PAULS SUMMER WAFFLE!

Hi all
weekend sportsman here and raring to go!! true enough I havent done a blog since xmas but I can confirm the draft is in my hotmail acount. I still cant access this account I may get it to you by next year. But dont hold your breath- not because I like you but because I need you all for the summer league team.

Where shall I start? its been so long and I normally cant even remeber the next day so what chance do i have??!!

WHATS CHANGED?
Fluff cant throm his darts!
Linx has 2 ar**h***s!
Snatural cant walk!
Serious gets more serious!
Skip has retired!
Mick Wall gets a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

The season has finished and as usual we came second, a close run thing losing on legs only!

Skip has retired and we wish him all the best, so the race is on to be new skipper, currently there are no hats in the ring for this prestige job!!! Any skipper who takes over has a massive run of 2nds to contend with!!!!

THINKING ABOUT WHERE IT ALL WENT WRONG........

The default answer is well PH was awful all year and admittedly if I could somehow got myself to the mediocre level with the odd splash of form which I produced for 10 years we would have won!!! in reality we all had chances at times in the year, if it was easy to win it would be boring, MAYBE NEXT YEAR!? BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF FUN!!!!!! ITS A FRIDAY FOR F**** SAKE!!!!!

I would speak about the tournaments but the general theme is failure, well apart from one person and Im sure he has mentioned himself to you all already! ha ha

FREE TO A GOOD HOME

Now this monkey is going free to a good home, apparantley he is unbelievably loyal. His favourite food is lola kitchin, and his drink of choice worthington.
So why is this addorable creature going free?
Well he firmly sat on the back his previous owner for several year's but is now surplus to requirements as his owner is now festival league singles champion!!
all enquiries to Matt Hook.
( On a more SERIOUS note, well done mate!)


BUNGLES PROMOTION DREAM

Well with the Scum soaring towards the premiership and The super Blues stuck in mid table obscurity, I needed reassurance that next year we will once again regain our rightful spot as the pride of Anglia. I caught up with Bungle to find out where it all went wrong and find out the exact plan that Bungle has laid down to Paul Jewell to mastermind our success next season.
weekend sportsman ' So Bungle what do you think about the scum being promoted?
Bungle ' ***k **f '
Weekend Sportsman ' okay good choice of words, So Bungle where do you think it all went wrong this year? '
Bungle ' This year!!!!! this f***** year, it all went wrong years ago when we got that Irish ttttttttwaaa*************aaaaa***t**tttt called Keane all he did was sign rubbish players and treat them like they were retards from the scottish league, these are proper professionals who can actually play the game. Quite frankly he let all of our best players go and the depth of the squad was dramatically reduced!!! I'm still In shock that he let Ulrich Le Pen go, The guy clearly had a sharp eye for goal and loved running at his full back.

Weekend sportsman 'Whats in store for the mighty Town next year?'
Bungle 'Well Paul Ive looked at the competition and its not looking too sharp. Its quite simple really, Torres is lacking in form since his 50m move and will be out of favour with the new manager at Chelsea. He will love a 6-month move to Anglia to regain his form as he has developed an addiction for Cromer crabs on a recent trip to the area and wants to be closer to its source. If he gets the service its a guaranteed 2 goals a game. To provide the service we have the returning Finidi George, after 8 years climatisation training in the artic he can now hold his 10/10 dream team rating in all conditions and is motivated to prove that he was worthy of his ridiculously massive wages he took off us a few years back.
Weekend Sportsman 'but Bungle is 2 goals enough, we were shaky at the back last year?'
Bungle 'You tttttttttwaaa********************aaaaa*****tt***tt (with the head/hand thing) I've obviously thought of that!!!!! Kieron Dyer at right back because he had one good game there for England, Jamie Clapham at left back so we can play neat triangles like the George Burley days with the dynamic duo of Mowbray, and Wark in the centre!!!! Job done, guaranteed promotion.
Weekend sportsman 'cheers Bungle!!!!! '
Bungle 'no probs mate'.

WHERE'S LINX

Over the close season the larger than life character that is Linx has had a 4 stone sist removed from his body. Now I know what your thinking ..........Jesus what a result for the big fella!!!!!!!!, an easy way to drop a couple of waist sizes. Unfortunately Linx could not stand up for weeks and this quick fix method came a cropper as the weight piled back on again. Linx got a cob because I didnt visit enough but I did sneak in one day when he wasn't looking and manage to get one snap of him passing the day away on his computer. The question is................................ CAN YOU SPOT HIM?

http://www.whereslinx.blogspot.com/


GOTTS WATCH

well its been a bit quiet on the Gotts watch front recently, I had an influx a few months back as the hot line went mental for days with spot after spot all over town!!! this cant be correct I thought, is someone just trying to jump on the band wagon and impersonate the Gotts with a view to getting a free ride through life on the back of the tax payers!!!!!!! So what was the quickest way to find out if these were true Gott's spots.......... ring him and ask him???? .... nope..... logged onto facebook- relationship status ...... single... thats solved it yep these spots were all genuine.Now despite several warnings (one particuarly strong one from Fluff) Gotts went back to yarco scum land for one more tilt at 'the family thing' and all went quiet again. Now I have received information in last few days that these spots could once again be on the rise.Face book says single, and the furniture has been moved out, yep Gotts watch is up and running. Shelley Crossley has also got wind of this and filed for a restraining order!!!!

around about 10 people have reported a spiky haired gent with a slightly tubby belly, a limp, jeans with rips on the bottom, un shaven and smelling extremely strongly of aftershave and what looks LIKE A TAIL BETWEEN HIS LEGS! unloading a black car on Yeovil road. The people who reported this are DGs best mates. I believe this to be a true Gotts spot.

JOKE CORNER

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS MAY BE ANSWERED...
Can PH return for an indian summer in the festival league?
Can Snatural walk again?
Can Fluff let go of his darts?
Who is Pot Blacks new skipper?
Will Gott's decide women are'nt for him and turn gay?

Weekend sportsman
over and out!

DARTS COMPETITION

[CLICK ON IMAGE TO VIEW]

B-TEAM WRITE UP

Hi Guys

Another week and another dart match and expectations were high with an away visit to the kevill arms who are struggling at the wrong end of the table. A good start with me and Bungle probably playing the best game we have all season to get us 1-0 up. Unfortunately Hos and Goochy then couldn’t start and Oz and Moysie got mugged by a 100 finish before Shoot em up and Clint got us back level. A solid singles from Steve got us ahead again before Goochy fell victim to their second high finish of the night and Stavros (making a rare outing despite still having problems with his stones) couldn’t finish. Clint then nicked us one back and Ozzie followed this with a 114 finish (using the Goochy system of hitting two doubles). A poor game from yours truly left it all square at 5-5 and the last two games were shared with a very good game from Bungle and a shame that Hos couldn’t get away in the last leg. 6-6 final score and another point on the board before we entertain HG next week.

Talking point of the night was provided by Goochy who turned up with four fingers in bandages. Now we are becoming increasingly aware that for many years his idol has been Jeremy Beadle and, whilst growing a beard to emulate the look of his fashion icon is one thing, trying to shorten his fingers does seem to be going a bit too far.

As a caring club and in the interest of health and safety here are some guidelines we trust you will find useful when operating hand held circular saws

1. Always plug power tools into a RCB (circuit breaker) as a safety measure against electrical faults.

2. Wear goggles to protect eyes from dust/chippings and a face/dust mask to prevent breathing in dangerous dust particles.

3. Always read the manufacturers instructions very carefully and follow them.

4. Always seek instruction / training from an appropriately qualified instructor before using any tools, especially power tools.

5. Make sure that the mains cable cannot be tripped over or that it causes a hazard in anyway.

6. G Cramp the material to be cut/shaped to a firm workbench before starting.

7. Fit an extraction bag to the circular saw if one is available. This will collect most of the dust.

8. Before plugging in to the mains, check the condition of the blade. Do not use the saw if the blade looks damaged or worn.
9. KEEP HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE ROTATING BLADE.
10. KEEP HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE ROTATING BLADE
11. KEEP YOUR BLOODY HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE ROTATING BLADE
12. KEEP YOUR BLOODY HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE.ROTATING BLADE YOU PILLOCK

Obviously latching on to this unfortunate injury was our very own self-styled king of the nicknames, Bungle, who is a legend in his own mind. Now Bungle, as you know, has several nicknames of his own but sees himself as something of a guru in allocating new names where deemed necessary. When it comes to choosing new names to be allocated nothing is accepted until given the official Bungle seal of approval (which usually means he thought of it). After much thought, consideration and lager, this font of all knowledge applied himself to the poor unfortunate circumstances of Goochy (aka legend, aka mother Theresa) and decided that henceforth he shall be known as FINGERS! Another good nights work from Bill although he still hasn’t found anything better for Clint (not for the want of trying)

We think there is something rooted in his ancestry that may be of Red Indian origin which enables him to select names based on sights or events. An Indian brave once questioned his father “how did my sister get her name? The chief replied “after she was conceived I left the tepee, looked up and saw a bright star, so I named her bright star”. The brave then asked and how did my brother get his name? The chief replied “after he was conceived I left the tepee and as I looked into the forest I saw a large wolf and so I called him Great Wolf”. The chief was a bit fed up at this point and dismissed the brave saying “enough questions now go to bed Two Dogs Shagging.

More to follow soon

All the best

Quiff

B-TEAM REPORT

Hi guys

Its been a while since we had an update on the b team, sorry about that but I’ve been a bit stuck for time. Before Christmas we had a good run of games including a good draw away at the marquis and a good win away at the ex servs b, which keeps us well in the top half of the league. The first game after Christmas was the knock out cup and this proved harder to lose than we had thought! Amazing how much easier it is to play when you are not trying. This may sound a little strange but, as last year, it is very doubtful we can get a side to play on good Friday and we don’t want to get fined for getting through again so we had to make sure we didn’t. We didn’t think we would have too much trouble playing the lake lothing as we thought they would beat us easily anyway but the match was played in a very relaxed good spirit and we found ourselves unexpectedly winning legs. Fortunately they managed to hold out and beat us 5-4 and the game went a long way to repairing the damage between the two teams from previous encounters.

Since that we have played our first league game of 2011 and Christmas hangovers were very evident. Poor starting and poor finishing were the order of the night and we struggled to beat hearts of oak c 7-5 thanks to three excellent wins in the last three singles. Goochy who even had time for some showboating with a 66 finish (10, d16, d12), Oz who had a 180 hit against him and held on to check out on 93 and Glynn who was never in danger despite a magoo moment from Stridey on the chalks (yes chalks) who failed to see the winning dart in the double and made him throw another one. All in all a good two points to keep us right up there.

So what has happened over the Christmas period? Poor old Stavros has been laid up with a kidney stone and hasn’t been out, get well soon Darren, Judith King has jetted off to god knows where again and there have been lots of new year resolutions:

Wally has given up the club
Shaun has given up shaving
Moysie has given up hope of Ipswich getting promoted
Billy has given up dartitis
I’ve given up hope of west ham ever playing well again
Stridey has given up the Michael Jackson spin (or rather it has given him up since he showed up with a new friend, Si Attica – unpleasant individual, bit of a pain in the arse)
The score board has given up working (how quaint, a return to chalk and memories of cave paintings – maybe we can all learn how to throw spears again)

In addition to the score board, the club video covering the darts was also not on last week. Apparently this was not a malfunction but as with everything else these days it appears coverage has now moved to Sky so they can extort even more money for watching sport. Coverage of the pot black b team games will now be shown on Sky Sports 234 and home games against the ex servicemens hg will only be available on pay per view at a cost of 10p an hour.

All the best

Quiff