B-TEAM WRITE UP

Hi Guys

Another week and another dart match and expectations were high with an away visit to the kevill arms who are struggling at the wrong end of the table. A good start with me and Bungle probably playing the best game we have all season to get us 1-0 up. Unfortunately Hos and Goochy then couldn’t start and Oz and Moysie got mugged by a 100 finish before Shoot em up and Clint got us back level. A solid singles from Steve got us ahead again before Goochy fell victim to their second high finish of the night and Stavros (making a rare outing despite still having problems with his stones) couldn’t finish. Clint then nicked us one back and Ozzie followed this with a 114 finish (using the Goochy system of hitting two doubles). A poor game from yours truly left it all square at 5-5 and the last two games were shared with a very good game from Bungle and a shame that Hos couldn’t get away in the last leg. 6-6 final score and another point on the board before we entertain HG next week.

Talking point of the night was provided by Goochy who turned up with four fingers in bandages. Now we are becoming increasingly aware that for many years his idol has been Jeremy Beadle and, whilst growing a beard to emulate the look of his fashion icon is one thing, trying to shorten his fingers does seem to be going a bit too far.

As a caring club and in the interest of health and safety here are some guidelines we trust you will find useful when operating hand held circular saws

1. Always plug power tools into a RCB (circuit breaker) as a safety measure against electrical faults.

2. Wear goggles to protect eyes from dust/chippings and a face/dust mask to prevent breathing in dangerous dust particles.

3. Always read the manufacturers instructions very carefully and follow them.

4. Always seek instruction / training from an appropriately qualified instructor before using any tools, especially power tools.

5. Make sure that the mains cable cannot be tripped over or that it causes a hazard in anyway.

6. G Cramp the material to be cut/shaped to a firm workbench before starting.

7. Fit an extraction bag to the circular saw if one is available. This will collect most of the dust.

8. Before plugging in to the mains, check the condition of the blade. Do not use the saw if the blade looks damaged or worn.
9. KEEP HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE ROTATING BLADE.
10. KEEP HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE ROTATING BLADE
11. KEEP YOUR BLOODY HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE ROTATING BLADE
12. KEEP YOUR BLOODY HANDS AND FINGERS AWAY FROM THE.ROTATING BLADE YOU PILLOCK

Obviously latching on to this unfortunate injury was our very own self-styled king of the nicknames, Bungle, who is a legend in his own mind. Now Bungle, as you know, has several nicknames of his own but sees himself as something of a guru in allocating new names where deemed necessary. When it comes to choosing new names to be allocated nothing is accepted until given the official Bungle seal of approval (which usually means he thought of it). After much thought, consideration and lager, this font of all knowledge applied himself to the poor unfortunate circumstances of Goochy (aka legend, aka mother Theresa) and decided that henceforth he shall be known as FINGERS! Another good nights work from Bill although he still hasn’t found anything better for Clint (not for the want of trying)

We think there is something rooted in his ancestry that may be of Red Indian origin which enables him to select names based on sights or events. An Indian brave once questioned his father “how did my sister get her name? The chief replied “after she was conceived I left the tepee, looked up and saw a bright star, so I named her bright star”. The brave then asked and how did my brother get his name? The chief replied “after he was conceived I left the tepee and as I looked into the forest I saw a large wolf and so I called him Great Wolf”. The chief was a bit fed up at this point and dismissed the brave saying “enough questions now go to bed Two Dogs Shagging.

More to follow soon

All the best

Quiff

B-TEAM REPORT

Hi guys

Its been a while since we had an update on the b team, sorry about that but I’ve been a bit stuck for time. Before Christmas we had a good run of games including a good draw away at the marquis and a good win away at the ex servs b, which keeps us well in the top half of the league. The first game after Christmas was the knock out cup and this proved harder to lose than we had thought! Amazing how much easier it is to play when you are not trying. This may sound a little strange but, as last year, it is very doubtful we can get a side to play on good Friday and we don’t want to get fined for getting through again so we had to make sure we didn’t. We didn’t think we would have too much trouble playing the lake lothing as we thought they would beat us easily anyway but the match was played in a very relaxed good spirit and we found ourselves unexpectedly winning legs. Fortunately they managed to hold out and beat us 5-4 and the game went a long way to repairing the damage between the two teams from previous encounters.

Since that we have played our first league game of 2011 and Christmas hangovers were very evident. Poor starting and poor finishing were the order of the night and we struggled to beat hearts of oak c 7-5 thanks to three excellent wins in the last three singles. Goochy who even had time for some showboating with a 66 finish (10, d16, d12), Oz who had a 180 hit against him and held on to check out on 93 and Glynn who was never in danger despite a magoo moment from Stridey on the chalks (yes chalks) who failed to see the winning dart in the double and made him throw another one. All in all a good two points to keep us right up there.

So what has happened over the Christmas period? Poor old Stavros has been laid up with a kidney stone and hasn’t been out, get well soon Darren, Judith King has jetted off to god knows where again and there have been lots of new year resolutions:

Wally has given up the club
Shaun has given up shaving
Moysie has given up hope of Ipswich getting promoted
Billy has given up dartitis
I’ve given up hope of west ham ever playing well again
Stridey has given up the Michael Jackson spin (or rather it has given him up since he showed up with a new friend, Si Attica – unpleasant individual, bit of a pain in the arse)
The score board has given up working (how quaint, a return to chalk and memories of cave paintings – maybe we can all learn how to throw spears again)

In addition to the score board, the club video covering the darts was also not on last week. Apparently this was not a malfunction but as with everything else these days it appears coverage has now moved to Sky so they can extort even more money for watching sport. Coverage of the pot black b team games will now be shown on Sky Sports 234 and home games against the ex servicemens hg will only be available on pay per view at a cost of 10p an hour.

All the best

Quiff