SNAILS REPORT

We could do with someone else stepping up to the plate and putting themselves forward to do the darts write up's in the future to give me and Jnr Wall a rest. We desperaterly need someone this week as I will be working and so will be unable to attend. (Don't all cry at once)

I really could have done with someone doing it this week as i can't really remember what happened or who done what but here goes anyway. A good place to start is to inform you that like every game previous after the fours and the pairs the scores are predictable 3 a piece! Notable performances came from Ash 'Chris Griffin' and Liam 'Missile' Harvey in winning their doubles along with Jamie 'Where your crutches gone?' Butcher, after much barracking from partner Peado Wall about how useless Butch had been, carrying Wally to victory! I was so bad even Jason 'Shaggy, I checked out 9 last week' Russell out shone me although his shoulders weren't quite broad enough to get us a win.

Single's ermmmmmm? Well seeings that my memory is a little vague i'm going to have to pick out the few snippet's I can recall along with using a little bit of intuition. On that note I presume Mick 'I don't believe it' Meldrew Wall must of lost like every week. Daaaaaaarrrrrren 'I will win a singles match one of these weeks!' WON a singles match! It has to be said he did play a blind man who fought in the First World War though, who also found it hard to throw whilst holding his Zimmerframe, but well done Daaaaaaarrrrrrrren.

Another tense game was on the cards as the scores were tied at 5 each but once again whether the Pot Black boy's lost their bottle or not is up for debate. Other than the Sun Dream Team Star Man Ashleeeey!!!!! Each player who stepped up to the oche was out classed by their opponent and the Pot Black dissapointingly lost another tight match 8-6.

Chris Griffin wanted me to emphasise that he had won all three of his matches because he's all about the team and not just personal achievement (T*sser!!)

Sorry for the vague write up but if you think you can do better, you know what to do!

Next Match Away @ Queens Head

(P.S Wally may have won again???)

OUR YEARLY DAY OUT!!!!

After continual earache from the "corner-crew" on a Friday night the arrangements are in place for our annual sports and "doing-yer-nuts" day at Yaarmouth Dogs.All darteteers who represent the club are invited but there is a numbers limit!!! The function room at YAAARmouth only holds 30 people so its "first-come" first served!(should suit YOU lot if what your wife says is true!!!")

THIS FANTASTIC DAY OUT WILL BE ON,

SATURDAY 8TH AUGUST

The itinerary is as follows:-
The two captains ATKO the Quiff(can anyone remember his team ever winning anything)
and one of the Harrods (the sensible one or the gobby one!) will have a playground pick at 12 midday in the CLUB!
After the teams are sorted we will wander up to the Thatched Cottage for the putting compo! Then by coach to the Regent Bowl(picking up the Quiffs glove and ball on the way)to get ripped off at Bowling. It's ironic to see such large, butch, hairy arsed guys, throw bowling balls like a geriatric fairies!!That reminds me, where did Paul Gally disappear too!!
Then, after a few more drinks, hopefully paid with your money,make our way to the Dogs to have a few more drinks, waste any money you have left(least we haven't got to listen to Thommo bragging about how much he's winning) and some GRUB!
This year it's not a Buffet but a BARBI!!!
The Dogs for entry, free drink, and Barbi in the executive lounge is £20!
I reckon that's a great deal! Most of the coach will be by the card money so the putting, bowling and bets (and drinks) will be paid on the day!
Give your £20 to me our behind the bar and your place is booked!!!!
I suppose the young and raw (crap) dart players who have represented the Club this season this Summer are now Bona-Fida members of the elite P B Dart Society.
The other thing to remember is some cotton wool for your lugs on the journey home as we all now what Billy Bungle Bennett is like after a few sherbets!!!

THE WRITINGS ON THE WALL

This week the Pot Black "nearly men" were entertaining the Uplands. It was established during the week that Butchers leg had actually fallen off so he couldn't make it, Birdy was doing some bonding with the in laws to try and earn a new goldfish after he had negligently let the other two die and Jason APPARENTLY had walked into the sea to try and find one of his AWOL darts (nobody has seen him since). Simon (steady straight dart) Blyth and Billy (shy) Bennett deputised for the misfits.

The games started much alike to previous weeks with the fours being shared (4th week running I believe). The scoring was particularly horrendous in the 1st leg, with Darren even capable of chalking without the aid of anything! After the doubles Pot Black found themselves in unknown territory, 4-2 up!!!! The tension could be cut with a knife in the 1st doubles (not because of the pressure situation, but due to the volatility of Senior Wall being put with Junior Wall). After countless darts at doubles, Junior failing to hit the board on occasions and Senior looking like he was about to explode, they pulled through on double 1. Billy (shy) Bennett and Darren (sober) Laws stormed to victory with a performance reminiscent of the 1959 womens darts doubles champions Norma Stitts & Tess Steckle before Ash (Chris Griffin) and Liam (drunken missiles) Harvey got turned over in poor fashion. Steady Simon showed some nifty finishing but complained of a bad back after somewhat carrying his partner Aaron (kamikaze) Cooper to the last doubles win.

The singles went pretty much to plan, with experience coming out above youth. Junior Wall and Kamikaze Coops got stuffed in their singles before Steady Simon beat Trigger from Only Fools & Horses to leave the match poised at 5-4 to the Black. Daz (tee-total) Laws played a bloke who looked like a rottweiler being teased with a bone...the result was inevitable, he got chewed and spat out like no tomorrow to leave the scores tied. Senior (angry) Wall was up next, and after an entertaining leg, he somewhat fell under the pressure and buckled to leave PB 6-5 down. Ash restored faith with a cameo performance which lifted the players and supporters alike to an incredulous level before a brief caffufle from hooligans in the lounge (Liam "lager lout" Harvey and "Old DORIS) lead to a brief delay which only added to the tension for the next two legs. Billy (I'm watching the cricket) Bennett strode up and showed his class with a solid performance that was worthy of his £5,000 pounds a week worth of beer signing on fee to leave hopes of the youth team plus the Peado's first ever victory!!

It came down to Liam "lager lout missile vice captain I cheat on the card I've won every week so far" Harvey to lead his troops to an unlikely victory. With a number of darts at double 16, double 8 and double 4, he had chances! But the pressure told (or the alcohol) and Pot Black are left to rue another missed chance!!

No high quality darts this week, but another impressive result. Who would have thought we'd only have a -2 against legs at the turning point of the season!!

No game on Friday- free week.

Peace Out

Senior Wall is now reading this with an anger that people only rarely see (every few hours). Anybody unlucky enough to be in his vicinity I sincerely apologise to! Yes he did win his singles!! But for the sake of the report, we will keep up his 100% loss ratio!!

Happy chucking

CHRIS GRIFFIN'S TAKE ON PROCEEDINGS

This week the Pot Black Lads and Wally were off to the Dutchmans, we came into the game trying to bounce back from last weeks close game against the Queenshead which we were edged out 8-6.

The quads and doubles were once again shared 3 a piece with the most notable performance coming from the Pot Black Dream Team; Ash (off the board) Moore and Jason (10p) Russell, with the leg being very close Ash pulled out a massive 117 to leave Jason an easy checkout............ 9. Jason then stepped up and done something which amazed everyone...... checked out with 2 darts!!

The usual pairing of Jamie (Hop-a-Long) Butcher and Mick (Victor Meldrew) Wall were up, before the leg Wally was bickering about carrying Butcher through their double matches in previous weeks, this must of spurred Butch on as he was nailing the 20’s consistently and with Mick peppering the 1’s it was beginning to look like a one man team. Eventually Butch checked out 38 to Micks relief.

The singles began with the star man from last week Liam (Cannon Darts) Harvey, the pressure was on after his high standard last week and unfortunately he couldn't cope and lost a close leg giving them a 4-3 lead.

Next up was Aaron (All over the board) Cooper, with most people accepting defeat before he even threw a dart there wasn’t much pressure on Aaron, which probally helped him as both players gradually got down to a double, the atmosphere started to grow as everyone started to believe the unthinkable could happen, Aaron win a singles!! With both players having 12+ darts at a double, it was anyones to win. Remarkably Aaron kept his nerve and took out double 16 and the place erupted!! We were tied 4-4 and starting to dream of our first win as Max(Please, Please can i play now!)Wall won comfortably against one of their better players giving us a 5-4 lead. But our dreams started to fade as we lost the next two singles, with Ash losing a close one against there best players (again) and Darren (Easily our best player but can't win a leg.....whateva Darren!)) Laws lost another close leg with both players having number of chances at a double but couldn’t take his chances.

We were now 6-5 down and up stepped our 100% singles man Jamie(Casualty) Butcher and once again showed his class and nerve in putting us back on level terms with 2 legs to play. We were starting to fancy our chances again with Wally Senior and Birdy still to play. Up first was Flick Wall, Having played very well during the leg and got down to 88, his dart bounced out and to his disgust his second dart broke mid-flight “I don’t believe it!” He couldn’t recover from that moment of bad luck and lost the leg. So it was down to Adam (James Wade) Bird to get us the draw we deserve, it was a close leg with both players scoring consistently but Birdy unfortunately fell just short and lost the leg and so we lost another close match 8-6 never the less it was good performance by all.

Next Match – Home to the Uplands

Ash (Off the board) Moore

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Just a little note from the Snail

Unfortunately (for the other team) I was unable to make this last game but I was kept up to date with events from Jnr Wall.

So I Quote from a text from Wall "I went 135, 60, 45, 81, 95. The bloke went 125, 85, 51, 100, 60 and checked out lol handy best leg of my life and lost!"

Now I'm not sure if you've noticed Master Griffin but I think this means Max LOST!

A similar mistake was made by Jnr Wall himself when he accidently (on purpose) chalked up a defeat for Victor Meldrew in his report when Flick Wall clearly won.

I applaud you all for the write up's but is there any chance of anyone staying sober enough to remember who won what or not as the case may be? Stupid Question.... OF COURSE NOT!!!