theme for this week would appear to be travel, involving several of the potty favourites.

Traveller 1 – Moysie

When I say traveller it was more like vanisher. With the usual dilemma on a Friday away game, has he got on the stagecoach with Shoot em up and Clint or is he going to appear at the club 3 seconds before the cab leaves, we phoned a taxi in the hope he was going to be at the Ole Frank, only to arrive to find he wasn’t and no one had heard from him. Hope you’re ok Steve?

Traveller 2 – Yiddo

Again traveller might not be the right word. Another away game and unfortunately Steve couldn’t make it. We realize that his passport might have expired which might explain his inability to go to Kessingland but it now appears he can’t get a visa for anywhere west of Lowestoft College. We should be ok next week as we are at home and his temporary pass to cross the river is still valid.

Traveller 3 – Bungle

A true traveller in every sense of the word. Stories of Billy twelve cabs are now well known throughout the land but on Friday he put in some miles for the cause. Ignoring the fact that the pub we were playing at was only half a mile away, he came all the way to the Pot Black, just to go all the way back again. Not content with this, after the match he got a cab back to the club just to stay for two minutes and get a taxi back again! Strange behaviour you may think although it was apparently because he had left his jacket in the pub and had nothing to do with me challenging him to a game of bowls! [Thankfully Bungle re-located his coat after Mrs Hunt of 10 Carnoustie Drive pointed him in the direction of the pub rather than her living room!!!!]

Traveller 4 – Wally

Now we are getting into the serious professionals. Wally went away on holiday quite some time ago and hasn’t been seen for weeks. We are not sure when he is due back but rumours are starting to circulate that he has been kidnapped by a group of Somalian pirates with relatives in Norfolk. Apparently he will be released if he agrees to wear a yellow and green shirt and sing “on the ball city” for a propaganda video. Wally has apparently held out so far saying he would die first but it might be worth keeping an eye out on you tube.

Traveller 5 – Kingy

Saving the best for last, Darren is THE king when it comes to travel. Having spent years away in the Middle East for work, he has flown more than ever since the job finished. Every time he comes home he can’t wait to get away again. He has visited more countries than swine flu! No-one has yet checked the photographs or looked into the DNA but there is a rumour going around that Michael Palin and Judith Chalmers had a secret love child that may have inherited the family wanderlust. You will notice that whenever you see Darren he always seems to be happy although this is probably not surprising for someone who has collected more air-miles than Captain Kirk. Having said that, his last flight was a bit traumatic as the captain announced that one of the engines had died but assured the passengers that the plane could fly perfectly on three engines but they would be an hour late arriving in England. A bit later he announced that a second engine had failed but there was still nothing to worry about although they would be even longer in the air and would land 2 hours late. Shortly after this, the captain came back on again to say a third engine had failed but the plane could fly perfectly well on one although they would now be four hours late arriving. At this point Darren started to get worried and turned to the person sitting next to him and said “I hope to God the fourth engine doesn’t fail or we’ll be up here all day”.

Not much travel next week we’re at the Potty playing the A team.
All the best
Quiff

Pot Black A vs Kevill Arms

2010-11-19T03:29:00.000-08:00

An opportunity to increase our legs difference but no one was feeling confident with Lark and Harrod in the singles but alas no a 12-0 victory came our way!!!!!!!!! In all truth the only person who looked like losing was me but in a battle of attrition I checked out double 1 after mucking around at the end for the usual 8 throws!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah well a win is a win. Linx turned up because it wasn't a big game and Fluff had his darts out!!! the important news is he managed to let go of them!! how long will that last? text me with replies, ill have it in minutes not days please.

THE GAME

Action pretty limited as everyone held up well under the pressure of the Chesney!!!!!!!!
With the exception of myself everyone cruised to wins. Serious was able to play as he had the night off due to already doing 80 hours for the week. Only absence was Bardy who was not available for selection. This let the Snatural in for a singles and he did not disappoint his fans (Rory was well excited!!!!!) as he took a victory. Smasher continued his improving form and when questioned about why he has improved in recent weeks he recalls a random meeting with the Wizard Simon Whitlock who put him onto the grip of champions, MIGHTY GRIP!!!!!! this is no ordinary grip and Smasher is now looking like a darting god! did you know its suitable for rock climbing also!!!!! Skip continues to improve and popped in another sub 18 dart leg, his form is making our team look a hell of a lot stronger lets hope it continues. Linx was not under any pressure so took a comfortable victory and Dirty didn't get a cob on this week so he also won! there are no reports from Penfolds game as everyone nodded off- god he throws quick!!!!!!!!!! and Serious well he doesn't really like losing!!!!

GOTTS WATCH

After weeks of speculation the worlds most talked about question is answered, Gotts is alive. you can see with your own eyes the Gotts is still with us!!!! There was no spotting of the great man out and about this week but I believed by the look of his picture he had been holed up in the gym for at least a week solid!!! I investigated and visited the gym in question, I was correct !! The Gotts had gone a week long gym session with the hope of winning the upcoming Mr. Lowestoft competition. I believe he is in a good position to win this year but I suggest that he takes his driving license for identification to avoid the debacle of the 2009 comp. The pre comp favorite the Gotts was not allowed to participate due to an inability to prove his age. It was open to over 16's only!!!!
Please take your time to mull over this pic as it also provides the answer to the 2nd most asked question on the planet!!! How did the world begin? .......nope, is there life on another planet ....nope.
Has Gotts got an outy or an inny???? yep folks as you can see he has an outy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thousands will sleep better now.

WHERE'S LINX

http://whereslinx.blogspot.com/

CAN YOU SEE HIM?

PENFOLD IT YOURSELF

Penfold popped down to B&Q on Sunday to get a new wardrobe. What a result for the DIY legend he finds one which is self assembly!!!!!!!!! this will impress the missus he thinks!!! takes it home feeling all clever he takes it out of the box and stands and waits, an hour later he is still standing there, the missus pops up to see how he is getting on. Penfold Why haven't you started? I hope you haven't been on scrabble again? I'm taking it back he says, I got this one because it was self assembly, I've stood here an hour and it hasn't done a thing yet!!!!!!

JOKE CORNER

A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

BUNGLES PROMOTION DREAM

Bungle is once again all over this, a couple of poor results have taken town down the league and its looking like a good run of form will be needed. Never fear guys Bungle knows exactly how we will get back into contention. If Keano plays John Wark in the holding midfield role that will relieve Martin Reuser of his defenive responsibilities and enable him to provide Chris Kiwomya and Darren Bent with the ammunition they need to fire in the goals for town. But Bungle where does that leave Adrian Paz?? on the bench sitting next to Ulrich le Pen you ttttwwwww******************************ttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!! oh sorry cheers Bungle!!!!!

Cheers guys
Weekend Sportsman over and out
( ps hope you feel better soon Laura Lincoln)
(pps I bet you look good in a nurses' outfit Linx)

Pot Black A Vs Hearts of Oak (something or other)

2010-11-11T06:58:00.000-08:00

Right guys its blog time so get yourself a cup of tea and tell the missus your not available for chores for the next 10 minutes, where shall we start???

well Ill begin with Thursday popped up the captains to support Dirty, unfortunately drew Phil the power Honeyman second round and took an early bath!!! He said his concentration was ruined as he was very concerned about his partner in crime Penfold. Penfold was stranded on an A road between Diss and home, he had the most terrible problem with his car he needed to change his tyre but it was too dark!!!!!!!!!! awwwwwwwwww how terrible!!!!!!!!! paaaaaaaaa. As you had probably guessed he is a pen pusher for a living and the only thing he can operate in the dark is a calculator with flash light so he had to call for back up. As you can see by the picture they quickly arrived and Penfold was saved!!!!!!!!!!!

Where's Linx

http://whereslinx.blogspot.com

Can you see him?

Joke corner

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.

She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”

Penfold It Yourself

Our very own practical genius Penfold is here to give us tips on DIY as tyre changing is not his only natural talent!!!!

Penfold was in B&Q the other day when this bloke in an orange overall comes up to him and says "Do you want decking sir?" Well Penfold thought it was best to get the first punch in! He is now banned for 12 months!!!!!!

Gotts Watch

Chris, 19 from Norwich reported seeing a shot guy with a limp strolling through Norwich town centre on Saturday afternoon at 1400 hours. He said the guy in question looked liked he had lego hair and was wearing a T shirt at 3 sizes to small for him. He added why he was wearing a dad of the year badge I don't know, the little boy ran off and the guy didn't notice for 5 minutes as he was tensing in the body shop window!!!!!!!!!!

The game

Sorry guys not much bout the game this week as ive been away and didn't get a chance to get the scores off Skip. Nicky lark put in a decent performance for a change in his only game of the night. I played my usual rubbish, it is getting a wee bit boring now. We registered 2 maximums on the night as we cruised to victory. Dirty threw a bit of a cob. Im sure he will be back on form this week and skip checked out a nice little 100+ finish as his opponent thought he wouldn't go for a double and that he would set it up sweet!!

Well we didn't go back to the club this week as we had to go go to the ex servicemans and take the p*** out of Honeyman for getting his 2nd Chesney in 3 weeks. We watched a bit of WWF, which can I add everyone knew the names of the wrestlers (dont watch it my a**e). We then popped off for a couple of swiftys over in Broadview. I would like to thank everyone for shoving ice down my back, very much appreciated !!! Can you do it when im talking to fat ugly girls next time not when they actually look ok! I then get left in broadview but notice just in time to decline an offer to Hush and meet up with every one in flames. Oh hello!!!!!!! get talking to some other bird and as there is no ice available the weapon of choice is a tomato!!!!!!!!!! briiilliiaannttt!!!!!!! cheers guys.

I rip the handle off the taxi door on the way back and go to sleep after an unsuccessful evening.

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-11-11T03:27:00.000-08:00

After a reasonable run of results we had a tough game last Friday against the Hearts of Oak B. Always a difficult game made much harder by trying too hard to win games to stop them bloody singing!

Looking at their team sheet, we knew it was going to be a tough night particularly with them strengthened (???) by an old Potty favourite in Jarvo.

Anyway we needed to kick off and fight off the songs (maybe we should have some for ourselves, just a thought, Naaaaaa) and see if we could keep our run of good results going.

First on in the doubles was Ozzie (aka magoo) partnered with Yiddo (di di de de de di di de de de di di de de de di di di OY!) who were behind for most of the game until two tons and a quick finish saw them snatch a great win. Glynn and Hos were on next and we knew Shawn was going to be in trouble as soon as we spotted the curtains pulled back that usually protect the board. I am not sure whether he was quaking with fear or building up his anger but there were a few strong glances aimed at the aforementioned soft furnishings. Boy were they going to get it if things didn’t go right. Not sure whether this was a distraction or whether it was Paul Philips 2 140’s but we were soon back to level at 1-1. Moysie then tried hard to carry a slightly-lacking-in-confidence Shoot em up but despite his best efforts we lost the game and went behind. It seems a long time since we have been able to revel in the joy of the famous Stridey pirouette into a handshake. Looking forward to that coming back. Fortunately the last pair struggled to start making it fairly comfortable for yours truly and Bungle to level it. A good game from the legend that is Goochy was followed by a struggle for Bill and a tame game from Moysie, with a 180 from, yes you guessed it, Jarvo being the telling throw to put us 4-3 down. Good back to back wins from Me and Clint were followed by Glynn on seventh to get us the 6 games to secure a point. In between this Hos had an excellent chance but couldn’t finish and Ozzie on last had the same problem.

They were singing at the end celebrating the draw. Okay we couldn’t stop them but it was quite satisfying to hear that they were happier with the draw than we were. This was much better from us, a good performance and better darts than we had been playing and another good point on the board.

By the way, if any of you are concerned I can assure you that we managed to placate Shawn with the usual medication, lager, and no curtains were harmed during this performance!

This week we had another tough game in prospect with the visit of the football club which has probably been our most consistent tight match for years. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we play it is never more than 7-5 one way or the other with a draw being the most likely outcome. With 10 players to choose from team selection was a bit tricky and the old squad rotation had to come into play with Shawn sitting out the doubles. Having said that I seem to be getting volunteers not to play and I took Clint up on his kind offer due to the fact that we know the doubles are far too early for him.

I left Ozzie and Yid together but unfortunately they couldn’t repeat the heroics of last week and were always behind. Now Ozzie’s inability to see his hand in front of his face has been well documented but it was Clint who had the first magoo moment, not realising that they had hit the finishing double. They had, 0-1. Not to be outdone by Clint, Ozzie took the chalks for Shoot em up and the legend and, true to form, managed a short sighted moment when asked what bed a dart was in. Why bother asking, he hasn’t got a clue! When will you all learn! That aside, they played a good game and got us back level. It was particularly pleasing to see Dave feeling more comfortable with his throw and hitting the finishing double, only to walk gently straight to the board. Where was the spin? Is he unwell? I am sure this will restore his confidence and normal service will be resumed shortly. A tough game for Bungle and me against neil and percy but a very good game, straight in straight out and with some tidy scoring on the way. A new pairing on last with Glynn and Moysie which looked exciting on paper, but only on paper. A bit of a struggle but they came through with hard work to take us 3-1 up. A magoo moment from me cheering one of Moysie’s darts that wasn’t in was followed by more of the same from Glynn and Bungle. This is starting to get worrying, I didn’t realise myopia was contagious but us old farts seem to be on the verge of an epidemic!

They pulled the next one back thanks to a resurgent Barry Cook hitting three tons to beat Moysie, before the Legend, who always seemed in control, lost to an excellent 108 bull finish. Bungle was the next to go under and we were 4-3 down. In the next game I was up against percy and knew it was going to be tough but I wasn’t quite prepared for such a bizarre game. He went off like a train, 120 start, 134, 135 to leave him only wanting 112 with me languishing on 348 and only lacking a convenient towel to throw in. A 140 made it look respectable and a minor wobble from perc only scoring 24 was followed by a 125 from me. Somehow I was back in it. Another slight wobble and he didn’t leave a double leaving me 3 darts at 83 which I managed to bugger up. He missed his 52 finish and I took out 48 to snatch a ridiculous victory. I apologise for the bit of indulgence as I do not like going on about my own games but this one really was bizarre and we were back to level. Hos then got us in front after another group short sighted moment – he was the only one in the pub who realised he had hit the double. Ozzie then had an excellent chance to secure the draw and played superb with three tons but unfortunately the old finishing demons struck again and he let it slip. 5-5 with two games left and it was left to Glynn to secure us the draw with a strong second half to his game. All down to the last game of the night and who would you want going on late? Yep, Clint was comfortably in his time zone and secured us a fine 7-5 win. Another good match and we are pleased with our form at the moment.
Conversation of the week

Now some of you may have noticed that themes of conversation tend to repeat themselves a little bit each week with one of the main subjects being football, not surprising with the much publicised pundit and expert (ex means has been, spurt is a drip under pressure) Bungle, in our team. Whilst most of us are keen and able to contribute to these conversations, we appreciate that it may not appeal to everyone. Most noticeably, our favourite legend, Goochy, is not a particular fan of our national sport and prefers to follow oversized yanks in crash helmets and three tons of body armour throwing an odd shaped object that can’t even really be called a ball around a field. Now we like to give due consideration to all and felt it was only fair that we did some research in order that dear old Trev could feel included talking about his beloved packers who had a good 9-0 away win last time out (see, I told you we had been researching). You should have seen his little face light up as he walked in to find me, Hos bros and Bungle discussing the game, tactics and name dropping. Referring to the tactics of the coach, Mike McCarthy (had to think of Wolves manager Mick to remember that one) the release of players like Montgomery (think of Colin, you get the idea by now) and the skills of players like Donald (the Duck) Driver (more golf) Trev thought he had died and gone to heaven. At this point we wondered if any more players were named after golf clubs and Ready suggested Reg Wedge. We think he was kidding but if that is not someones name it really should be. We might have got a bit confused with some of the names (Al Habsi or something equally terrorist sounding and Clay Pigeon) but we certainly made the effort. Billy in particular deserves special praise for attempting to fully understand the finer points of the game although he did seem to get a
bit confused when thinking about being taken from behind because he was worried about his tight end. Apparently he would have felt more comfortable if he had a wide receiver! Anyway, let it not be said that we are not prepared to go out of our way to ensure everyone is happy in the b team.

Away next week to the Ole Frank, I’ll see you soon.

Atko.

POT BLACK A VS EX SERVICEMAN'S

2010-11-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

(NOT SURE OF THE LETTER BUT ITS NOT HG)

Hi all another week and another debacle in the season of PH and Nicky Lark.
The score was 8-4 Me and Snatural lost a doubles and we both lost our singles so that's 3 but to be fair they were already lost so that means the other loser is technically a CHESNEY!!!! yep I make the rules!!!!!!!!
congratulations to GAVIN DIRTY PEEK for getting a chesney on friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be fair there's not an awful lot to say other than that and the scores are below. Skip continued his improving form and popped in a maximum and a 17 dart game. Penfold hit a couple of high scores sandwiching in a massive score of 13 in between , very consistent Penfold!!!!!!
Oh there was one moment I suppose I better reluctantly put on here! needing 59 to win our doubles we were in with a sniff!!!!!!!!! up I stepped, can I save mine and Eddies bacon???? I stick my first dart smack in the middle of the bed - the 18 bed, I switch my attention to double top because clearly 59 subtract 18 is 40 ooooooooohhhh just on the wire- BRRRIIIILLLIIIIAAANNNTT. I cant even go for the right finish now!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR F*** SAKE.

other things to report are that LINX didn't show up, he saw the letters ex ser.... and did a runner as he thought it was a big game!!!!!!!!!!
Fluff drove as he was a pooooffffffff
Smasher did not leave anyone on the curb this week.
Chilly didnt turn up in case he spent money.

Skip and Bardy won - Bardy 140
me and Eddie lost
Penfold and Smasher won - Penfold 125,140
Peek and Hook won - Peek 125, Hook 140

Serious won
I lost
Skip won - 180 17 darter!
Smash won - 125
Eddie lost
Penfold won
Peek lost
Bardy won - 121

I have to talk about last weeks convo as Eddie The Stig Lark undertook his driving lessons due to driving at excessive speed. Eddie was amazed that firstly he had to be on time for this event- Cant believe it!!!!! He thought he would be surrounded by young whipper snappers in order to make himself feel younger but alas no, It was just a group of guys having mid life crisis's thinking they are storming round in their Ford Capri's. Anyway he has now been taught how to check his Speedo and apparently he is fit to return to society.

Well what's next on the agenda? oh yeah Gavin Dirty Peek....... not since Bardy achieved this exceptional feat have I heard of someone being sick on the super league bus, one Jager bomb and the boy is gone. So ill the next day he had to keep running to the van to be sick he must be the worst carpet fitter ever!!! chundering all over the thing as he is putting it down, What a way to christen the new carpet!.

Gotts Watch

A black BMW had been spotted driving away from many incidence of peeping toms this week.
On Wednesday Gemma Raven explained how she was getting ready for a night out when she heard heavy breathing outside her bedroom window, she screamed but her father got outside just in time to see a black BMW with a baby on board sticker in the back. Gotts spot? unsure.

The second lady Petula from Beaumont Road also heard heavy groaning outside the window as she showered and called the police- you know Beaumont road, just up from Meadow way......... Right near Shelleys florist shop!!!! Anyway no official sighting was confirmed but a ping golf glove was found near the scene of the crime.

Daphne 81years old from Short Lane said she was sure a dog walker was pointing binoculars up at her window as she dressed for her bowls match!!!!!!!! Short Lane? Its along The Street you know Just up from The Red house......you know just round the corner from Shelley's florist shop. The event was reported to the police and there is now heavy community support officer presence in the area. Anyway I was unsure if these were true Gotts spots and the Gotts would have got away with it but he had to go one step to far. He had to request them as friends on facebook!!!!!!!!! FFS!!!! these were in fact true Gotts spots.

Where's Linx

http://whereslinx.blogspot.com/

can you spot him?

Joke corner

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought.

It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free, having fun and nibbling at the lush grass.

Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?""Yes. Come and join us," they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good, unlike his tasteless food he grew up with. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."

This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?""You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.

"Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys.

"That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here.""I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."

Bungle's promotion dream

Coming soon a brand new feature, Bungle Bennet talks us through ITFC's promotion journey. This guys is the ultimate optimist, he can look at any league table and see and almost elementary route for The Super Blues to gain certain promotion. For the first time this guy's unbelievable knowledge gets published!!!!!!!!!!! join us next week for his first comment.
Just a heads up the quote from Bungle the believer this week '3 wins in a row and we will be up to third' oh he knows his stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend Sportsman
Over and out
(Still dreaming it wasn't a flash in the pan!!!!! I will play well this week I hope!)

POT BLACK A Vs KWMC A

2010-10-27T04:08:00.000-07:00

Well everyone's fave a trip to Kessingland, whoopee!!!!!!! for some reason these guys are a fair way down the league but we expected a tough trip as we have historically struggled at this venue.

GOTTS WATCH

The night started as usual, went to Linx's got changed, Fluffy picked us up as he was being a pooooffffffffff and driving, got to the Pot Black opened up a can of whoop ass all over Darren Jedward Hoskins as per usual, strolled in ordered a lager and got some one else to pay for it. All regulation stuff really, then the night went all weird!!!!!!!!!

At approximately 7pm a small spiky haired gentleman with an orange face, chicken legs, a limp, wearing far too much aftershave and a ping t-shirt with jeans ripped at the bottom strolled into the Pot Black Club, people greeted him as DARREN GOTTS!!!!!!! I have to say I didn't believe it, all night I just couldn't have it, there is no way the Gotts could be out on a Friday night, naa not having it, I racked my brain there must be a simple explanation for this weird event, it must be an imposter posing as the Gotts to receive an excessive benefits package, but the sensible side of me was fighting back saying can there really be two people this ugly in the world! Anyway I was at sixes and sevens all night my concentration was ruined, so much so that my brain dis-engaged from my arm and I threw a few decent darts!!!!!!!

Anyway the night was drawing to a conclusion round Dirty's and the cards were out, this imposter was playing and OH MY GOD WAS HE LUCKY!!!!!!! well that eased my mind because ugliness aside here there cant be two people this lucky in the world this was in fact a true Gotts spot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOKE CORNER

There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went.

Guy 1: Yah..I’m originally from Dublin, Ireland

Guy 2: Really?! Me too!

Guy 1: I went to O’Malley Highschool.

Guy 2 : I did too! What year did you graduate?

Guy 1: 1988!

Guy 2: Same here!

A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didnt know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew each other. The bar tender replied, ” Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again.”

JEDWARD ON JEDWARD

My names Shaun and my names Darren- together we are Shaun and Darren

This weeks new feature is a weekly report on the happening of the massive Jedward Uk Tour. Jedward's biggest fans and our own Pot Black Jedward Shaun and Darren Hoskins are travelling every inch of the country following the pop group they adore and they have agreed to give us a weekly rating on the performance of the 2 world famous little ****s. This week Jedward went to the O2 Arena to watch Jedward. Jedward said that it was a great show, the dancing was amazing but the vocals were a bit off due to John having a cold. Shaun said that he thought that John was a right little trooper for battling through and that his determination was one thing that he loved about him, he also said despite the vocals the crowd really enjoyed themselves and he cant wait for next week. Darren said he had a great time but was bit annoyed that his balloon blew out of his hand and he couldnt buy another as they were sold out!!!!!!!!! Despite this he really enjoyed himself and commented that Edwards bottom was looking particularly pert this week!!!!! oooh I say.
Jedward on Jedward rating 7 out of 10.

WHERES LINX

For all those who couldn't find Linx last week, do not despair, you have another chance this week! Click on the link below.... Can you Spot Him?

http://whereslinx.blogspot.com/

THE GAME

Well enough of all this fun I suppose I better actually talk about the game!!!!!!!!!!

Well I have got one more thing, I forgot to mention the excessive drinking that went on the previous Friday!!! Now correct me if I'm wrong but if I was going on a session the first thing that sprang to mind would not be' excuse me barman can I have a half a lager and lime and a vodka and diet coke chaser!!!!!!' 'oh and barman , hold the ice I'm on a session!' cheers Dirty and Penfold for that moment I have photos if I need them for a future p*** take I'm sure you haven't heard the last of this.

Right in summary Ill talk about the game - A good result in what could have been a tough game as we took a 9-3 victory. A solid all round showing as we won 7 out of 8 singles with the obvious loser being Nicky Lark although I will say he was a bit unlucky as he drew treble 19 Cass who went a bit nuts!!!! Ah well I'm gonna dwell on the sympathy he lost again and that's it. I don't want to blow my own trumpet as this just may be a 1 week flash in the pan, but at least it looked as if I had played before this week and hopefully it is a sign of some improved form in the future. Skip noticed that Serious is a better singles player than doubles as he popped in a 142 start in his singles and took a comfortable victory, he took a tape home of his performance but was unlucky he couldn't watch it due to a blown up tv. Penfold popped in the only other high score of the night in the singles as we were never really in danger. The food was exceptional, they had cheese straws and everything!!!!!

The doubles finished 2-2

Skip and Linx won on first

Smasher and Penfold lost on second
Me and Nicky Lark won on third (yep that's won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Peek and Hook lost on fourth
Oh I had a 140 thought I better talk about myself a bit!!!!!!
Into the singles we went at 2-2 we wanted a quick start, we did not want any not needed pressure and we got it as Serious, Linx, ME!!!!!!!!! AND Dirty all won.

Next on The Snatural and with a chance to get a win that actually counted as the game was still on!!! nope he lost!!!!!!!!!!!

That was our loss of the evening as Penfold won chalking up a 121 in the process and Skip and Smasher wrapped up a nice win.

No buca bus this week as we ended up back at Dirtys house. Me and Dirty got fleeced at cards while I set a new world record for the amount of wheat crunchies eaten on the spin!!!!!!!!!! we tucked into our half pints of baileys mixed in with vodka and tia maria- yep they tasted horrific and no I didn't leave any before we had a tour of the house. We popped into the very impressive dart shrine, I was a wee bit concerned that he had a signed photo of Keith Dellar on the wall though!!!! Before playing around with Gavs laser and then looking at his extensive collection of photo's of pussies (catfish - he went on a fishing trip last year). We met a dog which was meant to be the same breed as honey (The Gott's former dog) but it seems Dirtys dog eats sensible portions of food unlike the immortal honey. if your unsure of what I mean the best way I can describe it is Dirtys dog looks like Nicky lark 4 seasons ago and Honey looks like Nick Lark now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We then treated ourselves to a game on the Wii, while Linx and Smasher cuddled up on the sofa with harlie the dog. Pictures will follow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cheers everyone

Weekend Sportsman over and.................................................................. Hang on!!!!!!!! I have a report of an urgent blog moment coming in on the Bat phone!!!!!!!!!

It seems that one of our regular Bloggers is trying to drive Fridays so he can act like an idiot on a Saturday and not get blogged- NOPE NOT A CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEFORE GOLF

At 7.20 on Sunday I get a call on the bat phone I wake a little startled, Its THE FLUFF!!!!!!!!!! Paul I need a lift to golf as Rach won't let me drive, 'ok mate what's happened?' 'dunno mate she has gone all weird'. 'ok not a problem'. Pick the Fluff up and obviously ask what's going on. Fluff is a little confused and I quote 'I wasn't really that drunk last night' ah well I think maybe she has heard about random Sunday morning drink drive tests or something.

AFTER GOLF

I look on my phone to find 5 new texts??? I'm never that popular and there's no way I can pull 1 bird on a sat night let alone 5!!!! what's going on????? Its my partner in crime Linx!!!!!!!!!! It seems he has had the legendary I did not get drunk!!! Fluff on the mobile. 'Linx was I drunk last night?' 'yes mate -quite bad, you were hanging out of the side of the car window trying to be sick, we are not sure if you were, you better check the side of the car'- don't know about you lot but it sounds like he may have been a bit drunker than he thought!?

IN THE CLUBHOUSE

'Paul I've found out why I'm in trouble' 'yes Fluff I know you were hanging out of the car window you pleb!' ' No I don't think she took offence to that I think it was when I passed out on the lawn that really annoyed her!!!!!!!' 'oh that doesn't sound good Fluff' 'Oh it gets better!!!!! The neighbours got woken up and had to collect me off the lawn and put me in the house!!!!!!!! Think that may have sent her over the edge!!!!!!!!!!'
BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIAAAAANNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got to laugh about that one!!!!!!! I get the feeling that Fluff wont be drinking heavily at the beer festival on Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend Sportsman over and out.
(now the second worst dart player in the team)

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-10-27T03:53:00.000-07:00

Hello darts fans

Another couple of weeks to catch up on and what a funny couple of weeks they were!
An away trip to the Queens Head followed by a home game against the Ex Servs A and two totally different games.

Firstly at the Queens, we seemed to playing well and found ourselves 5-2 down before we realised it. Oz and Moysie opened up and played a pretty good game right down until the end. To say they struggled to hit a double is a bit of an understatement, between the pair of them they couldn’t have finished a sentence! Needless to say we went one down. Two very good games from Hos and Glynn and Billy and Me got us ahead before Shoot em up and the Midnight Cowboy went on last. With Paul hitting three tons we were hoping to extend the lead but unfortunately they ran out of steam and we were all square at 2-2. before we had time to blink, Glynn (had peaked in the doubles), Oz (still couldn’t finish) and Stridey (unlucky) had all lost and we were behind 5-2. Two good games to pull us back from Hos and Bungle (once he got away) gave us hope but a loss from Paul left us needing the last two games to salvage a point. Fortunately Moysie and Me managed to hold our nerve and we got the point we all felt we deserved.

So to last week and the Ex Servicemens A. Having played well last week, we managed a complete turn around in form on Friday. We managed to win the opening doubles thanks to Billy and Me (well Billy really, no Billy totally) as he was the only one of the four to play well hitting a 140 on the way. The second of the doubles saw Clint and Moysie with a special one-off appearance from Magoo. Yes you’ve guessed it, one of those classic Ozzie short sighted moments that occur every now and then. On this occasion, with their player wanting 108, he threw one dart and asked what he had scored. Now Ozzie knows his eyesight is about as good as a bat with cataracts but he still tried to help and said 15 (treble 5). It was subsequently revealed that he had in fact hit 60 (treble 20) and could have gone for the finish. A brief discussion about the options saw the game continue from where it was and I think it was probably fair that we did in fact lose it to go 1-1. In Ozzie’s defence, there was no caller and we normally do not need them but a word of advice to any visiting teams that may read our blogs. If Ozzie steps up to chalk, please provide a caller, a checker, a spotter, a reserve spotter and someone up the bar with binoculars! Its for your own good! Anyway, after this we had two further wins for Hos and Glynn followed by Oz and Goochy (albeit the latter against 1 man) to give us a 3-1 lead going into the singles. The singles did not start very well with Me (if I pulled them any further to the left I would have to stand in the snooker room to hit the board) Hos (couldn’t start) and Bungle (not great) and we were 4-3 down. A win for Moysie (somehow) and a loss for Clint (played Harry in the best game of the night) and we were 5-3 behind. Good solid wins for Goochy and Oz to get us to 6 -5 and Glynn will claim he went on last and got us the win (no chance they only had seven and it was a walk over).

To sum up the night it must have been the worst darts match we have ever played against each other but somehow we got 2 points to keep us solidly mid table.

Lets hope we can find a bit more form and play better next week. Its nice to win but it feels better if you’ve played well to do it!

Ill let you know
See you soon
Atko

Pot Black A Vs Marquis

2010-10-20T06:45:00.000-07:00

Another top of the table clash as a marquis side with a 100% record visited a packed Pot Black club, They left with their 100% record gone!!!!!!! We fielded a weakened side as Linx saw it was a big game and pretended he was away with the missus (you really should not let the fact you jellied it effect your confidence you know). That left a singles space open for me to fill and that seemed to inspire the troops as I was drawn out last and they realized they needed to get 7 early as I cant beat an egg at the minute!!!!!!!!! (Well for the last 2 years actually!).

DOUBLES

Some solid performances early on as we compiled a 3-0 lead and put the nerves to rest for a while!
Dirty and Serious up first. Serious popping in a 107 finish got us off to a flyer. Smasher and Penfold followed that with Smasher producing some of his better darts for a few games in what was to be the first of two decent performances.

Skip partnered The Power Bardwell as we moved ourselves into a nice little lead, Skip on the high scores sheet again with a 140.

In a convincing 3-0 lead and looking to put the game to bed Myself and Snatural stepped up!!!!! The game opened up and there were erratic darts coming from both teams (myself excluded I scored bog all but at least I was in the right area of the board) as the 18 and 12 beds were peppered before Winyard popped up with 2 140's mid game to put them in a position we could not recover from, another loss for me!!!! Brrriiiiilllliiiiaaaannntttt!!!!!!!! I'm not saying I was any good but I have to comment on The Snatural who was particularly horrific in what was to be the first of 2 terrible performances!!!!!!!! Sorry I commented on your improving form last week it has obviously jinxed you!!!!!!!

SINGLES

Into the singles still 3-1 so not the end of the world!

OH that soon turned into 3-3 as Penfold on in the first single's then The snatural followed up his doubles disaster with another performance of the lowest quality!

So its getting tight!! up step Serious and believe it or not, he was pretty serious and played a good game hitting another maximum and a 140 to take us into a 4-3 lead!

Still tight but the Power Bardwell is on next and he plays the norm notching up a 121 and taking us into a 5-3 lead. A good position but its as good as 5-4 with me still to play!

Next up Skip against Alan Baker. Al played a steady game but unfortunately for Skip a 140 was not enough and he could not recover from a slow start.
5-4!!!! Now there's pressure as we need to win the next 2 games, either that or I need to win! Lets be real!! they both need to win!

With the game getting tight Dirty stepped up!!!!!!!! After a shaky start he threw some exceptional darts towards the end checking out 257 with his last 6 darts to get the 6th game of the night!!!!! another beauty of a performance when we needed it!!!! well played mate.

6-5 up and with me on last Daddy Smash (yep the one who lies to people about going out and leaving them stranded on the curb!) knew he had to win to get the 7-5 victory!!!!! I have to say he put in one of his best performances of the season to get the win for the team, getting a 112st and a 125 in the process, great stuff!!!!!

On last was me, the game already won and with several hours mid week practice under my belt I thought I may play ok??!!!........... nope not a chance, I played a load of rubbish, Micky Woll was trying to chuck the game and I compiled a big lead, Don't know how many ahead I was but It was large enough to get about 18 darts at a double before he came down and checked out!!! bbrrrriiiilllliiiaaaannnttt!!!!!!!!! seriously guys I'm even practicing during the week to try stop being so dump but I just cant seem to win!!!!! I suppose it wasn't a bad loss as it would not have counted anyway as the game was won!

The game finished, a few games of table bowls and liar dice went on and then off we popped to OB, Fluff came out so Dirty went home!!!!
Join us next week to find out if Linx jellies, it....... if Smasher lies....... who will go out Fluff or Dirty? if Gotts is spotted!! If I can win a game! I know you cant wait.

JOKE CORNER

An elderly couple was sitting around one evening and the man says to his wife,
"Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary. We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings. But there's something I've always wondered about. Tell me the truth. Have you ever been unfaithful to me?"She hesitated a moment, then said, "Yes, Sidney, three times."
"Three times? How could that happen?" Sidney asks
Marsha replied, "Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were so broke that the bank was about to foreclose on our little house?""Yes, dear, those were really difficult times," replied Sidney."And remember when I went to see the banker one night, and the next day the bank extended our loan?""Gosh, that's really hard to take," said Sidney. "But since things were so bad at the time, I guess I can forgive you. What was the second time?""Well," Marsha continued, "do you remember years later when you almost died of that heart problem because we couldn't afford an operation?""Yes, of course," said Sidney. "Then you will remember that right after I went to see the doctor, he performed the operation at no cost?""Yes, I remember," said Sidney, "and as much as that shocks me, I do understand that you did what you did out of love for me, so I forgive you. So, what was the third time?"Marsha lowered her head and said, "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 62 more votes?"

GOTTS WATCH

A bloke of around 4ft 10 inches high with Jedward type hair was seen checking himself out in a shop window in Great Yarmouth town centre around 1430 on Tuesday!!! Its been said they are pretty sure he was tensing and that his impressive upper body was somewhat overshadowed by the chicken legs!!!!!

A black BMW with a baby on board sticker was seen parked in Leona Crescent on Monday , Wednesday , Thursday , Friday, Saturday and Sunday!!!!! Not sure where it is?, its near Hall road.... you know near Meadow way.... oh come on its near Famona Road...... yeah that's it! just round the corner from Shelley Crossleys florist shop! My source said I don't mind the little **** parking outside my house but I wish he would shut that dog up!!!!!!

WHERE'S LINX

Its a brand new feature again this week as we play a new game!!!!!!! There is no prize but feel free to play, have you heard of 'Where's Wally' well it's even better!!! Its Where's Linx!!!!! Please click on the link below, can you spot him?????????

http://whereslinx.blogspot.com/

Thanks all,
Weekend sportsman over and out
(still ranked the worst dart player in the team but being pushed by Nicky Lark for the title!)

GOTTS WATCH!!!

2010-10-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

A black BMW was seen parked outside a McDonalds in Bournemouth from 11pm to 8 am, Our sources say they have never seen so many chicken nuggets eaten in one sitting. The manager said he has ordered an extra box of sweet curry sauce incase the mystery man returns. The RSPCA have asked for witnesses as a beagle was left in the vehicle for 9 hours without water, I believe this to be a true Gotts spot!!!

POT BLACK A 9 LAKE LOTHING 3

2010-10-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

Another top of the table clash as they had more points than us at the start of the night so we did not know what to expect. I turned up with my hamster cheeks due to having a very painful wisdom tooth extraction, Linx turned up hoping for a win as he was starting to get on a Harrod /Lark type losing streak and Fluffy just didn't turn up- Poooooofffff!!!!!! Turned out to be a comfortable win after a shakyish bit in the middle sent the scores to 3-3!!!! We had strength at the end as I was 9th man and we secured a comfortable win.

Double's 3-1

As usual I cant remember exactly what happened here apart from the score but I do recall my game so with the scores 1-1!!!!!!! oooh very tense!
Up stepped Me and Penfold against local pro Peter Snakebite Wright. They got off to a flyer opening up with 4 scores while we struggled. Snakebite was getting all too cocky and was just warming up apparently, they were down to a double in no time, Peter was still being very full of himself, in the back round me and Penfold were struggling along. It seems that once warmed up these pro's aren't all they are cracked up to be as they got to a double and could not get it. Me and Penfold had managed to struggle down to a double at this stage and guess what! We struggled then too. But as our local cocky pro was getting more and more warm at this stage he was getting further and further away from a double it was almost like watching Snatural in his joint record breaking loss run last season. In the end as they were jellying it (Yep just like Linx) they didn't ever look like getting it!!! Up stepped Penfold and slipped a sneaky little double 1 in!!!! yey winner- Leg time, A new world record 37 mins 15 seconds.

Into the singles we went, Serious was up against Former Pot Black taxi driver in Kelvin Splat Self. Serious cruised into a comfortable lead but faltered on a double and let the Big Man in , Some might say a mistake but although Splat didn't exactly float he never threw them that straight or checked out that quick when he played for us so Serious is within his rights to claim unlucky in the weekend sportsman's book!! unlucky Serious but you did look a little tired !!!!!!!!
Next up was Dirty against our local pro Snakebite, a very good game, Dirty was a little unlucky being left on tops when snakebite went out- well played mate!!!! I feel the shorter format didn't favor you as he never got warmed up coupled with the few extra drinks prevented him from cocking up his doubles for the second time in the evening as his jelly arm had disappeared!!!!!
So with the scores at 3-3 it looked a little shaky, unlike the previous week the tail wagged in Harmison type fashion!!!

Skip had put up a practice board midweek and it showed as he scored well, even with the hindrance of me shouting out mid throw and just missed a 14 darter before going out next throw.

Daddy Smash took victory still claiming he didn't say he was going out last week!!!!!?????hhhh mmmmmmm!!!!!!!! Anyway he won and then went straight away as he had to go out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you sure you just weren't just saying that to fool us but instead had to get home for a bit of how to look good naked!!???

Linx was boring and broke his losing streak. boooorrriIIIIIIIIIIInnnnggggg, Snatural played pretty decent as his form continues to improve, and Penfold took another victory. Bardy was his normal Power like self and cruised to a win, well played guys yet another tough game next week- keep up the practice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No late night action in OB this week as we stayed in the Lake Lothing until 1 am and got a big fat whooping off Penfold at pool!!!!!!!!!! Dirty stayed out as Fluffy wasn't there and got chatted up by some 60 year olds. All good fun and the bonus was that we got a lift home off Splat free cabs! Winner... anyone seen Smasher? naa mate he has gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOKE CORNER

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second longblack hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.The woman was so curious that she respectfullyapproached the woman walking the dog and said,"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is abad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.Whose funeral is it?""My husband's.""What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women."Can I borrow the dog?""Get in line."

GOTTS WATCH

1. At 6am on Monday a black BMW was spotted dropping off a very plump looking blonde haired woman in the short stay area of Heathrow airport!!!!!!! My source was a distance away but he swears they were wearing matching Callaway jumpers, I believe this could be a true Gotts spot!!!
2. A man was seen wearing dark glasses and drinking a protein shake while parked up in a black BMW around 5pm on Wednesday. I could not be sure if this was a true Gotts spot I asked further questions to verify the location! Beaumont Road, you may know it, its near Famona Road and Meadow Way. Still not sure?!! Ill make it easier for you, Its just round the corner from Shelley Crossley's Florist shop!!! yep this is a true GOTTS SPOT!!!!

THE MADE UP NEWS!

1. Lincoln loses 12 pounds on a diet of cider and ice lollies!
2. Billy Bungle Bennet lets go of his darts in under 2 minutes 25 seconds!
3. Gavin Chillingworth spends some money!!!!!
4. Eddie Lark is the same weight he was 4 seasons ago!
5. Serious found losing his game really enjoyable!
6. Fluffy was spotted out on a training session with his two boys at Butlins! I cant believe the buca bus turned up at the tiger club!! My sources say Ethan and Cameron were a bit shaky on their feet but handled their drink well, unfortunately dad was a let down and had to leave early before chundering on the sofa in the middle of the night.
7. Darren Gotts was spotted actually out!

Thanks guy's see you all Friday

Weekend Sportsman
( Now so bad at darts even Jnr Hook fancies his chances!)

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-10-14T03:55:00.000-07:00

DREAM TEAM STAR MAN - THE HOSINATOR!

Hi to all you potty followers

Another week and another opportunity as we entertained the Marquis B hoping to get a few more points on the board. We didn’t play at all well the previous week and were hoping for a serious improvement.

With Glynn and Goochy on first we got off to a good solid start as they won without ever being in trouble but we were soon pegged back as Shoot-em-up and Yid went down to a quick finish. A good tidy game from Bungle and Me, with a 140 from Bill and a considerably quicker finish than last week took us back ahead before Hos and Oz were unlucky to lose the last pairs to leave us all square.

Into the singles and a storming start saw a win for Glynn (eventually) followed by the highlight of the night with Hos hitting a superb 133 finish to get us 2 games ahead. Ozzie was our third player and he seemed to grow in confidence as the game went on (probably because his opponent took 5 throws to score 100 at one point). That said his confidence was so high it was bordering on cockiness as he took 63 out with a 13 bull! A tidy game and a slow finish from Moysie secured us the point before this years in form player Bungle suffered a rare defeat to a 78 finish.

Two games left to find a win and yours truly found a pretty steady game before easing off the gas completely under 150. fortunately I had done enough by then to get the win. The legend that is Goochy tidied up the last game to give us a solid 8-4 win and a much better overall performance than the previous week.

We are managing to rack up a few points and hoping for a good performance this week when we visit the Queens Head for what should be a good close match

See you all soon

Quiff

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-10-07T07:35:00.001-07:00

Hi guys

Sorry its been a bit quiet for a couple of weeks but unfortunately I missed the battling home win against the Kevill Arms and this was followed by a trouncing away at the home guard. Some positives to take from the latter was generally quite good play and the marvellous “that’s the best weve played all season” comment from their captain. Thanks Andy!

Anyway, to bring us up to date, last Friday saw us away at the factory arms. An interesting and fun night and I reckon there was only one team in the entire league that could have played worse than us, and that was the factory!

A slow start saw Oz and Hos win and Shoot em up and the Midnight Cowboy lose. Then the fun really started with Bungle and Me. Absolutely awful! You could have turned the board upside down, back to front or put it in another room and I would still have hit at least two fives out of every three darts. The others weren’t much better and the game headed unerringly towards its only conclusion – a double one marathon. After several goes each, time being called, Wally growing a beard and everyone lamenting the rules that do not permit bringing a female sub on to hit for you I eventually managed to bag it! 2-1 up and it felt like we had been playing for hours! I hope they never bring best of three in or our games will all be weekends away. Gooch and Glyn (starting to feel he needs a nickname) then lost against probably their best pair to leave it all square.

In to the singles and win for Goochy followed by yet more fives from yours truly, poor finishing from my opponent and a quick nick and we were two ahead. Hang on, ive got two wins on the board so whats all the fuss about. I guess its true what they say, form is temporary, class is permanent and crap seems to go on forever! Glyn then lost to a good finish and Dave also went down – back to level at 4-4. Paul survived a slow (understatement) start to win and Bungle then struggled to get down the board until he seemed to be suddenly toughed by God or something and hit 132 followed by a 62 finish to win from nowhere. Hos went on next and got us the win, which was a good job as Ozzie on last bottled it with three scores of 26 once he got under 200.
Still a good win away and more points on the board. If we can win playing like that anything can happen if we start playing well

More news to follow - watch this space

Quiff

POT BLACK A 6 EX SERVICEMAN'S HG 6 (Linx jellied it)

2010-10-07T07:19:00.000-07:00

A nice picture!! just one of the ones me and Chilly gained after chatting to a couple of young girls at the train station!! Can't show you the others, I didn't notice myself but Chilly really liked her personalit.....ies, the PB does not stand for Peter Baker by the way.

Well onto this week, I wasn't going to do a blog but then decided it was unfair on those people in the team who can actually play darts!!!!!!!!! so guys after last weeks disaster against the mercenaries of Man City- oops sorry I mean the Ole Frank the league's long established big guns met at the Pot Black Club.
To say we were a wee bit better than last week would be an understatement!!!!!

Doubles (did I mention Linx jellied it)

Linx and George lost Linx 125

Peek and Hook won Hooky 180, Peek 140

Skip and Bardy lost Bardy 102st and 140

Spring and Ed won Spring 140

Singles( did i mention Linx jellied it)

Hooky won 180,134,108 17dg

Skip won no high scores!! checked out 80 for a bit of a birthday

Bardy won

Then it went wrong

Spring lost to Champs 16dg Spring 135

George lost to Monsters 19dg

Peek won to get the draw Peek 140

you didn't even bother to try and win! Well I did try, in my defense it was hard to see as I bagged a whole 22 points! Flash 17 dart game!

Linx pooped it on last. Jelly machine!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry about the shortened version but the computer crashed twice, I cant write it all out a 3rd time so the above is courtesy of Skip.

In summary a really good game of darts with all winners for both teams registering really good legs of darts, great performances by Serious and Dirty Peek in both of their games and unfortunate we did not get the win! From 5-2 they played 3 goood games of 16,19 and 17 darts to go 6-5.

It all went down to the last game with Linx on I cant even remember who he played now! but there were glimpses of brown dripping out of the bottom of his jeans as he missed double 10 , AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! unlucky mate we will get em next time!

Cheers boys up the bar we toddled for a mammoth game of spoof! Briiillliiiaaanntt, out first to round off a cracking night for myself!! Ill try liar dice, nope lost all them too god I had a cracker of a night.

Just about to leave, shall we go out? we were very unsure what to do, a smallish guy by the name of Smasher is straight in, Ill go out! ok lets go, that makes our minds up we will go! Myself , Linx and Slong get out of the car outside Broadview the Chilly drives off. Where Smash? oh he has gone home cheers mate!!!!!!!!!

Gotts Watch

Seems a very popular feature and getting many potential sightings, some are hoaxes as people try to jump on the bandwagon but I know lesser spotted Gotts when I see one and I can whittle out the genuine ones.

1. A man wearing a Ping T-shirt and jeans ripped around the bottom was seen leaving a tanning centre is Gorleston (10 am Monday) I believe this was a true Gotts spot.
2. A short spiky haired man with an orange fake tan face was reported to have booked a chest wax in a local beauty parlour (11 am Tuesday) I believe this to be a genuine Gotts spot.
3. A man was reported to be seen walking a very smelly dog near the garage just opposite the Red House Pub and coming away from Shelley Crossley's florist shop (3.03 pm Wednesday). Must be a Gotts spotting!!!!
4. A black car was seen driving up The Street in Carlton at extreme ( oh that's a funny word!!!) pace!!! not far from the Red House Pub, near Les Whall's house and quite near to Shelley Crossley's florist shop! ( 11pm- He doesn't drink so ill assume he didn't go in the pub, but I have to say a strange time to be buying flowers!!!) Was this the DG?!?!

Joke Corner

Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other two asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy". The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".

Tip of the week.

If you are having you're wisdom teeth out and they ask you if you want local or general- I would advise general and so would my dentist after he lost his fingers this week!!!!!!!!!

Weekend Sportsman over and out
(By the way did i tell you what happened in Linxs game? he jellied it!!!!!)

POT BLACK A VS OLE FRANK

2010-10-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

Well what can I say!!!?? a 9-3 defeat in what has been described by many as our worst performance ever!!! It started badly and never got any better!!
the highlights are below;
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

as you can see there wasn't any.

The first double set the tone for the night as Serious and Dirty came down the board like Phil Taylor and James Wade and ended up on double one as they doubled out like Nicky Lark!!!! Our chins hit the floor and the rest of the night followed in a similar vein! The next two doubles lost as Stinky, Penfold, Skip and Snatural could not turn it around. Up stepped the dynamic duo of Smasher and PH, Ph had the usual we are losing cob on and declared victory was inevitable for him- nope played crap and lost 4-0 down briiiiilllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiant!!!!

Into the singles and it did improve greatly, Skip was the first to register a victory as did Smasher and someone else who I cant remember ( sorry who ever it was!) generally there is not a lot to say and its fair to say we lost all the close as well as all the games which weren't.

Home guard next week, surely we cant play that bad again?! but who knows!

Anyway, the good news was that Trev Hook put an appearance in and we took on Gary The Mouth Flatt and Ryan the mouth Lincoln in what could on be described as lambs to the slaughter table bowls!! well that's what was being shouted out!! nope Myself and Trev won- apparently I was lucky??!!! who cares...ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Off to Broadview we toddled, no appearance this week from Penfold and Dirty but the stalwarts put some funds in the till, as usual we had no plans to go there but it ended up going really well!!!!
Jager bomb anyone?! briiiiillllllliiiiiiiiant work was soooooo fun!

GOTT'S WATCH

There has been few potential sightings this week !!
I have had reports that a smallish gent has been seen coming out of Shelley Crossley's florist shop on Wednesday at 1030.
Another person reported seeing a spiky haired man with a limp coming out of Shelley Crossley's florist shop on Thursday at 1601.
In another incident a Black BMW with a disabled badge was spotted parked outside the red house just adjacent to Shelley Crossley's florist shop.

JOKE CORNER

A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks.The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”.

POT BLACK A VS LTFC

2010-09-23T04:04:00.000-07:00

Hi all no blog last week but tough really I'm back on it again this week, last week was a great win in our first tough game of the season it got a bit nip and tuck towards the end but luckily the solid Lark and Harrod combo both won at the end. Law of averages said we were going to get wins in the end. Unfortunately for the natural his win didn't count as we already had 7 so I got one up on him!
this week and another 8-4 victory in a game we made a little tougher than need be.

Doubles

Obviously not sure of the exact details or order but 3-1 up, myself and smasher won, he was at least better than last week but seriously this is a whole new concept for me out scoring my doubles partner, 'Penfold Spring' and Gavin 'dirty' Peek I've shortened it as he stays out now) and think Bardy and Linx were the other winners but that's very vague!

Singles

Well what happened here? got a little bit tight for a while, Dirty Peek made it 6 wins out of 6, Penfold Spring also snuck in. Skip on the beer for his 2nd consecutive week took victory! a good result for someone who officially retired from darts the Friday before! Linx was awful and lost as his scoring wasn't up to its normal scratch of 60,60,60,60,60 unfortunately he was only hitting, 59,57,55,58,59 and he was a bit unlucky with the draw and found himself up against someone who actually aimed for the treble!!! it got to 6-4 and everyone was a little tense I'm not sure why as we had our two bankers on last................. yep you guessed it me and the Snatural Lark, full of mouth as usual and with a bit of swagger after our victories the week before. I was a bit shaky at the start but pulled myself together as I realized my opponent was horrific and played a wee bit better towards the end registering the teams 1st high score of the night!!!!!!!!!! omg wtf!!!!!!!! anyway 7-4 up and the win was secure. The Snatural was up next and in the same situation as the week before in a game of no relevance, The Snatural took victory, and the same as the previous week he was a bit unlucky and it didn't count because we already had 7 and I got another one up on him- its great when you make up the rules of competitions as you always win

The only most wins cup people care about update:

ph 3 wins
fluff 1 win
the natural 1 win

Well with Smasher off to the Ole Frank to prep for the next days wedding duty, Fluff being a poooffffffff and me being absolutely knackered after a late night and a bit to much wine the night before it seemed that we would not head out...... nope I pulled myself together and gathered up the troops and me, Penfold, Linx and Dirty Peek cruised into ob, I won a pound by betting Nathan Hart would be in the Waveney, yep there he was!!!!!! I then trapped off a bit about whooping people at pool and lost every game!! briiiillliiiiaaannnntttt!!!
Broadview then was on our radar, surely the buka bus wasn't there again!!!!!!!!???????? we tentatively poked our heads round the door, the fear was etched on our faces, we gripped each other tight as we huddled together we hoping it wasn't there............... nope it wasn't YIPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WE CRIED, I think I had tears of joy in my eyes. what to drink? no buka? oh I know we will have to have!!!!! a couple of bottles of apple sour and stroll round with raspberry vodka drinks with little berries floating around in them- its important to get older with grace think we may have them again next week!!!!!!!!!!

Joke corner

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?""Just rub toilet paper between them."Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?""I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

an exciting new feature!!!!

Gotts Watch

Have you seen this man?? if you do please do not hesitate to text me with the exact date and where abouts!!!! we need to keep an eye out to put his parents minds at rest!!! so if you spot him, make the effort and do what is right!!!

The last reported sighting was 1855 on Saturday the 18th of the month 2010 a black bmw was reported to be seen leaving the kfc car park with a rather large carrier bag of food! could this have been the elusive DG!?

Weekend Sportsman over and out!

B-TEAM WRITE UP

2010-09-22T06:49:00.000-07:00

Hello again Potty fans

Following last weeks victory a vicious rumour (started by Ozzie) has been circulated (by Ozzie), that we can only win when Ozzie is playing!

An away trip to the Hearts of Oak (without Ozzie again) was, therefore a good opportunity for the guys to prove that this rumour is completely unfounded.

As well as Ozzie, we were also without Hos and Yid and this years part-timers Das Hos and Shillo, meaning that Wally was going to have to step in for two games and he was thrown straight in at the deep end, on first in the doubles. Playing with Clint, they put together a good game and were 300 ahead on their way to securing the win. 1-0. Bungle and myself were next with a good close game that Billy enjoyed so much he forgot he was having trouble letting go of the darts! Nice and smooth and well on his way back! Straight in and straight out – 2-0. Glynn and Trev next, question – who hits double 19? Answer – Glynn does. 3-0. a good battle from Moysie and Shoot em up and a rare 4-0 up after the doubles. Three good solid games from me, Billy and Moysie and were 7-0 up with the points secured.

Wally was next on and unlucky to come up against their best player in the form of steve bidle (although he did try to avoid this by stepping up to the oche for the game before in the hope that no-one would notice) and we lost our first leg of the night.

A good 66 finish from Goochy and a solid game from Glynn and we were 9-1 ahead. With Wally becoming concerned that he might soon hear a loud out of tune rendition of a certain one hit wonder hit from the eighties, Shoot em up went on and spared him this fate by not being able to finish. 9-2 and no Chesney! Clint (who is fast turning into the midnight cowboy based on the time of the day he plays his best darts) was on last (again, fortunately) and although he struggled to finish, managed to hold on for a convincing 10-2 win.

So the rumour mill can stop, we can win without Ozzie. This week we’ll find out if we can win without me as well as I am missing on family duties so good luck to the boys at home to the Kevill.

I’ll see you all soon

All the best

Atko

THE CHALLENGE

2010-09-08T07:49:00.000-07:00

Last Friday night saw the first in what the spectators hope to be a thrilling challenge match series. The Challenge was First person to completely devour 3 buttered bread rolls was the CHAMP (perfectly normal friday activity). Billyhill did a book on the event which saw both competitors hard to split. Once the event took place there was only one winner. The old Hare and the Tortoise scenario. Matt tried to swallow the first roll whole and never recovered. Gary's more composed method saw him to victory. Gary 'The Mouth' Flatt beat Hooky comprehensively (Seeings as Linx pointed out that Gary finished first and Matt had dropped half a roll on the floor!!!)

So Flatty is the undisputed champion of the WORLD!!!! Who will try and defeat him this week

LEAGUE WEBSITE LINK

2010-09-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

I have added a link at the TOP of this page to the Offical 'Festival League Darts Website'

Just click on the link to access Fixtures, League Tables, Statistics and all you would ever want to know about the league

(So Glynn you will always know where yoyr playing now!)

B-TEAM WRITE UP

2010-09-08T06:35:00.000-07:00

Hello again

Two weeks to catch up on and following two straight 9-3 defeats we were hoping for better away at the Working Mens Club.

As is usual at this time of year, we were missing a few players for a variety of injuries and other reasons; Glynn Whall – away on international duty, Wally – back, Stridey – Shoulder, Yid – Yom Kippur or something, Oz – freak heart injury caused by Cupid’s arrow. Fortunately we had Shillo on the right duty week and Darren (Michael Palin) King had postponed the latest leg of his world tour to be available.

We started with Michael Palin and Clint with a good effort but no win to go one down, followed by Bungle and yours truly with a fine example of how not to get away and give your opponents a huge lead. Somehow we caught up and nicked a win which was a bit of a mugging thanks to a quick finish. The mugging was then repayed with Goochy and Shillo on the receiving end but an excellent performance from Hos with a 136 and a 136 start helped him and moysie to a win to leave a respectable 2-2 after the doubles.

Into the singles and a good game from Billy got us ahead but we were soon behind again after losses from Moysie, Shillo and me (still showing how not to start and give your opponent a 300 lead). Goochy and Clint then both won to level it at 5-5 and give us hope with Hos Bros on last two. Tight games and unlucky but we lost both for a 7-5 loss on the night. At this stage we seem to be in a competition with West Ham to see who can get the first point of the season and I hope its us because they don’t look like getting one for at least another 6 weeks!

So to this week and the visit of X Servs B. sticking with the pairing of Bungle and Me we had a solid start winning a close game before Clint and Yid lost to make it 1-1. Hos and Moysie then tried their hardest to make sure we went 2-1 down but didn’t quite make it and held on to win a pretty slow game with an even slower finish. A good fourth game from Goochy and Romeosborne and we were ahead after the pairs for the first time this year. A very solid opener from Glynn with a 140 was followed by a loss from Goochy who had obviously watched me last week and thought you were supposed to give your opponent a massive head start. A good battling game brought a win from Bungle but this was followed by another loss, this time from Moysie. I then managed to get away this week with a 112 start and played ok for a win and, wait for it, that’s 6 games and weve got a point! With Shoot em up next and miles ahead we thought we could turn it into two points but alas he couldn’t finish. When Hos decided to follow the famous Quiff system of give your opponent a massive head start, we were pulled back to 6-5 and everything was on Clint on last who had a tough game in prospect. Hang on though, Clint on last and its getting late, this could be good for the man who wants to propose that matches should start at 10-00 because he always plays better later. Sure enough this proved true and an excellent showing from the ice man secured us our first win of the season (there you go Hammers, follow that!)

Now we are up and running, we can look forward to next week’s trip to the Hearts of Oak

More news to follow – watch this space.

All the best

Quiff

POT BLACK A VS KESSINGLAND QUEENS HEAD

2010-09-08T04:26:00.000-07:00

Hi all

Another Friday night and what can I say a 9-3 win, the team have made a very good start to season, very strange situation to be in, a quick analysis of how the games were lost!!!!!!!!!! I played twice Nicky Lark played once, yep that's 3 games!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't need to spell it out for you!!!.. Ok I will I'm awful, if anyone has any tips let me know because I need all the help I can get.

Me and Skip lost our doubles despite looking in control and the singles losers are above.
Good performances' by all but my memory is a bit sketchy as the buca bus pulled up and I went for a little ride, what can I remember?

1. Dirty Stop Out stayed out!!!!!!! yep it really did happen
2. Dirty Stop Out attempts liar dice with mixed success!!!!! I think he called Linx a liar on some stupid ones and won, I'm sure I remember a pair of kings being a lie! always worth a crack to see the cob on from Mr Cob on!
3. Fluffy rounds off a quiet Friday by being sick all over the couch- I bet Rach was well chuffed.
4. I'm still on most high starts and highest score in the team!!!! oooohhh yeeaaaaahhh.

Joke Corner
A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?" The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves.
A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"The bartenter, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

Amazing Fact
The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump! (LINX NEVER WAS GREAT IN THE AIR AT FOOTY!)

POT BLACK A vs MARQUIS (B I THINK)

2010-09-03T11:15:00.000-07:00

DREAM TEAM STAR MAN OLD FLUFF

12-0 - God damn, a potential chesney losing chance has gone.

Second game in and already struggling for players due to holidays, work, and general laziness. Never fear our back up players of old Fluff and even Older Fluff don't let us down and we swing into the Marquis with the straight 8. New boys Andy ' The Haircut' Spring and Gavin 'Dirty stop out' Peek are looking a bit nervous as they enter their old stomping ground. They spend a couple of minutes checking out the competition and after a huddle up in the corner they emerge with a little smirk and the old swagger back.

Doubles
Unbelievable I know as we won 12 -0 the doubles ended up 4-0. The first 2 doubles struggled a wee bit, Linx and Old fluff never looked in danger, But Linx once again didn't live up to his reputation and was clearly missing his normal high quality partner. Bardy and Older Fluff also looked a bit shaky, Bardy assured as ever on the cokes (not) had to rely on Older Fluff who had a solid game despite only picking up darts once a millennium, fancy a game every week?? last two doubles played far better- oh yes I did figure in one of them!!! The teams of Skip and Ph, and Haircut and Dirty stop out both played extremely well and cruised to victories.

Into the singles

and everyone is already a little nervy, they know the chesney is on!!! To be honest there were no alarms, Once the usual suspects like the coca cola kids Bardy and Skip won and I avoided the double chesney 12-0 was inevitable, Fluff got the jerky arm out and played well taking player of the night award with a 19 darter (annoying isn't it!!!!). Dirty Stop out had the pressure of last game on, I provided the usual support by taking the Mick thinking I could get him to jelly it but he was never in trouble and yep I'm still the one and only, Briiilllliiiaaannnnttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Anyone ever seen a bloke bring a dart case the size of a laptop bag to the pub containing about 20 sets of darts then use just 1 set the size of drawing pins?? I have Keith Allen- I let it ride obviously by shouting it out extremely loudly so everyone could have a good p**s take!!!!!! I never lose my charm ha ha!!!!!

Other Points

1. Dirty stop Out breaks his personal best for staying out.
2. Juke boxes are the way forward on a Friday.
3. The colour of money is extremely hard to win on.

After staying at the Marquis for a while me and Linx face a massive dilemma, shall we join Dave Smith and the haircut in a jaunt to the mighty Plough and Sail- We make the right choice and pop off back to Linx for a kebab and a bit of gambling!!! obviously a good idea we won loads!!!! we also treated ourselves to a watching a bit of WWE fu** we are cool!!!!!

Joke Corner
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Amazing Fact
The average person laughs 10 times a day! (This week its me who is above average)

Weekend Sportsman over and out!!!!

B-TEAM (FORTNIGHTLY) WRITE UP

2010-08-27T03:13:00.000-07:00

Billy 'Pops up in form'

Greetings Potty B fans.

After months of waiting, eager anticipation and speculation, its finally here. No not the new football season, the new Friday darts league!

The first game was last week and not really worth a mention. Away to Lake Lothing, managed to get away without any incidents lost 9-3. Lots of missed doubles and a good first win for new signing Glynn Whall.

Last night saw the first home game of the season welcoming Marquis A. With two of their players from last year having moved to our A team, we wondered if they might be weaker, but not for long.

Good to see Bungle playing well and for the second week running he and I played doubles, played pretty well but couldn’t do enough to win so 1-0 down. We were followed by losses for Kingy and Yid, Glynn and Hos against very good opponents and Shoot em up and Clint, last weeks only doubles winners, who didn’t really get going. 4-0 down after the pairs and not looking very promising. We were soon 5-0 down after hos lost to an excellent Alan Baker before finally we got a leg on the board thanks to Billy with a really good game including a 140. A loss for Glynn before I went on and managed to get another leg only to be followed by further losses for Yid and Moysie before a fine performance from Paul (put me on late and is there any chance the match could start at ten o clock) Tyler, to beat Mick Wooltorton. A loss on last from Stridey and we had fallen to our second consecutive 9-3 loss.

Overall the atmosphere was disappointingly flat at home and we just didn’t really get going so be prepared for a few procedural changes in the future. Still I suppose we should take heart from the fact that Manchester City have spent £128 million and Mancini reckons it will take them 8 weeks to settle down. On that basis, we have spent £1.28 so any fans who are either time travelers or immortal can expect us to come good in around 153 thousand years.

Hopefully it wont take quite that long and we're looking for an improvement next week away at the Working Mens Club.

All the best

Quiff

POT BLACK A VS FACTORY ARMS

2010-08-19T04:09:00.000-07:00

And here we are again, winter league!!!!!!!!!, don't be deceived by the fact its August we have had our 2 weeks sun and yep it really is winter again! first game of season and and 8-4 win against a reasonable looking factory side.

Ill give it a go at remembering roughly what happened.

First doubles on, Skip and Smasher, obviously a bit of rustiness and both players struggled, 1-0 down, we won the next 2 games as Peeky and Bardy and Nicky Lark and Serious both won.
Last up Me and Linx- after talking up how many games we won last year there could be only one result yep you guessed it- loss briiiillllllliiiiaaannnt!!!! I was crap as usual but unfortunately so was Linx. The summer break has obviously made him forget what team sports means with me involved. You do all the work and I just take the glory. I think this has jolted his memory and he will be back in full flow next week. (and on the chalks!!!)

N.B Weekend Sportsman chalks up the teams first high score of the season!!!!!!!!!!

Into the singles, asking me to remember the order is just ridiculous!!!!!!!

We won 6 of them, losers were Myself and Bardy. Bardy was way ahead but unfortunately the coke kicked in and his opponent registered an unlikely victory. Good debut wins from both Peeky and Springy. Other winners, Serious, Smasher, Linx and Nicky Lark.
A good start boys well played!!!!!!!!!!

The great singles dual has kicked off again but Nicky Lark won so he is excluded until he starts losing!
PH 0- Fluff 0, ha ha ha!!!!!!!!! surely I can win this!!!!!!!!!! (well I think he is playing this week, I could be 1 down)

Things got a bit loud after the game, table bowls were brought out for the opening night, after a very dubious draw, Flatty and Linx were paired together and scraped past Me and Springy, they will say otherwise but don't believe them- God knows how they beat us, as Fluffs eye sight was clearly under the influence of a 3 o clock start and he was adamant that his ball was closer!!!!!!!!!!! no Fluffy no matter how much noise you make its still not!

Off to broadview we toddled- After an altercation with some proper yarco birds outside(ewwwww) in we went, no Dagenham Dave this week so we were quickly bored, He must have been in the Waveney, everyone knows daggers up there and off home we toddled via the legendary Flames.

Other points

1. Apologies from the previous blog, misspelling on Ruben, sorry Skip, I blame mum.
2. I get the card to Dave T's!!!!!!! no way!!!!!!!!!!!
3. 2nd game and we are struggling for a team!!!!!!!! ALREADY!!!!
4. Nicky Lark and Smasher use the same hairdressers!!!!!!!!!

Joke corner

A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room. After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."The man shouts, "You're on!"After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."

Amazing Fact

The average person in the West eats 50 tonnes of food and drinks 50,000 litres (11,000 gallons) of liquid during his life. (Serious I think you are clearly above average on this occasion!!!!!!!!)

Note to Self

I MUST remember to use Capital Letters in next weeks blog!!!!!! (AAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!)

A-TEAM PRE-SEASON BLOG!!!

2010-07-28T04:14:00.000-07:00

Well I suppose with the season starting in a few weeks and the Quiff posting a blog I feel its my turn to chirp up!! It seems I have the responsibility of writing the blog this year and you know what that means, well a number of things actually.

1. It will never be on time
2. No information about things that happen after 10pm will be in any way correct
3. Flatty is gonna get loads of abuse
4. I'm gonna be brilliant every week, either that or very unlucky!!!!!

(5. Ready will have to spend hours each week correcting your grammar!!!!!!)

So what's been happening in the fantasy world known as Harrod land?????

A big thanks to all the guys who played summer league, a really great laugh, managed to get a team every week, and we should have qualified and gone onto win it but unfortunately it seems that if there is some rule in the summer league that if a team doesn't turn up to a game they get 5 legs for it!!!! weird, ah well didn't cost us, we lost out by 2 legs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIAAANNNNNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A summer shindig to Portugal for my 30th took place, once again a big thanks to those who went, great laugh, and some more memories, a few very brief points to note.

1. The tequila train is not a way to transport home.
2 The jager yacht is not a day trip on the ocean.
3. Fluffy doesnt need sun tan lotion , apparantley he goes straight brown.
4. Be very wary of 50 year olds, not backward in coming forward from what I hear
5. £15 is not how much a chicken sandwich meal should cost!!!
6. Ben Williams knows how to ensure he always has a roof over his head, book two hotels!!!!!
7. ALWAYS ENSURE THE ORGANISER KNOWS THE FLIGHT TIMES!!!!!!!!

Enough of looking back lets look forward, we have a couple of new signings in Peeky and Springy, pleased to have you on board guys!!! all you need now is nicknames!!!!! Im sure we will have the usual great laugh, play some utterly horrific darts, and end up going to the presentation night getting obliterated and picking up a very shiny runners up trophy,which will end up get left behind!!!! BRIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIAAANNNNNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last but not least a big congrats to Skip (Craig) and Gemma who had their 1st baby on monday evening a bouncing baby boy called Rubin!!! yeah thats right guys im the worlds most responsible uncle!!!!

cheers for reading, you'll be hearing from me soon.

over and out.

Uncle Weekend Sportsman, PH, Chesney, aka Tw**.
( who won the most games last year Fluff??????????????)

PRE-SEASON BONUS BLOG!!!

2010-07-22T03:58:00.000-07:00

Hello Potty B fans.

Well I haven’t posted anything for a while as we are in the summer break and not a lot going on as the regular potty b boys are not playing in the summer league (except of course for desperate last minute call ups to help the other guys out).

Following our respectable mid table finish last season, all the team have been plaguing me to post some stats. Well, not all the team, that’s a bit strong. Many of the team, no that’s not right either, some of the players, oh sod it alright then Darren had a good season and wants to know how he got on! (I don’t think anyone else could give a s*!t) but here goes with the win records for those who care about such things:-

It was an interesting season and apart from the wins there were some other notable achievements:

Most nicknames - Billy Bennett
Most spins - Dave Stride
Specsavers award - Mark Osborne
Hilarys Blinds award - Shaun Hoskin
Lord Lucan award - Paul Gallagher
Air miles award - Darren King

Well it’s the closed season and although it’s a bit hot to be thinking about the winter league it is only a month away and starts on August 13th (yes the night of the air show)

Obviously we are in the transfer window and everyone will be keen to know if we will be able to hang on to our star players. That one’s easy we haven’t got any and nobody wants us so we shall all be here (seriously, where else would any of us want to go??)

More to the point, Wally has told us that funds are ok so we do not need to sell to buy, so who can we get in. The good news is we have two new signings for the new season with Graham Shillings and Glynn Whall both joining for a combined fee of £1.28! We all welcome them to the team and are sure they will enjoy it.

Not much more to say at this point. Once the season gets going the regular blogs will be back

See you soon

Bye all

Quiff

A-TEAM WRITE UP (well a quick note anyway)

2010-03-19T05:01:00.000-07:00

Season has drawn to an end almost and I'll be hanging up my darts for the summer no doubt! Especially if Paul Harrod is the captain!!!!!

Not had much time this week to blog up and after this season we'll be looking for another blogger to freshen these weekly pi$$ takes up as I'm retiring from the writing!!!! About fcuking time I hear you all say? Well if you'd rather have PH giving you a load of bull each week, then good luck!

Nearly forgot!

Still the holder of the 11-1! Nicknamed Chesney!!!!!!

A quick joke before I go.......

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him..

See ya soon

Linx

Capt Cob

Vice Skip

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-03-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

Hi Potty Fans

The season is drawing to a close and with premiership survival assured for another year we are trying to see how far up the table we can finish with seventh our best goal.

An away game last week to the Queens Head, never easy on that throw but we made life extremely difficult by losing all four doubles. We were not able to recover from that and despite winning our share of the singles went down 8-4. a poor performance on the night and not much more to say really.

This week we entertained the struggling Stanford Oak hoping we could get some more points. Missing Yiddo with man-flu, bungle got some practice in before the game and was looking really comfortable so a recall for bill in the doubles and wally in the singles, simples!

We got off to a good start with Clint and Goochy (who had made the best recovery from illness since Lazarus) somehow managing to nick the game despite their opponents hitting three 140’s. various cries of robbery and buggery (not sure what game Shaun was watching) but at least we were one nil up. Hos and Moysie played a solid game for 2-0 before the much awaited return of Billy in the Billy and Johnny show. Unfortunately Bill’s good practice disappeared with the return of the dreaded yips and we were back to 2-1. I’m not saying this is getting to him but apparently he has now enrolled for a six-week course of therapy at the Gary Flatt Clinic for Disgruntled Dartists known as Darts Under Fluffy Flatt’s Expert Rehabilitation Scheme (DUFFERS).

Anyway, a reasonable game from me and Shoot em up got us 3-1 ahead after the doubles.

Whats the best thing to do when 3-1 up and going well? I know, lets lose three out of the next four and make a really exciting game of it!

Clint first, far too early in the evening, he hadn’t even warmed up yet. A very good game from Stridey to keep us two ahead before Ozzie (finished like the West Ham front line) and Wally (started like a granny in a Grand Prix) both lost to leave us level at 4-4.

A comfortable win for Goochy before Hos went on feeling confident after realising that their best player, A Curtain, was away on holiday this week, and secured us the draw. Good games from Darren followed by me (on last again!) and the final result was 8-4 to us.

Two games to go, both away to Marquis and Hearts and still on target for a top half finish.

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

2010-03-10T04:24:00.000-08:00

Great, back once again with another weeks blog!

Just to remind you all of our current Chesney.........

Darts took some organising this week to scrape a team of 8 together! Gottsy makes two matches on the trot and Fluff Senior turned out again to show the youngsters how it's done!

I got a home game to captain this time and I know what skip means about paperwork! Fill in the book, write up the blackboard and fill in the card!!!!!

Ash pops in a hat trick of wins! Fluffy and PH argue who has been the best player this season and Eddy shows us that winning was just a blip in his season!!!!!

Result 10 - 2

That was a quick summary!!!!

Other News

1/ Fluffy sneaks off later to get KFC for one!

2/ PH gets upset that Gottsfreecabs don't go to Oulton Broad!

3/ Team Angry destroy PH and Fluff senior at 3 super curl table bowls!

4/ After choosing his favourite numbers, Linx prevails as champ at halfies, after a late scare on the bullseyes from Ricky and Bash!

5/ Lake Lothing were a bloody good laugh this week! No trouble at all, but that could be because Wrighty and Selfy were missing! Lol

Joke Corner

This is old but I love it! Still don't think it's true but sounds brilliant. Here goes

.............A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART.. After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim, and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

See you next week

Linx

Capt Cob

Vice Skip

A-TEAM REPORT

2010-03-03T08:40:00.000-08:00

Well hello everyone!

Sorry about the blog last week! Had a hectic week and never got time. Also waiting on Ready's mate to sort the following for us which basically sums up last weeks blog!!!!!

This week we had the dreaded trip away to KWMC. Potential banana skin team for us having got knocked out of the KO cup at Christmas by them!

No skip this week either so it was up to me to fcuk the book up!!!

Doubles were the usual me & tw@t + fluffy & smasher with the reformed pair of serious & Gottsy + Bardy & eddy! We scrapped home in the doubles just with a slender 3 - 1 lead!

Onto the singles and me up first. I drew 'I only play against the pot black A Johny Golf!' After a very poor leg by both I managed a 110 finish to go one further into the lead at 4 - 1. Smasher next up and the same result! Now sitting at 5 - 1 up it seemed a formality!!!!Next three up were Tw@t, Fluffy and Eddy. I know what you're thinking and maybe you're right this time???? Yes you are, they all lost! 5 - 1 up now turned into 5 - 4 with Serious, Bardy (on cokes) and Bash next to go!!!!!

Serious made us sweat for a bit before finally nailing the all important double! Phew!!! Bardy wins despite being on cokes or larger so no surprises to see him win again and Bash chalks up two wins on the trot! Lovely old job lads 8 - 4.

Other News

1/ They now do different flavour sambukas! Guess what they taste like? Still the same as before, ANISEED!

2/ I've also found a worse drink than half a cider with a shot of baileys! A shot of vodka with vinegar and tobasco!!!! Ask fluffy if he enjoyed it. lol

3/ KWMC is good for one thing. . . . . Homemade pickled onions!

Joke Corner

1/ Just driving my new Toyota Prius. Chat later, can't stop.

2/ Capello's just phoned Wayne bridge up and said " I've just spoken to john terry and he's lost the captain's armband. do me a favour and have a look under ur bed"!!

3/ Bloke walks into a brothel, and says " i'm extremely kinky how much for total humiliation? " the madam replies £37.50. He replies "wow what do i get for that? " she says " an Ipswich shirt"

See you soon boys

Linx
Vice Skip
Capt Cob

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-03-03T04:14:00.000-08:00

Hello Potty B fans.

We’ve had a good couple of results recently with back to back wins but we will all admit we haven’t played well. To be honest we all seem to have been a bit flat for weeks now but have managed to scrape results.

So even though we’ve been getting the points we were slightly apprehensive on Friday for the visit of the Ole Frank who thrashed us 11-1 at their place earlier in the season.

Our fears seemed justified as we quickly went 3-0 down with Yid and Hos losing the first doubles, followed by Stridey and me although we had a few darts to win it and then Goochy and Oz up against an in-form Bully who weighed in with 180. Moysie and Darren then managed to take advantage of poor finishing to get us one on the board.

This was now the same position we had in the away game when we managed to lose all 8 singles. Hoping to avoid a repeat, we soon settled thanks to a good game from Clint to take out Sean Wilson. If the legend could have started sooner in the next game we would have drawn level but unfortunately he left himself too much to do despite fighting back to give himself a chance. With the score at 4-2 down, we needed to find some singles form if we were to get a result. Stridey was on next against Eddie and played really well, even feeling confident enough to go for an exhibition double top double ten finish before the familiar Michael Jackson spin into the handshake. Next up was Yiddo who had forced himself into two games after some really good performances over the last few weeks. How would he get on? Would the pressure get to him? No need to worry as Steve played as if all his Bahmitvah’s had come at once. Straight in, straight out, a 140 and no scores below 60. Not bad eh! This was probably the best game Bungle’s darts had played for weeks as Steve has been throwing them really well. Obviously this started a discussion as to whether Billy should sell his darts to Steve, particularly as he has some new ones but Billy was adamant he wouldn’t sell. Obviously everyone has their price though and I think they eventually struck a deal for half of Premier and a bag of crisps!

Back to the game and, inspired by Yid’s performance, Hos went on and played superb to beat Gary Bull who hot two 140’s. We had now got ourselves ahead and when Darren beat John Dyke we had secured the draw with two games to go. I was on next and a steady 19 darter got us to seven and a great win. Unfortunately Moysie on last couldn’t beat Bully to leave the score at 7-5 but we were chuffed with that.

It was good to see some of our players playing so well and we all felt that this had pulled us out of the flat feelings we have suffered recently.

We have now safely secured a mid-table finish and hope we can keep our form going over the next few weeks starting next week away to the Queens Head

See you soon

Bye all

Quiff

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-02-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

Hello Potty B fans.

A couple of weeks to catch up on starting with a home game against the Football Club. Ladbrokes were not offering very good odds on the draw as we have managed to hit 6-6 on the last three occasions so we knew it was going to be another close game.

That said we managed to start out trying to let them thrash us with shoot em up and yid (tame) then magoo and the legend (also tame) and then quiff and clint (bloody awful) all losing to leave us 3-0 down. Fortunately we had the in-form Bros on next and Shawn and Darren got the first leg on the board for us. This started a good revival for us with moysie winning the first singles. Hos (who had previously that evening been trying a new tactic of moving around like a marionette from an old episode of Thunderbirds, ably assisted by Bungle and Stavros) also played well to draw us level. Stridey then took us ahead for the first time before Oz lost and I won (God knows how) to keep us in the lead at 5-4. A loss for Clint set us up for what was looking like yet another draw and a tense finish. Step up the legend for a good game and a great attempt at a 145 finish. Trev missed the 145 by a gnat’s dick and missed 30 by 2 feet but held on to guarantee us the draw. Last on was Thunderbird 2 in the shape of Darren who played a superb last game to get us a great 7-5 win from 3-0 down.

Looking to keep it going, this week we travelled to bottom club ex servs d. we certainly didn’t have this one all our own way losing the first 2 doubles, moysie and oz to very good opponents and Bros who took half an hour to start, caught up, then couldn’t finish. Shawn was unlucky clipping the wires with every dart and was starting to get visibly frustrated until Billy pointed out that the nearest curtain was over 6 yards away and really shouldn’t have been causing a problem! Clint and yid got our first leg with Steve hitting our only two high scores of the night and further strengthening his claim for a place in the singles, although with the way some of us have been playing it doesn’t need much strengthening! A tight last doubles with me playing ok partnered by shoot em up and the score was level at 2-2.

Legend up first in the singles (tonight Matthew I’m going to be Dave Stride) as Trev won his game and performed the famous Stridey fluent one-legged spin into a hand shake. 3-2 to us. If Clint had started on time for the next game he’d have won but he left himself with too much to do. A good game from Hos was followed by an equally good game from ozzie, until the end with around a 100 darts at a double but just couldn’t finish. Stavros then took full advantage of his opponents slow start followed by Moysie with an exact replica to secure us the draw. Two games to go to get both points and Stridey played well before proving there is only one shoot em up, original and best, as he showed Goochy his real class with a perfectly landed triple salko into a handshake. That’s the way to do it. With the points secured I went on last and should have got thrashed but was let off at the end to leave the final score 8-4 to us.

Back to back wins to strengthen our position trying for a top half finish.

We are at home next week to the old frank who thrashed us 11-1 away so we are looking for a drastic improvement.

Regular readers will have noticed a lack of mentions for Bungle over recent weeks. He is threatening to come back soon after taking a Jarvisesque sabbatical following a bad game. Mind you, in his absence, Yid has been throwing his darts and playing really well with them. Watch this space.

See you soon

Bye all

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

2010-02-17T03:26:00.000-08:00

The weeks sure do pass quickly!

Congratulations to Bardy and his missus on the arrival of their baby daughter during the week, Amber Poppy.

Congratulations also to Eddy for winning his first singles match in 8 attempts and stopping the rot. It also means PH is level with you most defeats on the bounce with 7! Magical!

Fluffy is on one defeat now so beware! Although I'm not sure there's enough games left to reach the record!

Away to Ex Serv D this week and all eyes were on Eddy's singles match! Except mine, as I was with PH again this week in the doubles, Doh!

I can only remember a few facts about the evening so here goes:

1/ PH was crap in the doubles and won!

2/ PH was crap in the singles and won!

3/ Linx hit a 150 finish in the doubles (partly how PH got a win)

4/ Eddy recorded a much needed win to ensure he wasn't a runaway loser!

5/ Result 9 - 3 win

False advertising!!!!!!

Everyone must have heard that annoying advert on tv? No, not "Go Compare" or "Compare the meerkat.com", it's the car buying advert.........."We buy any car dot com, we buy any car dot com, we buy any car dot com, any any any any, we buy any car dot com!!!!!!

Well it's now official that it's false advertising as PH called them to get them to buy my old mondeo I sold him 2 years ago. They didn't offer a ridiculous price, they simply told him straight......."I'm sorry, the car doesn't fit our requirements"! Lol

Other News

1/ Fluff and Linx destroy both challenges this week at table bowls!

2/ The B team get through all 12 legs this week!

3/ KFC stays open until 12, but you cannot order what you like, only what they want to sell you! I hear the strawberry smoothie thingy was amazing though!

4/ Ready hits 30 years of age! I know, he looks much older. Lol

5/ Gottsfreecabs shows up and stands firm. He refuses to take PH home across the other side of town!

Joke corner

Terry : 'What a shite couple of years. Mum's a thief. Dad's a druggy. Been pulled up in the tabloids several times for my arrogant behavior and now just missed the decisive penalty in a Champions League final'
Bridge : ' Humph, Count yourself lucky mate.....I've just found out my missus has Aids'

See you next week

Linx

Capt cob

Vice skip

B-TEAM REPORT

2010-02-17T03:09:00.000-08:00

Hello Potty B fans.

Sorry to all you ardent followers of the blog spot for the noticeable lack of anything at all so far this year. Its been a bit of a combination of bad weather raging man flu and strange events but normal service will soon be resumed.

This is therefore a bit of a news update to get us back up to date rather than the usual format but at least you will all be up to speed.

The first game after Christmas fell victim to the weather with the whole league program being cancelled due to the wrong kind of snow or leaves on the line or repair work at Colchester or something like that. This meant our first game was at home to the hearts of oak and unfortunately we were mostly suffering from a Christmas hangover, played pretty crap, lost and had to endure more singing (come on lads there’s incentive there for next year). We then went away to the working mens club and with me missing due to man flu (I know that strengthened the team) we played well and got a well earned 2 points. Unfortunately we could not keep it going as we entertained the hg the following week. Nuff said, couldn’t get near the previous heights we hit against them and lost 10-2. Last Fridays game away to the lake lothing had to be abandoned after some ill-feeling I am not going to elaborate on here, but it is now in the hands of the league as to what happens with the points. I won’t go on about that low point as we are looking forward to getting back to normal next week.

High points of the last few weeks: Hos Bros emerging as a formidable pairing (especially Shaun with 4 straight tons v the home guard) and Yiddo finding some form with some good high scores (in between the 7s and 9s).

A short catch up I know but now back on track so back to normal for next week.

A final point on a different subject. To all you people having a go at John Terry – leave him alone he’s done nothing wrong! If you check the football manuals it is clearly stated that if a full back leaves a hole it is the centre back’s job to fill it!

Will be back soon

Bye all

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

2010-02-11T04:48:00.000-08:00

Blog writing is already getting to me and this is only the second one this year!

Can I first of all give a big congratulations to Paul for winning his first game of singles in 8 attempts! Eddy is now level with Paul's record of 7 defeats on the trot but still hasn't stopped the rot! Let's hope things change around soon!!!

Look how much hair you can grow without cutting it until you win a game of darts!

That's enough motivation so let's move onto the darts!

At home to the Marquis B this week and Paul got a dream draw in the singles! He could take his usual 80 darts and still win this one!

2 - 2 after the doubles and things not quite going to plan!

The singles picked up and by the time Paul recorded a much needed win in 8 attempts it was only 21:30 with Eddy on last at 9 - 2. He seemed to have the leg in the bag against Storming Norman but I remember so clearly when Fluffy said "I think Eddy is regreting that last score (13)". I looked up at the board and there were two T20's when the next one hit the spot, Norm had hit his first 180 in 40 years of festival darts and took a comanding lead. The lead was too much for Eddy to claw back and he drew level with Paul on 7 defeats on the spin!

Result 9 - 3 (I think)!

Darts all finished at 21:35 which I think could be our personal best, that was until the B team marched in from their away match! How'd the feck could they get back so quickly from the lake lothing???

I'll let you speak to one of the B team to get a real account of what happened. All I can tell you is the score was 2 - 1 before the B team walked out!!!

Other news

1/ Paul sets new camp record with a pale pink polo shirt and bright fuscia pink jumper for his new darts strip!

2/ Gottsfreecabs is missing in action after devoting himself to the team for the remainder of the season!

3/ Dream bowls pair, Fluffy and PH get shown up by Chillo and Serious, before taking on Linx and Bungle and getting stuffed 7 - 1!

4/ How the feck was Chillo the world table bowls champion! He's as good at bowling as Aaron is at playing poker! That's $hit in case you were thinking!!!

5/ Stacey still not dressing for the summer yet! Damn!

Joke Corner

I bought a Racehorse today! I've decided 2 call him "My Face". I dont care if he doesn't win a Race? or make me any Money?I just Wanna Hear Thousands of those fuckin Posh Tarts at Ascot shouting ----''Cum On My Face!''.

See you all soon.

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

A-TEAM REPORT

2010-02-03T09:09:00.000-08:00

With the Christmas break I took and excuses to miss Eddy and Paul's losing streaks building up, I'm back at darts and reporting back with the first blog of 2010!

What a great start to the year!

POT BLACK DEFEATS THE EX SERV HG 11 - 1 After a slow start from the HG the Pot Black capitalised! With great performances in the pairs it took us to a 4 - 0 lead. Singles continued in the same fashion to lead 8 - 0 before grumpy graham from the HG managed to get a point back. The last 3 went to the home side to clinch an 11 - 1 victory! I think that's the last time they'll take us on at TABLE BOWLS!!!! Lol

Back to darts and away this week to the Oak Tavern! This was the venue that Hos moaned about playing at for weeks after (shocker) yet we think it's the best away venue this season! With the players championship darts on near the board, the bar at arms reach and a cracking bunch of lads, you could not want for more! I even bumped into an old football buddy (Robbie Mac) and tried to liken him to the muffin man (Steve Hines) as he was then playing on the TV! He seemed to take offence to this as he believes he's much more similar to Barry Bates!

ROBBIE MAC

BARRY BATES

Bantor followed from that moment on, with Barry Bates impressions going into overdrive with the limp!We had a full strength side out this week. That just means that we had all 10 players to choose from, not that they are all good! Skip deliberated for a while before resting himself and playing the rest of us! It worked bloody well as we won the match with the first 7 legs! I managed to sneak a White wash in there as well! All eyes were on a chesney at this point and next up was serious and amazingly he lost! He needn't have worried too much as PH and Eddy were still to play!!!!

Final result 8 - 4

Eddy now 6 without a win and PH is on 7! Sorry, I don't do motivation!

Other News

1/ Paul and Becky still not officially an item despite seeing each other every day and 50 texts or so!

2/ Gottsfreecabs sets record for most consecutive matches in attendance!

3/ Fluffy borrows Phil Taylor darts from Vinny as he beleives he'll be festival singles champion this year for sure! Let's watch him carefully this week lads!

4/ Chillo voted second worst computer game player of all time with PH by far the worst!

5/ If you haven't paid Paul for his 30th in Portugal, then get your £165 out lads! And get your passports sorted Hooks!!!

Joke corner

Carlo Ancelotti, Arsene Wenger, Alex Ferguson and Rafa Benitez are in a pub. Ancelotti gets up and gets a round in, Wenger gets up and gets the next round, then Ferguson and then Benitez. Ancelotti then goes up and buys himself a pint and sits down. Wenger, Ferguson and Benitez ask what the hell is going on? To which Ancelloti replies "This is the fifth round lads and your not fuckin in it!

See you all next week guys

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

The World Bowls Championship

2010-01-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

The 12 Finalists( From left to right):- Peter (chesty) Baker(bookmaker for the night), Sean (Curtains) Hoskins, Mark (Smelly bum)Osborne, Chris(teetotal) Read, Paul ( the most unlikely looking bank manger, ever!) Harrod, Daaaarren (Ballerina) Laws, Gavin( Casanova) Chillingworth, Glynis( pint of Bacardi) Wall, Mick (Never gets A-N-G-R-Y!!!) Wall, Darren (Free Cabs) Gotts, Max(Haven't been dumped for a month) Wall, Jamie(the only PB footy player to break his leg in a warm up) Butcher.

The night was agreed in mid-December in a universal poll so everyone can keep it free! What happened? .........You've got it in one! The most pathetic of excuses for not turning up anyone has ever heard! You see, when these so called in-door sportsman have got a few pints of of the club's finest down their neck they'll promise to do anything!

Well here's a few of the most pathetic ones which deserve a mention!

GARY " I'm the best in the club, EASY!" FLATT :- Can't come I've got the world SUBBUTEO championship!!!

BILLY " Some thieving B ****** has nicked my NEW phone, hold on!What's this lying under the bar stool in the bar" BENNETT :- If I come out I'll spend £80 on drink! Which equates to 29.629629296 pints of Premier!!!! (good-one!)

RYAN "I AM a good dart player! arn't I? Please tell me I am" Lincoln :- I've been struck down with PIG-FLU! (Didn't you pass me in your car Saturday!!!)

Anyway we were all a bit relieved about them NOT turning up as Elf & Safety insisted that if Paul Harrod and Chillo plus the wossy "three" above are all in the same room the decibel reading would be SO HIGH... Earfenders would had to be compulsory!

After extensive preliminary rounds throughout the day, out of the 64 who turned up by 7 pm only twelve remained! (pictured above). Alternating on two tables which had two completely different sets of bowls on them meant the eventual winner would be the person who could adapt best and moreover the one can handle their drink best. As the man in charge was selling all pints at 50p (what a generous chappie) a one off for this auspicious occasion this was always going to be a tall order!

After a friendly game of doubles to warm up to let Peter 'the bookie' Baker set the odds on each player and also allow everyone get a few beers to steady the nerves, the singles draw was made.

The international committee decided on 4 groups of 3 players with the winner of each group going into the semi-finals. The draw was as follows:-

GROUP A :- GOTTS/ WALLY/ BUTCH

GROUP B :- LAWSY/READY/OZ

GROUP C :- HOS / CHILLO/HARROD

GROUP D :- BAKES/MAX/GLYN

In group A on table 1 with the more straighter bowls saw 'novice' Butch go into a 2-0 lead against the old fart Wally until lady luck struck against him. Again holding the nearest and scoring bowl, Wally went to blast the Jack out, missed completely, saw his bowl speed up the table hit the jaws of the middle pocket then role gently back and nestle on the Jack to win the end! This seemed to rip the heart of Butch and inspire Wally (WHO NEVER GETS ANY LUCK) to come back and win 5-2. The Gotts then played Butch (who had stopped crying know) and after a titanic tussle lost narrowly 5-4. Wally then had to play Gotts to finish Group A and again the match went to the final bowl which saw Gottsy deservedly snatch HIS first victory! As all the players had won one match the Count back rule came into play (which wally made up after he lost to Gottsy) and low and behold Wally went into the semi-final! (odds now 2-1)

In group B Ready played Oz on Table 2 with the BOOMARANG bowls. Ready quickly hit some form while Ozzy just 'whinged' and soon Ready was back necking at the bar with a 5-3 victory under his belt. Oz then had to get his act together fast and play the rank outsider 16-1 Daaaarren Laws. Lawsy who has as much finesse as a sumo wrestler blasted every end and although Oz used his TRUMP card (hence his nickname) it didn't deter Lawsy from Gaining his FIRST-EVER victory and send OZ back to the bar to talk about Chelsea!(least they win sometimes). So its Ready or Lawsy for the Semi final spot and was Ready feeling confident! Suddenly in less than the times it takes to down a mixed fruit koppaberg Ready was practicing on the dart board and Lawsy was smirking like a Cheshire Cat!! Lawsy is in the Semi's!!!!! (odds dropped down to 4-1)

Group C or as the players Hos, Chillo & Harrod were dramatically describing as the GROUP OF DEATH started with Chillo playing the 'ever-so-placid' Hos with the latter expecting to win. It was again nip & tuck and at 4-4 and both playing out of their skin when chillo nudged Hos's scoring bowl out and it was set point to chillo! Hos then had to play 'whispering' Paul Harrod (nothing like quiet Craig Harrod) and with Paul doing a running commentary on every bowl it was soon 'Curtains' for Hos with Paul coming out 5-1 victor. The decider, was the match of the super Gobs and who will come through? Well it was close and although Harrod was definitely the loudest it was the outsider who again edged it with 'Casanova' chillo booking the third place in the semi's .(odds slashed to 3-1)

Group D had Baker the bookie doing cartwheels when he saw he was grouped with two of the biggest novices to the game Max (spawn of the manager) Wall and our only 'lady' of the competition Glynis(Teetotal) Wall. Bakes knowing every trick in the book let mother & son play first so he will then play two in a row. This game had more on it then any other match of the night because if Max lost to his mum he said he would go live with his girlfriend!(if one day he could find one!!)

Nerves were jangling and nothing was going right for max when mum got the lead and stayed there. He pegged it back and it ended up 4-4 and yet again it was all on the last end. This was the one the bowls which could wreck a family! But would it? Course it won't! Glyn done what all good mums do and let her son win even without letting him know it! Bakes came to the table, chest sticking out and beat them both 5-2 to claim the final place of the semi's. (odds 1-2 favourite)

It was now 11pm the crowd were going wild and the first semi was between Bakes and Wally. Could the 'Guvnor' stop Bakes and bring him down a peg or two and stop his constant comments of how he's got the competition and all the money in the bag? The answer was no! Wally bottled it at went down without giving him a fight 4-1. Nothing new there! (but he didn't get angry)

The second semi of the two outsiders and a nightmare to the the bookmaker had an excellent match and it was also reported that Lawsy was actually playing good bowls and not relying on BASHING them! It was Chillo who finally came through but all credit to Lawsy who pushed him all the way.

THE FINAL

All the money was now going on Chillo (2-1) just to shut Bakes up and to stop him pocketing all of the wedge but everyone knew it was going to be tough. Wally and the bar even started buying Vodka's and cokes for Bakes in the hope of getting him even more sozzelled. Everyone was watching (except Ozzy and Ready) and from a slow start Chillo was playing brilliant and went into a 4-3 lead. Bakes then 'talked' one right on to the jack before Chillo slipped a backhand swerver and nudged it back out to leave Chillo still holding. Baker had one bowl left to stay in the competition and the Question is has he got the bottle in him? Well after arriving at the club at lunchtime he's more likely to have two bottles inside HIM!!! The bowl was no way near and CHILLO deservedly became the worlds first table bowls champion.

All thanks to Bakes who done a great job running the book, paid everyone out and only ended up £4 down.

Ready was still playing darts and didn't win one all night, Oz bored senseless about Chelsea so became a Trawler Boy instead and Max went happily to his own bed not knowing his mum had thrown it! In fact everyone had a great night!

Chillo receiving his world championship trophy.
( someone said that's the 1st thing he's kissed which has not turned into a FROG!)

B-TEAM XMAS BLOG

2009-12-23T03:18:00.000-08:00

Hello Billy
Hello Johnny
Hello everyone

It was nice of Captain Quiff to ask us back for Christmas wasn’t it Johnny
Yes it was Billy and hello to all our nice friends at the Pot Black B.
How have they been getting on Johnny
Well last week they lost in the league to Ex Servicemens A but we know because we were there weren’t we.
Well you were but I might as well not have been cause I didn’t win a game all night.
We were doing ok at 2-2 after the doubles but then we lost the first 5 singles thanks to Legend, Quiff, You, Shoot em up and Wall-E.
Hold on isn’t that last one a Robot
Well if he is he needs an upgrade
There must be a song about that
I then won followed by a loss for Yid before my bruvver won the last game
So we lost 8-4 but we were a bit short of players weren’t we
Yes we were missing Clint and Mozzie
What’s mozzie?
It’s Moysie and Ozzie, you know they always come together a bit like Jedward
Oh good so what happened this week
This week was the KO cup but you missed it Johnny
I know I was feeling a little queer
Now there must definitely be a song about that but couldn’t you have done that on a different night
No I was ill you pillock
Oh sorry Johnny
Anyway we had to play 2 matches against LSSCSCCSCSCCSCSCSCSSSC followed by the factory Arms and we won 5-2 and 5-1 to get to the next round
That’s very good and nice to win the last night of the year before Christmas

Speaking of Christmas Johnny, I’d like to sing some Christmas songs for all our friends.
That’s a good idea Billy but remember to think of health and safety and make sure you don’t offend anyone
What do you mean Johnny
Don’t worry you just sing and I’ll look after the rest

OK then lets start

The Rocking Song

Billy

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir; we will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you, we will rock you, rock you, rock you

Johnny

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative. Please note: only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells

Billy

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh, O'er the fields we go - Laughing all the way ...

Johnny

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched

Billy

While shepherds watched their flocks by night, all seated on the ground

The angel of the Lord came down and glory shone around.

Johnny

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his/her glory all around she/he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA,UVB and Glory.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Billy

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeerhad a very shiny nose.

And if you ever saw him,you would even say it glows

Johnny

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Little Donkey

Billy

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road; Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

Johnny

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr.Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings

Billy

We three kings of Orient are Bearing gifts we traverse afar -Field and fountain, moor and mountain

Following yonder star

Johnny

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.

That’s all for this year
Goodbye Billy
Goodbye Johnny
Goodbye everyone

MERRY CHRISTMAS

B-TEAM REPORT

2009-12-16T04:02:00.000-08:00

(inset - Paparrazi shots of Ozzie at home playing with his bowls - 'THAT's PORN!')

Well a couple of weeks have gone by with mixed fortunes for the B-side. A defeat to our A-team on 27th November was probably no surprise although we didn’t give too bad an account of ourselves with the score at a respectable 4-3 at one point before we lost the remaining games to lose 8-4. obviously we hadn’t anticipated the outstanding performance of their star player – no not Hooky, or Linx, or Craig or.... oh sod it ill put you out of your misery because youll never guess FLATTY! That said he did go on to win through to represent the A-team in the singles AND the doubles and was only not in the trebles because the rest of the team got a cob on and wouldn’t let him play! Well done Gaz.

This week saw us away to ex servs B and back in the points. An initial loss from Billy and Oz was followed by three straight doubles wins from Goochy and Stridey, me and Clint and Hos and Yid. Stridey then got us off to a good singles start with a win before I lost (against a 134 finish!) and so did Shawn. Four wins out the last five with only yiddo losing saw us home to a good 8-4 win.

Back at the club and a game of bowls broke out between me and billy (unbeaten over the proper distance of 21 points) and Shawn and Oz. a good game which we enjoyed revealed something strange about Ozzie. A good shot from me was followed by a cry from Oz of “that’s porn”. A bit later and a good shot from Bill and a cry from Oz “it’s porn”. Now we were all enjoying the game but we didn’t think it was that exciting! This continued all through the game with Ozzie seemingly obsessed with porn. I don’t know if you can read anything into this but maybe it explains why his eyesight is so bad!

Home to ex servs A this week and hoping for no injuries as we are down to the bare 8.

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT (ON TIME!!!!)

2009-12-10T09:55:00.000-08:00

Thought long and hard this week about doing a blog! Last week took me 1h 30m to prepare and Ready was a 'snail' and it never appeared in time for Friday!

Well I didn't want to disappoint you all, which is what Harry Burgess and Jimmy Shaw done to us!!!

At home (3rd week in a row now) and a tough match against the Ex Serv 'A'

With the draw completed it was important that we got a good result in the doubles! It was what we wanted with a 3 - 1 advantage going into the singles and a very high probability of us winning the match! With Jimmy Shaw and Harry Burgess on in the first three singles matches we thought it might be a bigger lead going into the tougher matches later on! Jimmy had a rocket up his ar$e and Harry's darts must have been thrown by someone else!!!! They played bl00dy brilliantly and we found ourselves 3 - 4 down and it was Plan B we had to rely on now!

I cant really remember the order of play, not because I was too drunk but distracted from the discussions of buying a drink after the match for the winner! Nigel Niblett was the guy everyone was laughing about after several players had recollections of Nibs requesting Pints or Bottles of Bulmers after winning his leg! This couldn't be true as Nibs is not a tight man, but doesn't win that many legs either!!!

Back to the darts and I beat the usual suspect Ian Burgess as we always get drawn against each other 4 - 4! Then it went 5 - 5 with Bash up next! Bash had 48 darts start to beat Harry Jarvis but was comfortably beaten in the end, OUCH! We needed to win on last with the Skip to get us a point and he was sold! 6 - 6!

I'd say well done in the end but if we'd put the gas on early then it could have been a little better for us!

Looking on the bright side this week (hopefully), Smasher and Skip wont feel the urge to play on the quiz machine before the darts this week (What a NOB)!!!

Other News

1/ Chillo is much worse than first thought at playing darts! (true story)
2/ Table bowls goes into a freenzy this week as people try to secure a doubles partner before the tournament in January!
3/ Gloomy faces around Pot Black as we find out there are no Turkey Crowns available for Christmas!
4/ Wally didn't get angry this week!!!

5/ Gottsfreecabs has broken down again it would seem!

Joke Corner

Did you hear about the two guys who went to the sperm donors? One of them 'came' on the bus and the other one missed the tube!

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-12-09T03:57:00.000-08:00

Welcome back to another edition of . . . . . .

What the f### do I write in the blog this week???

Away this week which is normally a bummer, but when you're playing the the Pot Black B side and you don't need to do a thing all night other than chuck a few arrows! HAPPY DAYS!

No Skip this week, Ash had called off so it was another turn out for Gottsfreecabs! With me picking the pairs anything could happen! Thankfully the doubles went as I had hope with a 3 - 1 advantage to the A side. Onto the singles and it was a different story! Winning only one of the first four games made the scores level at 4 - 4. Some indifferent performances from our lads with PH not being able to locate a double to finish and Nicky Lark not finding one to start!!!!

Larky, in need of some further attention to his overgrown barnet, but too scared to be caught at a womens salon he braved it against Quiff in the singles! After 3 throws Quiff was sitting on 129 and Larky hadn't started! I was bursting for the loo so missed the next few darts!!!! Question: What starts with 'White' and ends in 'Wash', Answer: Larky!

Larky is now the most nicknamed player with his latest being 'BASIL'

Back to the match and 4 - 4 could go either way now! Stevie Norfield was on last so we thought that might be ours but the rest were tricky! First up was our best player this year, 'Smasher' and 20 darts later we took back the lead. Next was me and again 20 darts later we'd secured the draw! Fluffy next and 18 darts later the win was secured and finally Bardy in 21 darts made the final score 8 - 4!

Well done lads. Back to winning ways and may it continue for the next three weeks!!!

Table Bowls

Wally wanted to join in so badly this week after Jedward had challenged me and PH to a game that he got into a big sulk and reluctantly joined in with some liar dice with the B team! (If Wally try's to change the story then he's lying!!!)

To the big match and just pride was placed on the table for this encounter! After 5 ends we all realised that the bowls do not actually work on the backhand, but my partner, PH, continued to roll some horrendous deliveries which in the end had cost us the match! PH version of events was that he was brilliant, the table and bowls didn't react as they should've and Shaun & Deadwood were the luckiest bowlers he'd ever seen! My version of events was I should've listened to Wally and hoped to get him as a partner, PH was horrific, Shaun was a little lucky and Darren was consistent throughout! You make your own minds up!

Play-offs

Saturday evening saw the A team play off for the singles, doubles and trebles! Not sure everyone wanted to play darts (probably just me) but it wasn't a night to remember for most of us!

The trebles were picked out! Done

The doubles draw saw Me & Serious take on Smasher & PH. It was like me & Serious playing Smasher at singles and in the end we managed to fall over the line and get through!!! The other match saw Skip & Larky take on Ash & Fluffy. After a long three leg tussle it was the 100% finishing from Ash that caused the first shock of the Night! Great to see Skip take it in his stride and tap Fluffy on the shoulder after the match "If Ash can't make it to the doubles, I'm your man"!

Singles next and as usual Serious drew Skip in the top half with me and Fluffy in the next! Bottom half pitched PH against Larky and Ash against Smasher!

Semi finals

Serious vs Fluffy (I was awful and didn't try according to the rest of them)
PH vs Smasher

PH played darts for a change and made Smasher work hard for his 2 - 1 victory!

Serious and Fluffy saw an indifferent match. The spectators (Me, Chillo, Skip, Smasher, Ash) were discussing having a tug at work and impressions of professional dart players in a charade style comedy sketch (was absolutely hilarious)! Serious 1 - 0 up and all going to plan until he started to play bad and couldn't block out the background noise (mainly me) and it was soon 1 - 1. In the last leg Serious was even worse and couldn't help chipping into our conversation about 'tossing' at work! Somehow the biggest shock of the night saw Fluffy finally hit a double and make his way into the festival singles! Well done!

I was a little annoyed with Serious' reaction even though I know he's a bad loser! To blame losing the match on me and then saying I've got to play with that 'hunt' in the doubles was a bit harsh! I hope it's just a spur of the moment thing and we'll be on fire come festival doubles night! I can't hold a grudge or get angry like Wally(if you mention Wally getting angry once more Links! I (Wally) will get really, eh! Hmmm, what can I say a-a-a-angry, oh shit! that didn't help much!) so we'll be back kissing on Friday (I hope x)! and I really want those Turkey Crowns buddy!

Trebles
Serious, Linx, PH
Skip, Smasher, Larky

Doubles
Serious & Linx
Fluffy & Ash

Singles
Fluffy
Smasher

Fluffy after the singles trying to hide his excitement and work out where things went right?

Joke Corner

What doesn't play bowls, never gets angry and . . . . . . . Far too easy!(You B******D agin Links)

Two men at airport. First man says "I can't find my wife". Second says "I can't
find mine either, what does yours look like? 1st man says, "She's 6ft tall,
blonde, big tits, long legs, mini skirt, stockings, high heels and a boob tube,
what's yours look like? 2nd man says "F### her, we'll look for yours!

See you all next week lads

Vice Skip

Capt Cob

Linx

(Tosser)

CHAMPIONSHIP BOWLS sponsored by alcohol

2009-11-27T03:25:00.000-08:00

Due to the interest shown in 'Table Bowls' after Darts in recent weeks (leaving me to take Ozzie & Moysies 'free cab' Liar Dice money) .... The Pot Black has decided to hold a CHAMPIONSHIP BOWLS NIGHT!!! With darts performances by both the 'A' & 'B' Team on the slide of late, I can only imagine that post match bowls is to blame. With every player eager to get back to the club to show their prowess on the green baize, the doubles have eluded our darts stars.

All kind of claims have been made, with the usual suspects having dillusions of grandieur i.e Flatty, Lincoln and Harrod, likening themselves to Richard Corsie and David Bryant whereas from the Soberness of the onlooking bar-staff, their smash, crash, wallop approach resembles more of a Richard Hammond look to it.

So this is the chance you Chillo's, Smasher's & Ash's having been waiting for to show them they are all Mouth and no Bias.

The night will have 2 titles on offer... BEST INDOOR TABLE BOWLS DOUBLES OUTFIT...IN THE WORLD!!!!!! & BEST INDOOR DRUNKEN TABLE BOWLS UNIFIED SINGLES CHAMPION...IN THE WORLD!!!!!!

The doubles tournament will be £5 a pair with the singles compo costing each player the same fiver with all entrance fees being paid out in prize money.... although its the Championship bragging rights you all really want...

So it's doubles first followed by the big one... the Singles Championship (we think this will be better after a few beverages)

Who can step up to the plate....

Who can ignore the constant barracking....

Will Gottsy figure out what way they curl in.....

Will Chillo find anyone p*ssed enough to partner him....

Will Linx and Wally get angry.......

Will Bennett shut up for more than 5 minutes.....

Will Nicky Lark get his hair done in time.....

Will Serious take it Seriously.......

Will Flatty actually be the best in the world.....

Be here to find out.....

SATURDAY 16TH JANUARY 7PM START

B-TEAM REPORT

2009-11-26T03:09:00.000-08:00

Hello Potty B fans.

Well it’s a lot easier to be creative when you’re playing well but a bit more difficult when you’re crap.

Two weeks ago and a good away win and an easy blog to write (with a bit of help from Billy and Johnny – they might be back soon!). A week goes by and home game against the Marquis A and it was rather difficult to get inspired.

Barracking from the seats in the circle from Mick Wall-dorf and Dave Stride-ler (come on you remember the two miserable old gits from the muppets), these two had reason to moan as our very own cast of muppets was trying to play darts and failing miserably.

First up was the Legend with Bungle who lost to some good scoring from their opponents. They were followed by me and Hos and we seemed to be in our own private battle to see who got the banjo for the week (to see if we could hit a cows arse with it). Fortunately we woke up and Shawn even managed a superb 107 finish. Moysie and Oz got us to 2-1 up before Shoot em up and Clint went to face the formidable pairing of Mick Wooltorton and Gary Leach. Several darts later and we were 300 ahead as they couldn’t start. Several more darts and our pairing of Gonzo and Kermit had managed to throw away the lead and lose. 2-2 after the doubles still doesn’t sound too bad and Hos got us off to a good start in the singles only just missing his second 100+ finish of the night. I was next and after a good start I must have been bitten by a tsetse fly as I completely went to sleep. After my opponent missed his double I managed to wake up long enough to nab a bull finish and get away with a bit of a mugging. 4-2 up and it was still going OK – cue an England-like middle order collapse. Stridey (couldn’t finish), Clint (pretty poor), Oz (shite), Johnny (struggled) and Bungle (blew it) all lost and that was that. Moysie got a consolation leg at the end but we were pretty gutted as they will admit they didn’t play well either and we see it as points lost.

This week we were away to the marquis b and hoping to get back into the points. Time for a bit of a shake up and some new pairings for the doubles.

Goochy and Oz got us off to a good start followed by the dart-sharing Hos brothers – apparently Shawn threw his darts on the bar last week, missed by a mile and no-one has seen them since! It didn’t seem to matter though as Shawn threw Darren’s darts well, but not as well as Darren and we were 2-0 up. A loss from Moysie and Yiddo before me and Stridey got us to 3-1 up – one of the few times we have been ahead in the pairs all season. Ozzie lost to a good opponent before good games from Johnny, me and Hos took us to 6-2 up. Surely we must win this one we’ve still got Bungle, Clint, Moysie and the Legend to go. Surely? No. between struggling to start, failing to finish and a double one marathon from Goochy that would have graced any ladies match we managed to throw the lead away and stutter to a draw. More points that feel lost. Never mind it’s the A Team next, knowing us we’ll probably go stupid and beat them!

On the subject of the A Team, some followers may have noticed a trend towards bowls on the snooker table after the darts. This started as a little idea for a challenge between me and Billy and rapidly seemed to degenerate. Our initial challenge saw us beating Wally at pairs before the A team boys decided to latch on and take over. Me and Bill were up to the challenge and took on (look at me I’m David Bryant) Serious Fluff and (which way do they roll) Jedward lookalike Gottsy. Bearing in mind that in our previous game we were 7-0 down before we won 21-13, we did not panic when we went 4-0 down. That was until they told us we were playing their rules of first to five! This was the equivalent of sending Geoff Boycott and Marcus Trescothick out for a test match and then telling them after 19 overs that they were playing 20-20! It goes without saying that we were unable to recover but if that’s what it takes to beat us then so be it.

This week, realizing our après-dart entertainment had been nicked I tried to be clever and brushed the cobwebs off my own set of carpet bowls which had never been used since I got them for Christmas years ago. They looked the same but that was where the similarity ended. These things were like those joke golf balls that go where they like. They had so much curl on them they started coming back to you like boomerangs. At one point the game had seen more u-turns than a room full of politicians. Needless to say with no skill in the game, me and Bill lost again. Seems that if we can’t do this properly we should stick to the liar dice!

Will be back soon

Bye all

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-11-25T04:13:00.000-08:00

Well guys, the blog is back and so is losing! After a great win against the queens last week, we let the foot off the gas this week!!! It felt like the atmosphere wasn't right from the start!

Marquis at home, our bogey side and that's why we always fudge up against them!

A win in the doubles from me and PH to start us off was spot on, but when the hairstylist and skip missed 8 darts to put us 2 - 0 up and failed, it seemed to kick start the marquis and we fell to bits!!! We lost the next two doubles and were soon 4 - 1 behind when I lost my second game of the season! Serious next up and OMG, we were now 5 - 1 down and looking in a spot of bother!!! The atmosphere then dropped further and no one seemed interested maybe as Fluffy was the only one we could hear! Lol

Well done to skip and Nicky Lark chalking up wins and one other (can't remember) but 8 - 4 was a right stuffing!!! Please don't miss any more games Bardy and especially Smasher (best player for weeks now)!

Next week is the B team and they've been as sh!t as we have lately so it should be a close one!

Other news

1/ Linx and PH are table bowls champions! Fluffy is still looking for a partner at bowls but still keeps winning easily!

2/ Can we please have a dart board that doesn't reject the darts (me being cobby really) lol

3/ Gottsfreecabs were allowed out this week. How was the 30th birthday golf weekend you organised?

4/ Me and Wally both failed to get angry this week!

5/ Has anyone checked if pot black is free on Saturday to play off our darts matches?

Joke corner

Two men decided to (go chop their heads off) go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"

The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

See you all next week lads!

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

JOKE CORNER

2009-11-20T03:24:00.000-08:00

A-TEAM WRITE UP

2009-11-19T03:51:00.000-08:00

Bit late this week guys! Must be too busy or finding writers block at the moment!!!

The "Power" was out for the evening!!!

Away this week to the Queens Head. We were slightly saddened to here from Bardy at short notice that he was working late and couldn't make it to darts. With Serious already missing this week and no Bardy meant we needed to find a replacement! Gottsfreecabs and Fluff Senior were both playing "NIGHT GOLF". We then tried Hidesy as we thought he had a chance of competing a leg of darts but finally it came down to the ever dependable darting superstar "Graham Shallots"!

With the weakened team we calculated that we'd need 7 legs from 9 to get a result at the Queens Head! On arrival the lads all commented that the throw was the longest in the league and after a few practice darts even the pub home boy "Fluffy" said it seems long!

The draw was done and a clenched fist from skip meant that Shallots was playing Neil "Windmill" Niblett in the singles and Bash was up against Krissy Baggott! Not the worst draw in the world for us, but Windmill was bound to get a hard time from all of us when he was playing!

Well the doubles went as we had predicted and it was a must if we wanted to get the result we wanted. Shallots and Bash were the only losers in the doubles and they really should have taken the leg with both teams struggling to find any form and wasting lots of darts at the winning double!

3 - 1 up and on with the singles! We were all hoping that Nicky Lark would show up this week and start winning matches again! The order of play is always a struggle for me but I do remember the Windmill and Shallots were on very early! The atmosphere was great for this leg as we cheered our boy on and heckled his opponent! When I say heckled, I don't mean like watching a TED HANKEY match on ITV4, more of a quite whisper to Shallots saying "One to win"!!! It was several missed darts at a double later from Windmill which gave Shallots his chance to win the leg!?! Unfortunately the attempts were questionable and the Windmill held his nerves to take the leg and a massive relief was written all over his face! Hard luck Chillo, but thanks for turning up buddy!

With Kris beating Bash the score went to 4 - 3 and we need to kick on! We did just that and only dropped one more leg on our way to an 8 - 4 victory! The other loser must have been Nicky Lark as he cannot buy a game lately and I remember PH beating Smarts!

Well done boys at the halfway stage!

Other News

1/ GOTTSFREECABS TURNED UP FOR AN AFTER GOLF GET TOGETHER
2/ Me and PH (mainly PH) are brilliant at table bowls
3/ Fluffy was unstoppable at table bowls as he literally tore apart Quiff and Bungle on his own! I don't think you could have picked a worse partner than Gottsfreecabs, although Bungles mate Paul and Smasher are equally shocking at the game!
4/ Boss man and his staff almost faint at Flames when the awesome foursome are reunited later that evening for a kebab bonanza!
5/ Gottsfreecabs takes the Carlton boys home this week but refuses to give PH a lift home! Lol, where did you stay that evening PH?

Joke Corner

Now this is an old one but always a giggle!!!

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..
' Same for me,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'

HELLO POT BLACK 'B'

2009-11-11T13:24:00.000-08:00

Hello Johnny
Hello billy
What have you been doing this week Johnny
I’ve been to the hairdressers billy
Were they closed?
Ha-ha very funny. Actually I was in a hurry and went in and said I needed my hair cut badly – and they cut it the same as yours!
Thats not very nice Johnny. Besides I bet you haven’t got the same long tufty bit on the top that I have.
Yes I have billy look.
Ooh that’s good we have exactly the same hair. We know a song about that don’t we!
Shall we play darts tonight Johnny, all our lovely friends are going to a pub.
That sounds fun lets go with them where are they going?
To the oak tavern Johnny, lets see how they get on.
This is good Johnny I have been given two games by that nice captain quiff.
So have I billy he really is quite a nice bloke for a fat git. Who’s on first?
I am Johnny, I’m playing with that short sighted bloke” Oz” who they call Mr magoo.
We know what makes you short sighted don’t we billy. Remember children, its not there for you to play with!
How did you get on billy.
We won and I played well as I scored a one hundred and forty and finished the game quickly.
Thats good billy who was next?
Next were my favourite players SHOOT ‘EM’ UP and CLINT, I love cowboys.
So do I billy but that second one has a funny name.
Look closer Johnny you short sighted idiot, its actually an L followed by an I.
Oh sorry billy, my eyes have been playing up lately. Remember children, its not there for you to play with.
We know a song about that don’t we.
“my ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling, I want you to play with.........”
Thats enough of that for now Billy, lets get back to the darts. What happened next?
Unfortunately the cowboys got shot down so we lost.
I’m on next billy I’m playing with a Yid
We’ve warned you about that, think of your eyesight. Anyway what’s a Yid?
It’s a person who supports Tott-en-ham Hotspur billy because they are Jewish.
Isn’t that racist Johnny?
Yes sorry Billy. Remember children, you must always be politically correct and not say anything nasty about people, unless of course they support Norwich City, which doesn’t count.
We know a song about that don’t we
“she’s a wh...”
Thats enough of that Johnny how did the darts go?
I’m afraid we weren’t very good and we lost but that nice captain quiff and hos were on next.
How did they get on?
They lost as well Billy. What a pair of whingers! They didn’t stop moaning all game and Shawn tried to pick a fight with a curtain?
We have a name for that don’t we
TWWAAAAT!(said with hand leaving forehead)
I was first in the singles Johnny and I won because I’m good. But I was a little bit concerned that I might be getting Dartitis.
Wasn’t he one of the Three Musketeers Billy?
No apparently it happens to good darts players and they cannot let go of the darts. At one point I stuck the end of the dart in my finger.
Did you feel a prick?
Well I did feel slightly silly Johnny. What happened next in the darts ?
Clint and Magoo and Shoot-em-up all won and we were doing well, then it was my turn.
How did you get on Johnny?
I played really well and won as well. I even finished really quickly.
Well done Johnny what happened next.
Hos played next and won but Moysie lost before that nice captain quiff went on last and won as well.
That sounds good Johnny, so we won.
Yes billy its the first win away from home all season.
We know a song about that don’t we
“Jingle bells, jingle bells, and jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to see the Pot Black win away!”
I think that’s all we have time for now, good night billy
Goodnight Johnny
Goodnight everyone! Goodnight.

Pot Black Productions brought this episode to you.

The Cast

Billy Bungle ,

Johnny Das Hos,
The cowboys Shoot em up and Clint
Short sighted bloke Oz
Fat bloke whinging about the oche and the chalker Quiff
Fat bloke whinging about the throw, the curtains, the pub and well everything Hos
Bloke who couldn’t hit a cows arse with a banjo Yid
Bloke who wouldn’t have hit a finishing double if he’d stayed till Christmas Moysie
Bloke who was ill and didn’t make it URDU (don’t try using predictive text if typing TREV)
Bloke who wasn’t playing, then was, then didn’t …………Wally

A-TEAM WRITE UP

2009-11-10T12:45:00.000-08:00

"Well hello Mr Lincoln!"

Another week soon flys by and I need to get back to the blog write up! Thought I should get this one in early so Ready has time to get the thing on in time this week! (thanx mate)

A bit of fun first! Thought we'd start off with a best in show! Can you please vote for your favourite HUD out of three following pictures!

[email us at potblack147@hotmail.co.uk ]

Back to the darts and we were at home to Ex Serv D!

No Gottsfreecabs again this week, SHOCK! But the rest of the team all turned up this week. Skip was unusually driving this week and even more unbelievably, so was Fluffy! With Serious back this week, Nicky Lark losing two on the trot and Ash having recorded his first win last week (well remembered) it seemed a tough decision to make for the team. Skip found it much easier than I did as he dropped himself from the singles to give everyone a game, Legend!

With all the players nervous of a possible Chesney this week, the nerves were eased when we lost the opening doubles!!! Well rather than boring you with the rest of the details, we cleaned up the rest of the doubles and stormed a 7 - 1 victory in the singles to finish the match 10 - 2. Ash unfortunately back losing again, but thankfully the opening pair (Smasher & Fluffy ?) lost so he didn't have to be shown up with a song dedicated to him!!!

Noticeable performances were from Smasher and Linx! Smasher saved all his good darts for his singles game with 152 away, 140, T20 next dart meaning he'd scored 352 in 7 darts and we thought something special could happen! next two darts were 1 and 5! With 143 left on the board we were still hopeful of a 12 dart leg, unfortunately, Smasher could only manage yet another high score to leave D12 next throw. A 13 dart leg would equal the best in the league but, it just wasn't to be! Only a 15 dart leg then! Well done buddy! My leg was far less appealing, with D11 last dart and 45 next throw it needed livening up! 140, 140, 98 and 56 in two seemed to do the trick!

We started the match late this week with the first match about 20:45. We actually finished at 21:40 and had to get the food hurried up! That must be a record in itself! The next record was that by 21:55 there were only two of the A team left (up the bar) and three of their team (using the dart board)!!!!

Other News

1/ Records tumbling as A team set fastest match time ever (probably not true)!
2/ 7 people left at the Pot Black by 22:00 and that included 3 non members and 2 bar staff!
3/ Bungle comes up with a new favourite phrase "EASY TIGER" after watching more Lee Evans during the week!
4/ Wally gets cob on at table bowls which escalades in to a bitchy banter up the bar later! Must have been his partner!!!
5/ Yes, Linx did finally get angry!!!! Lol!
6/ PH says how much more enjoyable the night was once Fluffy had left! (I just made that up to wind him up)
7/ No one wins at Liar dice :o(

Joke Corner

CLICK HERE
http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf

See you all next week boys!

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

A-TEAM WRITE UP

2009-11-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

The blog is back again! I really hope some one can take over next year!!!

Away to Lake Lothing this week, Liquid's new team! Renowned for the draw specialists this year, which was not suprising after seeing Peter 'Snakebite' Wright paired with Liquids in the doubles!

They were the first pair on and won in fine style with 3 high scores and a mile ahead of our boys on first!

Next three went our way to lead in the doubles 3 - 1. We all looked impressed with PH in practice but when his first dart in the doubles hits a small 18 you just have to laugh!

Singles next and we knew the draw could be unkind to me going for most wins with Peter playing, so I payed special attention when they were drawn out! Peter was drawn out 5th so anywhere but 5th would be fine! Maybe Liquids if I was really lucky, lol!

1st - No
2nd - No

3rd - No

4th - No

5th - F###! Well that's just great!

After finally getting through the first 4 matches which was mainly down to F F F F Fluffy's slow play we had the big one!

At least I had the start!!! Didn't get away, and I was hit with a 120 from Peter! Got away next throw and followed up with 100, 100 which made the leg a little more respectable! Peter pulled further away with 121 before hitting a big 9 (cockey) to leave 170 with me in the mid 200's! No 170 finish gave me a chance to hit 97 to leave 76! Peter had one dart for an 18 dart leg, so all I needed to do was throw two straight ones and take out the double!!! Just a dart barrell width away from tops gave Peter 3 at his favourite double top!

Unbelievably his first dart missed by an inch! His second was snatched very quickly and went higher stil! (please miss, please miss) Peter made a joke as he moved across the oche. His concentration was immense and it seemed ages for the dart to hit the board! He misses!!!!

The team erupted with noise willing me to hit the double! It was hard to explain the feeling of hope, anticipation and not wanting to let your team down, roaring like a pack of lions behind me! Toe to the oche, dart in the hand, a deep long hard look at double 10 and let go. . . . . .

BINGO!!!! Or as PH and Bungle would say OMG!

That's enough pages of blowing my own trumpet! Bad luck to Bardy for losing to liquids and ED for getting caught having his hair cut a L A CHICK!

Final score 3 - 9

Guess who?

Now this picture is quite a gem! If you thought this guy was funny to look at before the make over, well this next picture is a SCREAM! Every time I looked at him on Saturday I couldn't help but chuckle! One clue I'll give you is never get in a car with him if he's driving! Just ask my wife, his brother or his brother's wife!!!

Other news

1. Harrod fails in his attempts to wow his team mates at charades!

2. Linx does a fantastic hurdle impression on his way to a clean sweep at charades!

3. Two games of liar dice and two victories for the legend Linx

4. No one has a clue who is playing in the chairmans cup on Thursday?

5. Peter Wright wins worst hair cut in the festival league with multi coloured mullet extensions!

Joke corner

1. Why are women like condoms?They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick

2. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?They're trying to get away from the noise.

3. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink

Linx

Vice Skip

Capt Cob

Ready's Bit

I feel I have to mention something which I was sure would have at least popped up in Other News, but unfortunately with Linx's rather blinkered view of the match, it did not.

ASH WON HIS FIRST SINGLES MATCH!!!!!!!

Well done mate..... Welcome to the 'A' Team!

B-TEAM REPORT

2009-11-01T11:04:00.000-08:00

Hi Guys

Its been a funny couple of weeks and a bit hard to get enthusiastic about what to write, basically because we have been, well, shit really. An away game at the ole frank and, well, we were away so we lost. 11-1 was just embarrassing though with not much to shout about. Pauly Tyler worth a mention as he played a really good game that would probably have got him a win on any other night. Highlight of the night was probably goochy turning up in a LEGEND t-shirt.

This week we were back at home to the queens head and hoping to keep our home form going starting off with bungle and goochy (still wearing the legend t shirt but this week wearing it over the top of what appeared to be a white kaftan). The good news is they played really well once they got away, the bad news is they didn’t start for 18 darts – 1 down. Next up were magoo and yid who started well, then got worse, then went to complete shite then couldn’t finish. 2 down. Me and hos steadied the boat before stridey and clint played ok but lost to leave us 3-1 down.

To the singles and ozzie took advantage of his opponents slow start before the legend and bungle both lost to leave us struggling at 5-3 down and really not playing very well at all. Clint got one back with a good 70 finish then Stavros got another after a bit of a marathon finishing game. This left us at 5-4 down needing shoot em up, hos and me to win to get us a win. Unfortunately dave came up against nibby in good form and all hope we had of scraping a draw disappeared when shawns opponent hit a double twenty with just about every other dart he threw! I managed to grab the last game but we had lost 7-5 and waved goodbye to our unbeaten home record.

All we can hope now is that we play a hell of a lot better and end our non-winning away run next week, although the jury is still out as to where we are playing. We know we have the Stanford but they are not playing there and we think we have narrowed it down to either the hearts of oak or the oak tavern,

Either way we need some inspiration – maybe we should consider the yellow and green team shirts again if we lose! Maybe just one for the duffer of the week to wear, that should get them worried.

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM WRITE UP

2009-10-29T05:01:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to yet another blog!

With a couple of weeks on the trot for Gotts we thought he was a regular from now on! Not this week guys, the mighty relationship THUMB was well and truely down on the forehead this week! I even found out she looks after his mobile phone in her handbag, so we don't even get texts from him anymore!

This week saw the ever improving Pot Black A side taking on the KWMC!
They only had 7 players so skip took the correct action of course? That's what I thought, surely PH was on last! No, Skip took the win himself!

Well after the doubles we had a 3 - 1 lead with Ed and Skip the only losers! Maybe it was Ed's new hair style?????

Singles sorted 7 - 1 so the final score was 10 - 2

Loser in the hair cut competition was the loser in the singles! How many darts did you want to go for a double Ed?

Notable performances from PH and Smasher! Yes that's right, PH! He played really solid darts all night and Smasher hit two high scores and maybe an 18 dart leg to stuff his opponent!

I drew David Cable in the singles for the leagues second most winners to do battle! I played fairly tidy with a ton and 135 but David was poo! You can see that he'll be in trouble the next few weeks as the KWMC have the top 6 sides from last year to play!

Other news

1/ Linx dominates at liar dice but doesn't win a game!
2/ Skip wins maiden game of liar dice!
3/ PH still owes Ready £10 from me stufffing him at golf!
4/ Fluff gets taxi with me and Skip!!! As no taxis were about he risked a KFC! Yep, you guessed it, me and Skip got our own taxi as Fluff was still queuing up!!!
5/ and finally, PH named laziest b#####d in lowestoft when I found out his new astra is an automatic!!!

News Flash

The famous hair stylist Nicky Clarke!

Little did we know that he had a long lost brother who changed his identity (name and hair colour)! The truth unraveled last Saturday when Skips wife Gemma was getting her hair done at the hair salon, L A Chic (surley a woman only salon) she noticed a familiar face??? Trying so hard not to laugh out loud she couldn't wait to get home and spill the beans! "Skip, you'll never guess who I saw in the salon today"? "What, that really femanine salon you go to only for woman"? "yeah, L A Chick"

A long time past and 50 womens names were mentioned but finally Skip had to give up! "Ok, who was it then"?
It was . . . . .

Joke corner

This is an old one but always makes me chuckle!

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.

'I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying,

'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.

'I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

See you all next week

Linx
Vice Skip
Capt Cob

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-10-22T04:09:00.000-07:00

Hearts D away

Team won 9 - 3

I lost to a 120 finish from Wayne Weavers!

Other news

1/ harrod gets a lesson from Linx at golf on Saturday!

2/ three way tie for most drunk on Saturday! You can guess?

3/ harrod eats Mayo, butter, and cheese sauce on it's own and washes it down with vinegar (might help no. 2)!!!

4) greg burgess had us in stitches on Saturday night! He's hilarious! You're in, you're in, you're in son!

5) best dart ever on Saturday! Harrod on 56 going for a 16 . . . . Bang, T19!

Joke corner

Chinese disease

While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does notuse a condom all the time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes onemorning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orderssome tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,"I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's veryrare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shotor something and fix me up, Doc.'

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We'regoing to have to amputate your penis."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."

The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penisand proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that butwhat can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!"

"Oh, Thank God!" the man replies. "Yes," says the Chinese doctor,

"wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"

Linx

Capt cob

Vice skip

B-TEAM REPORT

2009-10-22T03:56:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys

Lots to write about this week due to the fact that I didn’t write anything last week following our away trip to the football club.

As we all know we have been about as comfortable away from home as Marcus Trescothick on tour, with no points whatsoever from all our games away from the Potty this season. We were hoping this might change at the football club but knew it would be a tight game after two draws last year.

We didn’t get off to the best of starts with shoot em up and clint losing despite playing a steady game. They were followed by eagle eyes and magoo who couldn’t start, got let off, caught up then couldn’t finish. 2-0 down. Bungle and the big toe then steadied the ship with a good game but we were soon 2 behind again after hos and me lost a hard battle against neil and percy. Three of us played really well (didn’t we shaun).

Moysie got us back to one behind before Stridey lost to leave us 4-2 down. I managed to take advantage of Martins slow start which was just as well as a 180 after he got away had him breathing down my neck and then Billy won probably the best match of the night to get us back level. Clint then lost because he couldn’t start and he was followed by Hos who played really well until he hit a 11 instead of double 8 and then spent the next half an hour trying in vain to hit a single 3! If the week before was anything to go by we need a loud drunk to wind him up to get the best out of him (maybe we could borrow Fluffy). Oz and goochy were last two on and both played well to win. Guess what? Another draw with the football club and our first away point of the season.

So to this week and the visit of ex servs d. A tame opener with shoot em up and clint firing pop-guns but thy got us under way before moysie and oz lost to a 104 finish. Me and hos were next and, in our usual style, after I played well last week I was garbage and Shaun played superb taking out 72 to get us ahead again. A steady game from Billy playing with “got new darts” Stavros, who hit a 132 and we had a healthy 3-1 lead after the pairs.

I was first up in the singles and looked like I actually knew how to play the game, followed by Hos with a win for a 5-1 lead. Ozzie was next up but complained he was having problems with his ring (suggestions on a postcard please to the usual address). It obviously affected him as he lost but in true magnanimous Chelsea fashion had a word for his opponent. Actually he had three words “he was shite”. Obviously not that shite as he won! We then had clint and shoot em up back with their full ammo, Paul with an excellent 117 finish.

Having got the 7 for the win, Darren was next but lost to a 78 finish. Moysie then got us to 8 although someone commented that he made a meal of it. This was a bit unfair – it wasn’t so much a meal as a banquet but it was still a good win.

Bungle was last on and got down to the double. He missed with his first 3 (hand goes to back of head). Then missed again (hand moves to forehead) then missed again (hand vibrates and is moved sharply downwards) TWWWWAAAAAATTTTT! Lost.

A good 8-4 home win and another toughie next week against old frank away.

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-10-15T03:35:00.000-07:00

These blogs do take up quite a bit of time you know guys! I hope you appreciate it?

Well I hope that useless git 'Smasher' appreciates it as he cannot be bothered to collect the subs each week which would only take up a couple of minutes of his time!

Enough moaning! Well for now anyway! What do you expect after all, my name is Capt Cob!

I was going to do a guess who this week but, it would be too easy now as he's turned up to two games on the spin (OMG as Bungle would say)!

(Gotts tensing to look as toned as me)

After a late text from Gottsfreecabs offering a lift as he'd decided to come to darts after his wife had kicked him out for the evening we got to the PB nice and early!

At home this week (Yippee) to the Ex Servicemens 'B'

No Uncle Tony* this week for the away side and us being strengthened by the inclusion of DG meant a potential Chesney could be on the cards! That was until our first two doubles lost and we were 0 - 2 down. Skip must have been kicking himself for leaving himself out of the singles this week!!!

2 - 2 and back on track, thanks to the lads that could actually throw a dart unlike the first four we had on (Me, HUD, Fluff, Smasher)!

The legs soon racked up for us looking to secure all the singles matches! DG was 100% so far in all matches this year so he was keen to continue his good form! Unfortunately it wasn't to be this week as he recorded his first loss of the season! He even tried to intimidate his opponent during the leg by switching throwing arms half way through! So Arrogant, LOL!

The result ended 9 - 3 and next weeks match is against the Hearts 'D' away! We'll meet you there I guess Bardy?

Other News

1/ Liar dice legend this week was me! Fluff even commented at times that I was unplayable and started to finally get the idea on how to play the game properly!
2/ Fluff captured on camera calling a taxi after losing at liar dice!

3/ HUD losses his rag when he loses a life at liar dice because he spent 5 minutes in the toilet (he also went there just before it was his turn and not just after)!

4/ Tyler (room stealer) gets huge pat on the back for taking subs from the 'A' team players as Smasher is too lazy to do it!
5/ Skip was out drinking again for the first time this season, get in there my son! Remember this . . .

Joke Corner

1/ How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave!

2/ As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

3/ A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fcuk your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

See you all next week guys
Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

* He isn't any relation to me that I know of!

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-10-08T03:46:00.000-07:00

OMG!

The weeks just go so quickly It's hard to keep up with the blog these days! Maybe it had something to do with Bungle taking my eye out on Friday night and not being able to see out of it until Tuesday!

Before we managed to leave the Pot Black there was just enough time to see a family face. . . . . Liquids was in town and of course the TV legend Peter Wright was too! Peter seems to bump into us each week later, but that's not surprising how big we all are! Stayed to see him throw only 3 darts and yep, 180! Lets hope you have some better results on TV soon Pete!

Away this week to the Marquis 'B'

No Skip this week so I had to double check with the lads that we had enough players during the week! Ash was struggling and Tw@t was away all week so I need someone I could guarantee to be there and shockingly the legend DG was available! Lets hope you can be there every week mate, then maybe Tw@t wont have to play in future!

Well the first thing to concentrate on when Skip leaves me in charge is to not fcuk up the book! Secondly it's sorting out the pairs and finally see if there is anyway of not playing Twat in the singles, LOL!

I didn't make a mistake in the book this week but it does look a bit messy! It's only messy as I was trying to give Skip a full match report on proceedings and ran out of room in places, Sorry!

Pairs

Well putting two great double starters together might have been a mistake as we struggled to shine in the first pairing and went behind! We soon regained control in the next pairing and never looked back from there! Not a great game from me with Tw@t this week especially as we recorded all of his scores this week so he couldn't pretend to anyone that he played better than he did! Serious worked it out that he out scored me in the leg, $hit! At least I got us away!

1 - 0 Snatch-u-ral and Bardy
1 - 1 Serious and Gottsfreecabs
1 - 2 Linx and Tw@t
1 - 3 Smasher and Fluff

Singles

The momentum continued through the singles. Very decent performances from Smasher and Snatch-u-ral and indeed Serious on the cokes! Best moment on the night was certainly not the pinch of my bottom by what Tw@t described as a look-alike to Gollum from Lord of the Rings with extra makeup, but the famous call from a dart player "Is that in"? Fluffy was the player at the oche sitting on 75. First dart went in T17 but the second dart hit the wire of T12!!!! Fluffy sarcastically asked "Is that in", only to find Lou Littler come right across the oche to check and confirm, "NO! that's not in"! Fluffy had to leave the the oche for a minute to compose himself and wait for the enormous laughter to die down! What a magical moment!

Bardy had an awkward result of first doubles, last singles which didn't help him as you can see below!

1 - 4 Linx
1 - 5 Smasher 101, 108, 135
1 - 6 Fluffy
1 - 7 DG
1 - 8 Serious
1 - 9 Snatch-u-ral 121, 140
1 - 10 Tw@t 109 finish
2 - 10 Bardy

Well done lads. Keep the winning going so we can finish above the Hearts!

Other news

1/ On returning to the Pot Black it was an awful atmosphere and almost a bundle with a drunk from the Lake Lothing!!!
2/ Liar dice is the most unfair game in the world!
3/ Audley Harrison won something for the first time since winning an Olympic medal!
4/ Peter Wright does actually drink snakebite!
5/ Liquids had been using the same hairdresser as Peter, but somehow it looked less appealing, lol!

Ever wondered what it would be like to dress up for your wife for a little roll play? Well I'm sure this didn't do the trick for one beautiful lady I know. . . . . . . . .

Purvey Potter

Clever Corner

Watch this, OMG! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=518XP8prwZo:

See you next week lads

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

B-TEAM REPORT

2009-10-08T03:32:00.000-07:00

BENNY ABRAMOVICH'S MONEY NOT ENOUGH TO DEFEAT THE POT BLACK

Hi Guys

After missing the trip to the home guard last week I was looking forward to getting back into it at home this week. Thanks to Wally for looking after the blog last week (did anyone else get the feeling he wanted to play doubles?) and Ozzie for taking over the team and nearly getting us a point (maybe he should have put Wally in the doubles).

Despite the online implications that certain players (me, hos, Stavros) had deliberately avoided playing the Home Guard (by one of our players who had feigned an in-growing toe-nail or something this week, get well soon Wally) we were back this week to play the leagues big spenders in Benny Abramovich’s Lake Lothing. Rumours and speculation have been rife with reports of players being paid to play for them and lots of sponsorship money flying about but one of these is Kelvin so surely it can’t be true! Mind you, we can do our own sponsorship money, me on a sponsored slim, Darren on a sponsored smile and Billy on a sponsored silence (not much money to be gained there then!)

First things first and we did the draw. WARNING No 1. Kelvin said “Oh God he’s on 7th and he’s already as pissed as a fart”.

So to the match and we were soon one down after The Big Toe and Bungle were always behind after struggling to get away. Hos and Clint levelled it after their opponents failed to start and we were ready for game three.

WARNING No 2. Stridey, Yid and Peter Wright were ready to play but there other player had gone awol (he’s on 7th and he’s pissed already). After trying to locate him we agreed to play the fourth game first. Up stepped Eagle Eyes and Magoo but after being ahead all game couldn’t finish between them and we were 2-1 behind. The wandering away player then re-appeared. WARNING No 3 as he made a casual comment about having to come back as there was a fight in half an hour. Despite this he managed with Peter to beat Dave and Steve to leave us 3-1 down.

First singles was Stridey taking on Peter Wright and Dave played really well to give himself a chance but Peter hit his double to get them another win. Trev then held out for a win for us despite trying to make hard work of it in the end before Billy lost to an in-form Kelvin who hit 2 140’s and fully justified his transfer fee of two pies and a bag of crisps.

WARNING No 4. You know how to get Hos to play his best – wind him up! Mr on 7th and already more pissed than Paul Gallagher in the Hearts of Oak decided to get a bit mouthy while Shawn was playing. Shawn got angry, turned green, ripped his shirt and played out of his skin, whitewashing his opponent with a bull finish. I was on next and despite feeling completely in control, he suddenly came from nowhere to pounce after I missed double top and we were 6-3 down. Clint then played very well to get us back to 6-4 and while this was going on WARNING No 5 Mr on 7th had fallen asleep in his chair. He was woken up to face Moysie and clearly struggling as Moysie was comfortably ahead. Steve, however, decided to have another one of those games where he couldn’t finish (albeit distracted by some drunken antics and mucking about) and let his opponent catch up and get down to a double. FLASHPOINT. After missing double 16 and appearing to hit 16 then double 16, Stridey (without the assistance of a caller) chalked up 16 without realising that the second dart was not in. Mr cant hold his drink then strode over to Dave and started having a go as he thought Dave was being funny, Kelvin had to come over and calm him down to avoid things getting nasty and the evening went a bit sour. Moysie held his nerve and took out the double before being accused of not offering to shake hands – more unpleasantness. After all this Oz still had to play last and he did well to get us a battling draw.

It was a shame that several of our team were upset on the night as it was a good match and the rest of their guys were great fun. At least we are still unbeaten at home now we need to try and get something away next week at the football club.

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-10-02T04:00:00.000-07:00

Well guys! Another week gone in the season and finally we get a team with only 7 players! Just as well when you have Paul in the team!!!

At home this week to the Stanford Arms 'A'

Doubles

Seemed a nice start with Serious and Bash on first but the chesney hawkes song was soon wiped out when we went 0 - 1 behind! Serious just can't find a winning partner in the doubles lately!

Next three all got the job done, including Tw@t who seems to be my partner ever week! He didn't even bring his darts this week coz he's playing so well!!! How arrogant!

Well, to tell you the truth he had a nose bleed before he left the house

and was in such a muddle he forgot his darts! Later that evening Ready asked if he could remember to take his darts home with him this week? "That's odd" said Tw@t "I never brought them this week" "I know" replied Ready "you left the fcukers here last week. Didn't you use them tonight? They're still in the trophy above the bar" Well done Tw@t!

Singles

Not much that grabbed my eye this week!

1/ Serious missed back to back 180's thanks to a bounce out!

2/ Fluff loses out again this week, but complains as Tw@t was awful and managed to win in 50+ darts!

3/ Smasher loses again and it's not the H2O!

4/ linx misses 15 dart leg, out in 20

5/ Skip wins again! On last this week as well (don't forget what I said earlier)

Final score 9 - 3

Other News

1/ liar dice legend shows his class without losing a life!"I'm the best inthe world"

2/ Wally doesn't get angry!

3/ Bungle wins jackpot on £3 stake, and treats the 'A' team to a vodka each due to the lack of 'B' team players there!

4/ Pot Black record lowest attendance after 22:00 with approx 9 people (incl 2 staff)

5/ Fluff and Linx finally pay up £39 each for entry in the cider cup!

Other Other News

When I told you the other week about fluffy losing the front door key in a taxi you'd think he couldn't get any worse!!! This week was the best ever . . . . . Just got kicked out of the pot black for closing up and were waiting for taxis! Suddenly we realise Fluff is missing, SHOCK! Where the fcuk is he now? He's over the road at the Kentucky drive through window trying to order some food! When they get to him they tell him that he's pushed in front of a car and needs to join the back of the queue. After two more cars they get to Fluff and slam the window on him and tell him they're closed! I think he got an injury in the process as well!

Joke corner

See you all next week lads

Linx

Capt Cob

Vice Skip

The Exodus :- Home Guard away 24 oct 2009

2009-10-01T05:45:00.000-07:00

How far will dart players go to miss the best team in the league and having to leave it to reserves to come in and face the music?........ Well, How about brothers large & larger going all the way to Scotland just to gatecrash a perfect strangers wedding!......... Or even Captain Quiff "havin to go to London" on that particular day just to preserve his most win stats!!....The Question is will they be back to play the BOTTOM of the league side on Friday!... Only time will tell!
On to the darts. The first doubles started off brilliantly with Moysey getting away first dart and the home guard giving us a start of 15 to give us a 250 point start. Our boys didn't score heavy and they started to peg it back so when we were just about to get a shot at the double Honeyman hit 177 to leave Kelly 40 which he got first Dart! What a gutter!
The next two doubles were one-sided with the home guard not giving us a chance. 0-3
On next were our teams whipping boys of "off-form" Oz and " I've sold my house and I'm not absolutely pissed this week" Pauly Gallagher. What can we say, the home Guard couldn't take it serious, Oz scored well and gally got the double first dart! OH! MY GOD! 1-3....
(By the way we were so short this week and I still got dropped from the doubles! Cheers Oz)
On to the singles. Pauly Tyler made up for his inept display in the doubles to beat Karl Bryant quite easily. Pauly " I'm so happy I let my luv of my life's 12 yr old son beat me at darts every night" Gallagher saw the home guards first double one Marathon with Paul Gardiner and twenty minutes later got another win for the boys! (How do he do it). Billy Whispering Bennett (because that's what he was doing to his opponent Andy Whitehead, before,during and after the game) played well....... but strangely Andy played like a complete TWAT! (hand leaving the forehead) and got another win for the lads! It was well worth a pint Billy and you know how tight that northerner Andy is!
Our last win was Stevie Moyse who got the only legitimate win of the night in a good match with Nigel Knights when good darts were thrown and some how not "given" to us! The losers in the singles were Goochy, mainly because he was concentrating NOT to wipe his nose after throwing his last dart that it put him off his game. Stridey who's opponent didn't give him a chance, Oz who didn't play too badly even though HE DID DROP ME FROM THE DOUBLES and ME who gave 15 darts start to Tasker and couldn't pull it back! (I think I was still traumatised about BEING DROPPED FROM THE DOUBLES!!!)
Anyway the PB B Reserves done the club proud with a slim 5-7 away defeat but never fear the regulars will be back this Friday to get a another win on the board. (That is if we ain't playing a top 3 side!)

Wish you luck
Wally
(Who unbelievably got dropped from the doubles!!!!!!))

A-TEAM WRITE UP

2009-09-25T04:12:00.000-07:00

Another week goes by and another top 8 side in the first 7 matches! Cheers Dave!

Good news was heard by all this week! No it wasn't that Bardy couldn't make it (as his form was suspect of late)! It was Gottsfreecabs night again! This week it actually was Gottsfreecabs night! Again, for those that missed the picture last week I've added a more up to date photo for you to remember who we're talking about!

Don't ask me what he's doing holding a set of darts? It's for the cameras really and setting the scene!!!

Ole Frank away this week and we knew it would be another tough match, especially as TW@T was still playing for us this week!

Doubles

Well first up was TW@T relying on my strong (fat) shoulders as usual. Another high start from me made me smile. Not from a journal point of view, just because I could handle TW@T throwing second and hitting the a treble first dart, the tyre with the second and getting us away with a double on his last!!!

It was a tidy leg from us both (mainly me) and a lead away from home 0 - 1

Next was our famous two who reached the final last year, Skip and Snatch-u-ral! They had a tough match against Gary Bull and Paul Hunter. Bully was superb in the leg with a 112st, 180 and a 100 to leave us well behind and drawing the match level 1 - 1

Smasher and Fluff next up and again, a tough match against Wilson and Eddy. Me and skip debated who should start this leg as fluffy in my opinion is a reliable st-t-t-t-tarter! Skip went with Smasher and he went 152 away (that's why he is captain)! Kept our noses in front through the leg and edged it to take the lead again 1 - 2.

Serious and Gottsfreecabs (debut) next up and . . . . . 1 - 3 OMG! PS - Serious hit a 140 and he'll kill me if I don't mention it!

Singles

G Bull vs Fluffy. Not sure whether the pressure of the match was a factor or the amount of alcohol consumed was? It was a slightly less impressive performance than last weeks 16 dart leg and our second leg lost of the night 2 - 3.

Rubber Lips vs Skip. Skip was not really in the leg at all and was relying on some missed doubles towards the end of the leg to make the leg look closer! Many missed darts later and Skip stole the leg, with a very jubilant "Happy Birthday" was yelled out by the Pot Black boys 2 - 4!

Eddy vs Gottsfreecabs. With a victory already in the doubles we were just glad he could make it this week so we didn't have to play Chillo!!! With some handy darts thrown during the leg and a little luck on the way Gottsfreecabs produced another leg for us 2 - 5

B Bull vs Snatch-u-ral. The match was going our way so far, but we tried to hide our excitment and push on for the 6th and 7th legs! Can't remember too many fireworks in the leg but I know we liked the scoreline afterwards 2 - 6

The 6th leg in the bag and 4 more singles to get it from. . . . . .

G Cooper vs TW@T. Simply awful! 3 - 6

D Barkes vs Serious. OUCH! 4 - 6

S Wilson vs Smasher. DOH! 5 - 6

and finally. . . . .

Y Ergus vs Me. Cheers

If starting is my strong point then I'd hate to see me weak points as it took me 6 to get away (unnheard of)! Steady scoring with a 100 and 96 + a million 60's saw me take the lead in the leg. Sitting on 160 with my opponent to throw on 204 felt comfortable until T20, T20, S20 left him on 64. Another 100 to leave 60 was all I could manage before he had his chance! One dart I think at D16 (hit a single 8) meant it was now or never for me! But not before Fluffy had a few words with someone standing next to the oche helping him count and ready to be in my eyeline!!! Fluff had him moved away and so we continue, S20, wire of D20 and wire D10 meant "NEVER"! Absolutely dejected I could only wish for him to miss! I think D12 was his least favourite double as he failed to get closer than his first dart thrown. Here we go. . . . BOOM! 2nd dart in D10! And a bloody big sigh of reliEf I can tell you!

5 - 7

Well done you little beauties!

Other news

1/ Vinny makes an appearence with the boys and plays horrifically at liar dice!
2/ Chillo wins Liar Dice!
3/ Vinny get the shots in and Fluff has it coming out of his nose!
4/ Ricky finally buys a round
5/ I brought some money with me this week!
6/ Flames has it's first visit of the season courtesy of the extremely hungry Gottsfreecabs.
7/ Dart players love to eat at Flames, don't they Peter Wright?

Joke Corner

Did you hear about the new blonde paint?It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy

Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?More leg-room!

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board

See you all soon guys!

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

B-TEAM REPORT

2009-09-21T03:48:00.000-07:00

ON FORM STAVROS

Hi Guys

Its been a couple of weeks primarily because last weeks game was so sad I really couldn’t think of words to describe it. Away to the hearts of oak we didn’t really play that bad but they were hitting every double 1st dart and we lost the doubles 4-0 despite the efforts of Odd Job who was as relaxed as a newt before we even started. Still he had good reason to celebrate so we don’t begrudge him – congratulations Paul. Anyway after the doubles their team started with the singing and that was about it. We went down 10-2 with Moysie and Darren the only winners taking advantage of the only legs they didn’t finish quickly. Our 100% losing away record still intact.

So to last night and the visit of the Working Mens Club. Last year we won this fixture by playing badly and them playing slightly worse and it looked like this was going to be the same. Moysie and Darren then me and Hos won the first two before Clint and Dave lost the third. The Big Toe and Bungle then won the 4th leg before me and Clint won the first two singles. We found ourselves 5-1 up and the only way to describe it was a struggle. Bungle was next and well ahead of a struggling Dave Cable before Dave somehow found a 112 finish to nick it. From there, Moysie and Oz both lost before Goochy went on to get us the draw. We then needed 1 from the last two and Shoot em up was unlucky to see his opponent finish on 66 after he had missed 72. Last on was the in form Stavros who had won two on the trot before this. Although he played ok his opponent was too good with two high scores and Darren lost to leave the result at 6-6.

Our first draw of the season and we have lost our 100% home record but at least its another point. We’ll take the same next week away to the Home Guard, with the Hos brothers definitely missing and me probably not there either.

Good luck boys

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-09-17T12:52:00.000-07:00

Another week goes by and another top 8 side in the first 6 matches! Cheers Dave!

Some good news though, gottsfreecabs were back this week, yeah! Oh, that was until I had the classic "under the thumb" text message from him saying "they" (that'll be him and his new best friend - don't forget us please) wouldn't be back till late (guessing about 7:30 to 8:00) so won't be worth (can't be bothered) coming out for darts! SHOCKER!!!!!

Just for all of us really I've added a picture so we don't forget what he looks like!

Back to the darts now and we were at home to the LTFC! to summarise the matches and because I got told off for getting some of the matches wrong in last weeks report I've decided to be more accurate this week . . . . .

We won 9 - 3

Serious and Bardy losing in the doubles and in the singles, Snatch-u-ral and . . . . . Correct, Tw@t!

High scores below

I must now point out our new signing for this season! Yet to win a singles match (not you Ash) but throwing like he was 16 again it's Fluffy! We're not sure how he's managed to look like a dart player again, but he showed that he still had the old magic left in him (suprisingly after he'd played with Tw@t in the doubles) with a very fine 16 dart leg, our best of the season so far! Are you taking note Serious???

Some put his change in form down to 4 hours practice every night or afternoon when he leaves work early!

Others would say it's because Tw@t is so bad at darts now (he was bad before I know) and losing such heavy weights like Liquids (literally) and Sheepy, that Fluffy was reborn as a gift from above to help the pot black side get at least 6 legs each week!

But I believe it's because he's improved his image . . . . .

Anyway, well done for winning this week boys. Make sure you learn to duck and weave this week cause we might need it against the Ole Frank!!!

Other news

Fluffy finds someones key in a taxi and then realises it's for his front door! Don't wake your wife up again Fluffy!

Joke corner

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

Paul is getting a check up. The doctor says, "Paul, you need to stop masturbating." Paul says, "Why?" The doctor replies, "Because I am trying to examine you."

See you all soon! You too Gottsy!

Linx

Capt Cob

Vice Skip

B-TEAM REPORT

2009-09-11T06:42:00.000-07:00

Another Friday and another night struggling to find eight players to turn out and play. Still without the Big Toe (should be alright from now on as it will be too dark to play golf), missing our star of last week, Odd Job, Moysie working and the strangest excuse ever from Yid “I’m going to Norwich to pick up a boiler”. Come on Steve I’m sure you’ve done that plenty of times before and why did you have to go to Norwich, there must be plenty in Lowestoft!

Anyway, on to the game with me and Hos up first against R Barneveld and P Taylor (alright not really but it felt like it after a 140, 121 and a bull finish). 1-0 down and we played alright! Bungle and Magoo then got us going with game described by Wally as excellent followed by Shoot em up and Clint with guns blazing to get us ahead. Wally and Stavros were last on and despite good play especially from Darren, they unfortunately couldn’t finish and we ended the doubles at 2-2.

First on in the singles was Darren who played really well and hit a first dart finish to earn his first win of the season against Rousey, one of our Summer transfer targets! Very good games from Bungle and Stridey including a triple salko (from Dave not Billy) and we were 5-2 up. Hos then struggled to finish before I got a win to get us a point. A further hiccup from Paul Tyler before an excellent game under pressure from Ozzie secured the win. Wally on last also played well to give us an 8-4 win.

Good news we are still 100% at home.
Bad news we are still 0% away
Worse news we are away next week to Hearts of Oak
Really terrible news we will be struggling for players again with Hos, Magoo and Yid away sunning themselves in Corfu.

Still, we should have the Big Toe, Odd Job and Moysie back so we should be OK

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-09-11T03:55:00.000-07:00

The biggest test of the season so far then guys!

What? Trying to get half the team to drink alcohol? No! Playing against the Ex Serv HG!!!

I'll try and some up as best I can as I'm still waiting for a copy of the book from Skip!

No Gottsfreecabs again this week but I've heard a rumour that he might be there on Friday?

Fluffy now has a board up at home and is hoping to be the best player in the world again! He showed good form practicing up the pot black before the match but how would his nerves hold up in a tense game later in the evening??

Doubles picked and on with the show!

Serious and Bardy + Skip and Snatch-u-ral and we shared the legs! 1 - 1

Next up our best pair, Fluffy and HUD so you can guess the rest!!!!! WRONG! 2 - 1 up now! (mainly due to the extremely strong shoulders of Fluff)

Me and Smasher next and it seemed a little harsh losing with 68 away, a 140, 100, 100, 100 and a near miss at the doubles saw the match back at 2 - 2!

On with the singles and we were heavily stacked at the start with Serious, Me and Skip on first three!

cha-ching 3 - 2

cha-ching 4 - 2

cha-ching 5 - 2

After dropping 3 points from the first 8 in the league could we finally turn into a title winning team???

Smasher first to go and :-( 5 - 3!

HUD next and 4 darts a D20 to win the leg :-( 5 - 4!

Best player in the world next, Fluffy! Just a shame you drew Danny W :-( 5 - 5! Fluffy did look very tidy indeed, a decent signing it would seem! (please, please, please tell me it's not just a one off)

Bardy next and was well in control throughout the leg. Six darts at a double and, OUCH! 5 - 6!

Snatch-u-ral last against Dave Tasker and......................Bugger! 5 - 7!

Real shame we didn't get anything out of the match! Should have been at least a draw on the legs we got pinched from us but a win was probably what we deserved!

Roll on next week for our battle against the top 8 sides from last year vs LTFC!

Oh, and the following week against Ole Frank!!!!!

Other News

Ever thought after a couple of years visiting a bar and drinking enormous amounts alcohol and even once being sick in front of the barmaids that you'd one day find yourself being asked for ID?

Well this fellow did!

Smasher

Joke Corner

Ever wondered where the term ' Knob Head' came from?

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-09-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

Well well well lads! Where do I start this week?

Is it that Chillo was making his Friday night festival league debut (OMG)!

or........

Was it that Gottsy finished his golf well in time to play but still couldn't be bothered to turn out and play for us!

or........

Was it that more players now drink water than any other alcoholic beverage?

Anyway, I'll be summing up all those points later in the blog!

At home this week to the Hearts of Oak, and we were under no illusion that we were the underdogs for this match! Not because Chillo was playing for us (well it sort of was really) but that Smasher turned up a bit later than expected and was drinking water!!!!

Well after skip had made the draw we knew we needed to be 3 - 1 up in the doubles to aim for a draw! We led 2 - 1 after a happy birthday for the first doubles with Me and HUD on last pair! with a score of 7 in the leg and three wasted darts at D15 from HUD we deserved to be 2 - 2 after the doubles! (HUD did say he played quite well as usual!)

Me up against Jamesy in the first singles which was a must win saw a tight match down the board! Thanks to T18 last dart on two visits saw me keep my nose in front to finally see James drop in with a 136 to leave D3 (T17 instead of a single)! 112 was my ticket out of here but an awful attempt at D16 which HUD might have gotten closer too saw Jamesy get his chance! Three missed darts later and D12 first dart was enough to get the ball rolling again!

Ash vs Millsy next and with Millsy struggling to get away Ash made inroads toward the double. He finally left D6 but Millsy was hot on his tail now. Nerves seemed to get the better of Ash as he hit a big 13 on his first attempt but got a second chance. One on the wire which seemed to be in his way meant Millsy got the opportunity he needed and the score then became 3 -3! With Chillo still to come and Smasher looking shaky at best on water we needed our big guns to shine through!!!

Skip had another tidy performance but like the doubles match was denied by the wires! Both teams had numerous bounce outs all night! Skip started to build a decent lead against Nick Elliot who couldn't hit a barn door!!! Well he couldn't until 2 x 80+ a ton and a near miss on 156, which happened to be just enough to get another visit to the board and sneak them into the lead!

Now I can't remember the order that followed but I certainly remember the match which saw the very nervous Chillo making his debut. What a surprise we all had when Chillo managed to get away pretty quickly! Darts being wasted by throwing them off the board just added to Chillos disappointment as he soon became the next victim and the score was now 3 - 5. At least you had the balls to turn up and play for us when we were short Chillo, which is more than can be said for the guy with a new woman, forgotten his name!

Smasher was next up and the water was the difference in this leg let me tell you! 112 away and you think hes nailed the leg, but not being able to hit a big twenty with any of his next throws and HUD being ordered to the toilets by me because he was laughing too loud, kind a sums up the leg! At least you were there Smasher which is all we ask from the players, unlike the unknown cab driver who has a new best friend!!!

3 - 6 and HUD up next!!!!!

4 - 6 and the Weekend Sportsman came through for us!

Snatch-u-ral up next and Serious on Water, oh, I meant on last, gave us some hope!

4 - 7

4 - 8

And the hope had all faded!!!

Never mind guys! HG next week to look forward too!

(any chance of anyone drinking for the occasion???)

Other News

Skip asked me to keep an eye on his brother as he had left him in charge of the results card which needed passing to Dave Tasker! A phone call followed from Skip on Monday evening asking if HUD had passed the card to me as Dave hadn't received it and HUD was denying that he ever had the card! 15 minutes and a text from skip later confirmed (by his mother) that HUD did have the card as there was a crumpled paper mess in the back of his jean pocket after they had been through the wash!

Three new girls at the bar this week when we played spoof and HUD asked me if I knew who the one on the right looked like??? I said that I would drink my own pi$$ if she wasn't Harry Burgess' daughter because at some angles it was actually Harry in a long dark wig! She obviously found this quite insulting but mentioned how her brother was regretting not joining the Pot Black 'A' side this year! She said that he'll definitely be playing for us next year!

The other girl in the middle, Becky, aka Duncan Bannatyne was a right scream. I remember saying that she had an awful Irish accent which sounded fake (obviously winding the jock up) before HUD stepped in and asked what accent it was??? She sounded just like Dave Tommo with a slightly deeper voice but HUD was still unsure!!!!!

I then remember asking her where she got the enormous earrings from which would have made Pat Butcher jealous! She mumbled something in a foreign language (Jock) before I replied
" Your earrings are too big, they look $hit, and for those reasons I shan't be investing, I'm ooout"!

Ricky won the game of Liar Dice!

HUD destroyed the spoof legend 'Wally' at heads up spoof!

I had to get a taxi home! Where the fcuk is Gottsy! Lol

Joke Corner

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

See you all soon

Capt Cob
Vice Skip
Linx

B-TEAM REPORT

2009-08-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

Sun star man:-ODD JOB

Is Jurassic Park just fiction or could it become reality? I would have thought fiction but now I am not so sure. I would never have believed in the possibility of the re-appearance of creatures that have not been around for years until I went to the Pot Black last night and Dave (Tommo) Thompson walked in! We knew we were missing lots of players and thought he had come to our rescue but he was only there to invite us to his 40th birthday party, a surprise in itself as we all thought he was 45! Nice to see you Tommo.

We would like to say that we are strong enough that we can rotate our squad and that we had our Carling Cup side out last night but in truth we were missing some of our big guns (especially Shoot em up and Clint). On the subject of our lack of players we would like to thank Kingy who responded to a desperate phone call by flying in from Abu Dabi to make up the numbers. Obviously I rewarded him by leaving him out all night as we had 8 anyway.

Without Goochy, Billy, Stridey and Clint we needed to shake up the side in order to try and get something out of the ex servs a so there were some different pairings on show. Hos and Gally started off but their opponents were too strong. Me and Darren went next but they took out an 88 finish with us on 52. Moysie and Yid had our first darts at the double of the night but couldn’t finish. Last on were Wally and Magoo but they didn’t get away until half past ten so we were 4-0 down after the doubles.

We needed a rot-stopper and when Moysie hit 123 and 180 we thought we were on the way but he couldn’t finish and we were 5-0 down. The rot was stopped in the next leg by a good game from Wally. Then I won to make it 5-2. Was the come back on? NO! Hos played well but his opponent played better and Darren then lost to leave the game over at 7-2.

Next on wa Paul Gallagher. Now what can I tell you about Paul. Earlier in the evening he had been compared to a bouncer whilst having a fag outside the potty and when it was asked what he would look like in a suit, someone said “Odd Job”. Now we all know that Odd Job has been practising more than our entire A Team put together but no one was really prepared for what happened...He has come back this year with a renewed enthusiasm and was looking forward to a first singles of the year. With no-one realising the game was actually on the way, we turned around to see that Paul had got away first time. It was a bit confusing though, how on earth did he hit 14.2?? no hang on, surely not 142?? Yes it was, a high start to get going. A few throws later and his lowest score on the board was 60 and he was down to a double hope he doesn’t struggle to finish. No problem straight in double twelve. We have never seen him so focussed. He attributes his new form and confidence to being regularly thrashed by a 14 year old (hold on I don’t like the way our team is going we already have one Paedo on the books).

Yiddo and Magoo were our last two players but both lost to finish 9-3 to them.

I expect to have a full squad available next week and some selection headaches. So far we are 100% at home and 0% away so lets see if we can keep the home form going.

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

2009-08-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

NO PAUL WE CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WON EITHER!!!

Another week and another struggle to find 8 players!

Ex serv A away this week and without extreme foam we knew it would be tough!

Doubles looked a little shaky and with Serious and Bardy losing we needed the rest to come good! We managed to get a 2 - 2 from the pairs and more importantly it looked like HUD had brought his darts this week!

Gotts then making his first appearence this year in the singles after working extremely hard these last few weeks, no one has managed to see him! He's even been playing a lot less golf would you believe!!! Got to love Gottsy when he finds a woman! Despite his first match against quavers he showed a good account of himself and should have won the leg! Bad luck bud. Sure you can't make this week? We're well short!

I remember skips match against the bald guy who was working straight after his match! Skip missed his start, but left D12 after a fine 177 after 15 darts. The bald guy on 90 must have felt the pressure a little, but it didn't show as he took out D15 with his last dart!

We fought our way back slowly wigh usual winners to make it 5 - 5 with Ash and HUD to play.
It soon came down to HUD vs Jimmy Shaw for a draw. With a decent performance in the doubles with me he surely would be $hit in the singles!!! How I was wrong as he played a tidy match to secure the draw!

Maybe HUD only plays well when Fluffy isn't there!!!

We thought we'd wait for the grub then back to the pot black! But after waiting 10 minutes for them to serve the other match first with 3 games still to go, cobby was a little animated! Finally after 20 mins we had our grub (dry curly sandwiches) and I was a little happier!!!
It was about 11 now so most never made it back to the pot black!

Fluffy, is your dad available to play this week?
Gottsy, surely you can make it this week? Don't tell me it's your bird's, second cousin's, pet in fancy dress, anniversary special party this week!!!

Joke corner:

A girl was in the pub yesterday when she suddenly realized she desperately needed to fart.

The music was really, really loud, so she timed her farts with the beat.After a couple of songs, she started to feel better.

She finished her drink and noticed that everybody was staring at her!
Then she suddenly remembered that she was listening to her iPod.