Sunday, 30 November 2008

FIRST HALF DONE!


Back again boys!
I hope the 'Weekend Sportsman' (Paul) can manage next weeks blog as I can't make darts this week!

LTFC away this week.

On arrival it was nice to see the place freshly refurbished and looking good. Bardy had finally finished his sleepathon and was available for selection this week. Well done for all the money you raised mate!

First doubles up was Cobby (Me) and The Snatch-u-ral (Ed). It was clear to see from the practice darts thrown that the atmosphere was becoming intense as at least 25 people had gathered around to lend their support. During the match the cheering became excessive even for our standards bearing in mind it was a Friday night match up! At times you just had to take a step back from the oche, compose yourself and wait for the noise levels to fall. It became so tense towards the end of the leg, I was starting to shake! A few nervy throws later and the place erupted as the winning double was hit! The Bull (Terry Jenkins) had just beaten The Sulk (Raymond Van Barneveld)! Shortly after the news was broken I slip a nice little double 2 in to secure the victory 1 - 0.

Not sure on the remaining doubles as I was listening to the post match interview with Matt Smith, but there were a couple of tight matches as the score went in our favour 3 - 1. The momentum picked up in the singles apart from a little blip with Liquids (Kelvin) losing to finish up the night with a very respectable 10 - 2 win. Well done lads.

Skip (Craigo) left shortly after the walls sausages had run out and said we didn't need a taxi as there were only 9 of us! Lucky for us that Fluffy double checked before leaving and confirmed that we had 10 but still didn't need a taxi !!! With one car full I did the honourable thing and ran across the wet road as it rained heavily to squeeze into Liquids car! To my surprise the car was already full which meant we actually had 11 people and I was the Fcuking left over!

A quick phone call to 51 taxis and I hopped into the next available taxi that arrived which certainly wasn't a 51! CHEERS!

I managed to get revenge back at the Pot Black with a second place finish at spoof and a small £3 prize to cover the taxi fare! Well done to Smasher (Craig) who beat me comfortably in the final.

Pot Black closing time and we finally got it right this week and went straight to Flames!!!!!

Business done for another week then. Good luck this week boys.

Capt Cob
Vice Skip
Linx

PS - In case anyone missed the episode of Gavin & Stacey last week I have recorded it. It is the episode where they turn up late to the Kebab shop (Flames) after a busy nights work for Stacey! Just let me know and I'll Bluetooth you the episode!!!

PPS - And I thought Gavin was spending more time down the Pot Black to be with his mates. . . . . . ?

HOPPING UP THE LEAGUE?



Hi Guys

Following the overwhelming wave of sympathy and compassion I felt from reading the report of my unfortunate incapacity, I feel it is time to catch up on the recent darting exploits of the B Team Mob! Unfortunately I have fallen a bit behind the times on these due to unfortunate circumstances (1) my computer has been playing up but has now been fixed and (2) The bloody thing’s UPSTAIRS! I am currently in the process of sourcing a new lap top so hopefully normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

So to the darts story so far. Where were we? Oh yes, the last time I was in contact our intrepid spear chuckers had continued in their winning ways with fine results away at the Marquis and home to the KWMC, the latter being through sheer grit and determination rather than quality darts all night. This led us to our next game, an away visit to Sea Breeze. We went into this game feeling confident and it turned out we were right to do so. After an initial opening loss in the first doubles the ship was soon steadied with several games on the trot being won, including a welcome return to form from Moysie with a 106 finish. The match ended with a 9-3 win and two more points.

The following week saw us at home to the Ole Frank in the last game of the first half of the season. Between these two weeks there was a well documented injury to yours truly and I am facing several weeks out with my leg in plaster. Not to be deterred I did attempt throwing the darts with the aid of a chair to kneel on and was even contemplating playing until the away Captain put up every complaint under the sun that it would be too slow and upset the rhythm of the opposing player (have these people never played Matty Hook??), thereby ruling out any thoughts of a possible one-legged game.

The game started and all that can be said for the opening two doubles victories is that all four players concerned are currently awaiting trial for mugging and robbery! These wins were followed by four straight losses with the overall standard pretty poor (that’s a bit of an understatement, if we were a team of muslims we would be SHE-ITE!) The next few games saw us somehow go into a 6-5 lead with the highlight being a superb 76 finish from Dave Shoot-Em-Up Stride. This left Hos on last and needing a Captains Innings, he duly stepped up to the mark and got us the win. Cue cries of “how the hell did we do that” from the Potty boys and a disgruntled departure from the club from the Ole Frank. A note on how good the standard was, we did not hit one high score all night.

Last Friday saw the first game of the second half and the visit of the Tudor Rose, who turned us over on the first game of the season. This time we were ready for them and a much improved overall performance saw us chalk up a 9-3 win, with Paul Tyler shining on the night with an excellent game. We are third in the league after the first half of the season and are now two points better off in the second half than we were at the same stage in the first half!

Keep it up boys, next game Friday is away, I don’t need to tell you where, but I think it’s the “D” team we are playing.

See you soon

Quiff

Friday, 21 November 2008

WHERE'S THE WRITE UP'S?


What a lot of FUSS over a dart in your toe!!!! (What a Drama Queen!)

The super 'B' side, who are now lying in 3rd. place in Div 1 and have the home -guard and P.B. A crapping in their wife's knickers! "How long can this last" the entire nation is asking? Till Pauly Gallagher wins a game, or indefinitely is the answer! But after such an epic run the main thing on the super hero's B Team minds is "WHERE ARE THE BLOODY WRITE-UP'S " Alright we know that our Capt has a genuine excuse last week as he ruptured his Achilles tendon. In fact everyone knew something bad had happened as the seismic tremors were felt half-way round the world. Kingy is sending a claim to Quiff, as one of his windows shattered in Dubai!!! The word in the club was one of utter disbelief, no not the injury, but HOW could Quiff & Capt Cob(Ryan) both get on one side of a badminton court in the first place!! Also I don't think you needed the high visibility Jacket , unless it's compulsory when they call a crane in!


Anyway, so sorry to hear of your injury Tony, but we can't dwell on it too long, SO... When are you back playing again you know it is the Team your letting down! General census is even if You played on crutches it would still be much faster than Serious Matt's game! The whole point is now your lying on the sofa doing bugger all there's no excuse for not providing your willing foot soldiers with a bit of praise from week to week!!

'A' V's TUDOR ROSE

(RARE HURRICANE HITS TUDOR ROSE)

Welcome yet again to another exciting edition of the Pot Black Dart Chuckers Blog!

Tudor Rose were the opponents this week. It was a good job we didn't have to play a top 6 side as we were extremely short on numbers this week!!!

1/ Skipper (Craig) was away this week on important duties with his wife Gemma (can't remember why he couldn't make it so I have guessed).

2/ Sheepy (Spence) and Liquids (Kelvin) were on holiday, basking in the hot sunshine of YARMOUTH!!!! To be more precise they were at the Vauxhall Holiday Camp for the weekend. I can only assume they were holding a karaoke competition which Liquids fancied and a Sheep shearing competition which Sheepy must have volunteered for (he do anything for a free hair cut). I had been told there was a darts tournament on the same weekend but assumed neither would be wasting their money on this!

3/ Fluffy (Gaz) and DG (Gottsy) were playing golf in the dark!

4/ Best of all, which not too many people had heard about, Bardy (Danny) was also missing! I only got wind of this when I rang his home phone a spoke with his mum! She initially thought he was at darts, but I confirmed that he wasn't with us, and I needed to do the draw soon! She then remembered he was taking part in a charity event for Children in Need. He was participating in a SLEEP-A-THON to see if he could stay in bed for 2 days solid without being disturbed. I'm sure he managed this with ease and lets hope he raised a lot of money for a good cause!

This meant we were one short and we had already acquired the services of Hurricane (Hitcham). With a phone call to the golfers to see if they could make it back in time for the last doubles we were back up to eight! Fluffy and DG competed in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who would represent us that night. DG was a clear 2 - 0 winner at the game of pure luck and so he was the lucky man to sit out and let Fluffy play!

The night went according to plan but not without a few hiccups along the way! Hud (Paul) and Dunston (Al) got us off the mark with a decent performance by normally useless, Hud [140] and an indifferent performance from Dunston. Next up were Smasher (Craig) [140] and The Snatch-ural (Ed) who just about deserved to beat Slimmer of the year (Piggy) and his partner to make it 2 - 0.

The next two matches saw the debutants to Friday night darts this year take to the floor! Cobby (Me) [140] and Hurricane were up first and needed a little luck to finally get the double and make it 3 - 0 and onto the eagerly awaited performance of Serious (Matt) and Fluffy!

Fluffy's release of the dart has slowed down over the years but was still much faster than his partner! A vintage performance from Serious but equally impressive from Fluffy [123] and not to mention the best dart thrown of the night!!! The game was nervously poised with Fluffy wanting 16 and the home side back on 159. The first dart almost brought the outer tyre down, but his second dart hit the wire of double 8. With such a marker to aim at his final dart (best of the night) was deliberately thrown into the carpet! With the opponents back on a bogie shot, it was the right thing to do as Serious took out double 8 with just the one dart! After the match people from the other team could not understand such a dart and ask Fluff what went wrong? to which he replied "Nothing went wrong, I aimed at the tyre and hit the carpet". "There was no way I was leaving my partner 5 as I would snatch one into the 11".

Next up was Hud! He had seen the doubles go 4 - 0 and I guess he was worrying about that 'Chesney' as he lost his match!

All the remaining matches went as predicted with us only dropping two more legs to secure a 9 - 3 victory! I do not need to tell you who the other two were, as Liquids and Sheepy were not playing that night!!!

Noticeable performances were (blow your own trumpet) Cobby [103st] with an 18 darter, Serious [140, 119] with a tough match against Piggy and Smasher [112st, 125] who managed to white wash his opponent!

Keep the winning going boys!

Capt Cob
Vice Skip
Linx

PS - Broadview is now becoming a waste of time as Hud and DG don't really want to go up there anymore which is fine with the rest of us! Hud is loved up with B____ and has to work the next morning and DG is running up £100+ phone bills with his imaginary girlfriend in South Africa! Can we either go out for a few drinks or go straight for the food in future!

PPS - Can me and Fluffy still get a free lift back whatever happens!

Friday, 14 November 2008

'A' Versus Queens Head


Jackanory Fluffy Story


Welcome again guys & gals if you're listening (reading) ?

With the Ex Serv HG defeated we needed to continue winning this week! The Queens Head were the next opponents and when I spoke with Marty Whatling when he arrived he was convinced it was going to be one way traffic! He mentioned that they played the worst game of darts ever the previous week, it was absolutely diabolical, but he then told me that they somehow won! Lets hope we have the same fortune this week when we take on the Tudor Rose!

First doubles up, and we were 1 - 0 down! All I can remember after the game is Marty shouting out that's one more than we got against the Ex Serv HG. Things got worse as Serious (Matt) was partnered with Hud (Paul) and yet another defeat! 2 - 0 and sweating slightly, which was mainly due to the fact that I'm overweight!

0 - 2 soon became 2 - 2 which soon became 10 - 2.

Not much else to report other than two victories from Hud (Paul) at Liar Dice after the game! Cobby was second in the first and Wally was second in the next game. Wally obviously fed up with the weak challenges in the 'B' side so wanted to prove himself further with a match up against the 'A' players!

Roll on next week guys!

Vice Skip
Capt Cob
Linx

PS - Fluff sent this to me the other day and it's worth a quick read!

TYPICAL BLOKE

A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have thetime of his life, that is, until the ship sank.


He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas, coconuts and the few fish that he managed to catch. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore on a boat.


In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank a few months ago.''Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a rowing boat wash up with you.''Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made this boat out of raw materials that I found on the other side of the island. There's lots of wood, palms and vines.'But, where did you get the tools?''Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'I found a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock. I used that for tools.


The guy is stunned.'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearlyfalls off the boat. Before him is stone walkway leading to an exquisite hut painted in yellow and white.While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please.
Would you like a drink?''No thank you,' he mumbles, still dazed. 'I can't take any more coconut juice.''It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I've managed to ferment some alcohol. How would you like a Pina Colada?'


Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a lovely fountain outsideand I've made a razor out of tortoise bone.'No longer surprised by anything, the man goes to shower and shave.'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'Whatever will it be next?'When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'msure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?' She stares provocatively into his eyes ...He swallows excitedly and tears start to well-up in his eyes.....


'F*****g hell, don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

POT BLACK 'A' V'S THE ENEMY (HOMEGUARD)

DREAM TEAM STAR MAN
Matt (Serious) Hook

(Couldn't carry Harrod but saved me from getting a draw!)

Well guys as the weekend sportsman (Paul) said last week, we have a touch match facing us as we battle our arch rivals the Ex-servicemens HG. A victory would be a brilliant result for us and open up a 3 point lead at the top. I seeked some vital words of wisdom from Hos and Hos up the bar before we left, to draw on some of their HG destroying experiences!

PS - Can you stop winning guys or you'll knock us off top spot! Good stuff!

As me and the Skip (Craigo) had already discussed they would be at full strength. This is despite Andy Honeyman's best efforts to disrupt our preparations leading up to the game confirming that Danny would be working away (NOT!) and Jimmy would be combing his guinea pigs (NOT). They still had the mighty Nigel/Neil/N/Nibs/Nibby Niblett to bolster their side if they happened to be short of players!

With a call from Bardy (Danny) during the day to confirm he would be working late I knew that we would be fielding the 'weekend sportsman' (Paul) in the doubles, and the hopes of winning away from home seemed to fade away (if it was a scratch snooker tournament I may have fancied you for this one buddy)!

The draw was done after tinkering with the doubles for a bit and it seemed to be fairly favourable to us, notably as Kelly made the doubles (but so did Natural [Ed] and Weekend [Paul])!

Early victories for us in the doubles from Smasher (Craig) and Liquids (Kelv) + Dunston (Al) and Skip (Craigo) saw us take a 2 - 0 lead with good doubles still to come. The unfortunate thing of what was to come is that Cobby (Me) and Serious (Matt) were not paired together and that both of our partners produced the most awful display of darts I can remember since Liquids (Kelv) performance at the Ole Frank last year and his double one marathon!

The Natural was really off form in the doubles and my 60, 100 combinations were never enough to keep us alive. We nearly got a shot at a double but it wasn't to be! Then came the demise of the weekend sportsman (Paul) which some critics say was the most appalling performance they have seen by a professional since Alan Glaziers performace against Bobby George in the News of the world final 1978/79 or more recently Roland Scholten's game the night before. Serious (Matt) didn't miss much and must have been averaging 40+ per dart, which should be enough to carry any partner! However, this was no ordinary partner as he could barely scrape 30 per throw!!! A chance to redeem himself in the closing stages of the leg saw his double 4 attempt firmly hit the 13! The score was now at 2 - 2 and with Weekend (Paul) and Natural (Ed) still to play singles it seemed a difficult mountain to climb!

Ping pong in the singles as we traded the first 4 legs. Brilliant performances from all 4 guys and unlucky to lose two of them. Awesome display from Smasher (Craig) winning with ease in his match against Thatch. Natural (Ed) put the doubles behind him and played a blinder against Jimmy. Two missed darts at D18 gave Jimmy the chance to checkout on 116 and square the match up at 3 - 3. If Natural (Ed) can turn his game around was there any hope for the Weekend sportsman (Paul)??? An outstanding display it has to be said as he hit back to back 140's against Tasker, and the second one was in reply to Taskers 180. Advantage back to us and critics said it is the best comeback from a player or team they have seen since Liverpool vs. Milan in the European Cup final back in 2005! Liquids up next against Mr Invincible (Andy Honeyman) and leaving himself on 56 as Andy took out a top finish (can't remember as I was in the loo) it seemed slightly unjust!

4 - 4 and our big guns to draw on! Well I mean our big guns and me. I was hoping for the first three singles to take it 7 - 4 then I wouldn't need to win on last!!!

Dunston (Al) up first and gets away first throw with his classic middle of the 20 marker followed by double top. A tight finish to the leg but a victory nevertheless! 5 -4 and all of us are getting pumped up now! Skip (Craigo) was up next looking to secure the draw and improve a little on his doubles display. A professional job done to get down to the double and BOOM! 6 - 4. Sensing victory (provided Serious (Matt) could win his match) we supported our player like a gladiator about to be mauled by a lion. Trouble starting in this leg saw the ever popular P Broggs take the advantage in the leg and he was first to the double. Two darts wasted and we were praying Serious (Matt) could finish off the job after hitting a 140 to leave a 78 finish. 18 hit, yes. . . . .20 hit, yes. . . . SH#T! the double top was blocked. 1ft to the right or 2ft to the left were his options? The difficult option to the left was chosen and we all held our breath (well mainly me as I was up next) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The dart was released and it seemed like ages to hit the board. a turn of the head from serious and a Bob Anderston style figure in my direction was evidence enough that we had secured an emphatic victory with one match to go and hopefully improve our leg difference!

Result 7 - 5 (I wonder what happened in the final leg?)

Keep this up boys

Capt Cob (Linx)
Vice Skip

POT BLACK 'B' V'S K.W.M.C

(Bill Oddie manages to capture a rare picture of the Thommo)

Another week, another match, another two points, but its not getting any easier! This week we entertained the Working Mens Club in a tough close fought battle.

We got off to a good start with Lurch and Fester scaring the opposition into submission, followed by Ozzie and Quiff taking us into a 2-0 lead with the dream team of Nick-Names and the Legend to go. This pair didn’t let us down (until the finishing double that is) playing really well but not winning the game. 2-1 up and a treat for ornithologists to follow with Eagle Eyes Moyse playing with a Lesser Spotted Tommo. The treat didn’t last long though with another loss taking us to 2-2. Into the singles with Yiddo up first and playing really well once he got away, which was unfortunately about 12 darts after his opponent (another Yid John Marjoram) and we were soon 3-2 down. What was needed next was a really good solid game from Oz. What we got was a game of two halves. The first half saw him proverbially unable to hit the rump steak area of an Aberdeen Angus with a stringed instrument as featured in Deliverance, sending me to the bar for a much needed Carling fix. As soon as I stopped watching he suddenly kicked into gear, played really well and got us back to 3-3 (note to self, when Oz is playing its best not to watch!). Next up was Bungle with a solid game and an excellent attempt at a 144 finish, just missing double 18 but holding out to take us to 4-3. Time for the Legend to step up but an uncharacteristic less than convincing game saw us back to 4-4, soon followed by Moysie losing as well to take us to 4-5. Last three on and a bit of Deja-Vu as it was the same three as last week, Shoot-em-up, Hos and Quiff. A few darts later and there was the triple salko that signalled the win for Dave. Two to go and needing them both to win, same as at the Marquis and, as before both managed to hold their nerve and gain us another win 7-5.

We may have ground it out with the overall standard not being that great but we are clocking up the points and strengthening our position.

Well done boys, away next week to the Sea Breeze, lets see if we can keep it going.

Al the best

Quiff