Return of the Gunslinger

Third game of the season and our first home match, against the KPSCCSSPSCCSC. Having missed the first two games due to holiday, or lack of match fitness, our very own gunslinger Dave (shoot-em-up) Stride was back to bolster the team in search of our first win of the year.

Despite Dave’s return we were still a bit tight for numbers with a few absentees, noticeably Tommo (Hogmanay), Steve Northfield (Yom Kippur) and Paul Gallagher (Ipswich Town class of ’78 reunion). We had 9 available on the night but Wally decided he did not wish to play so we went with a straight 8.

First up were Moysie and Oz who went down and they were followed by Myself and Hos. This proved to be a second loss which could have been a lot better if Hos had a partner. There is a phrase that sums up how I played but I can’t quite remember it (something to do with the words “cows” “arse” and “banjo”). Obviously there were no whinging excuses (but if I ever catch the toe-rag who nicked my darts he’ll be for it!). So we are now 2-0 down and generating about as much crowd interest as a home game at Carrow Road when it was time for our in-form pair of Bungle and the Legend to take to the oche. We were very lucky they were there as neither of them had a pair of trousers to wear. Fortunately the problem was solved as Ronnie Corbett is performing in the area and they managed to borrow a couple of pairs from him (at least they covered their knees!). These reliable players did not disappoint and pulled it back to 2-1. Next up was Paul Tyler playing with Dave Stride making his season debut. A close game saw it all come down to a finishing double and after several attempts each, Shoot-em-up went for double two. After two darts on the wire, the third found its mark right in the corner. It was so close that Dave himself was not even sure it was in, so we were not treated to the usual flambuoyant finish of a Robin Cousinsesque triple salko into a handshake.

At least the scores were now level but the standard had been so poor Wally was starting to wonder why he elected not to play. The singles started with good wins for Eagle Eyes and Lurch but we were soon pegged back following losses for Shoot-Em-Up and Bungle. Our 2 game lead was restored by Oz followed by me (redeeming myself after the C*!p doubles game and even finding a 76 finish), before Hos lost to leave it all on the last game for a win. Cometh the hour, cometh the legend! Goeth the game, goeth the Legend! Trev on last couldn’t find a win so we finished with a second consecutive draw.

Question – how do you win a game of liar dice in the “B” team?
Answer – start the game while the Captain is still signing the card and has to miss out. First game to Bungle, second to me, that’s the third in two weeks now, come on boys!

See you next week
Quiff

p.s don’t forget the big Yarmouth excursion next Saturday.

POT BLACK 'A' NEW SEASON

(CAPTAIN COBS LOG)

Well, Spank my bum and call me Tiffany! The winter darts season is here already!

Much happened to anyone over the summer? I've been away on Craigo's (skipper) stag do in Southampton which most of the 'A' team attended. So much to talk about from the stag, that I'll need to do a separate page on this, BUT . . . . . . . . In summary, the highlights were:-

Night 1
Drunk alcoholic beverages!
Went to Jonglers night club/comedy store and saw the Croatian Penfold from danger mouse!
Drunk more alcoholic beverages, including test tube shots.

Found the walkabout bar, and drunk even more booze!

Day/Night 2
Breakfast boat race with WKD blue (cheers for that Hud)!
Went to the 20/20 cricket semis and final in traditional attire!
Drunk lots of alcoholic beverages!
Watched Kelvin (Liquids) consume £35 worth of food during the day!
Listening to Bumble say "The Circus is in Town"
The taxi firm messing up the pick up time/point and Paul (Hud) leaving others to sort out his mess!
Leaving me (Captain Cob) back at the hotel to watch an episode of Benidorm, with my brother staring in it. . . . . Mr Vegas!
One drink for the others, kebab, and sleep (well worth going out!!!!!!)

Day/Night 3
Wake up, have breakfast quickly in case PH has another boat race lined up!
Walk for hours sweating in the baking heat.
£20 out of the kitty to purchase a G&M cricket set from Argos.
Shaft Me (Capt Cob) with the worst bunch of cricketers in the world and get stuffed.
Kelvin disappears to the hotel as exercise and heat take its toll!
Finally find a bar with air conditioning and consume several bottles of strawberry cider.
Back to our favourite night club (walkabout) for Snake-bite Sunday and a foam party.
Watching Fluffy (Foamy) go back to school as he leads a gang of helpless idiots into the mouth of the foam machine, known to most of us as. . . . . EXTREME FOAM!

Right then, back to the darts! After all, this it what the blog is for!

Tricky game to start the season with LTFSC. Plenty of players again this year and our latest addition to the team (fresh from his initiation at Craigo's Stag) England International, Craig George (aka. SMASHER). Glad I wasn't captain for this week, that's why your best player should always be captain! Just before the opposition arrived the 'weekend sportsman' turned up, fresh from drinking with his work colleagues from around 16:00 (this may prove to be a factor later on!). Hud was now fully refreshed for his early drinking as he had 'cheated' by having a KFC. His excuse was he had to pay the taxi driver somehow (GOTTSFREECABS.COM) and that he was allowed to eat as it was just gone 'quarter to fluff'!

The draw was done! No room for the new lad SMASHER (he was away next week) and HUD was on last in case we needed him for a draw or victory (he'd be lucky to stand up, let alone throw a dart)!!! High starts seemed to be the order of the day, especially Kelvin's (Liquids) 150 start as he was my partner! We did secure a decent start and took the doubles 4 - 0. The singles followed on from the doubles as we soon made our way to victory winning the first three singles matches. Further wins followed as the Pot Black 'A' seemed unstoppable and raced to 11 - 0 lead, with only our secret weapon to go!!!!

5 minutes passed before we heard . . . . . . . . YOU ARE THE ONE AND ONLY, and the first Chesney of the season goes to Hud! We finished with some rather average performances but all fairly comfortable wins, especially for Karl Bryant! Only 4 high scores recorded this week boys (BOO!) and I think they might have all been high starts!

Other noticeable performances on the night:-
Hud's 5 of a kinds at liar dice which destroyed me! But a decent win for Bardy against Craigo in the final.
Hud's Kebab spilt in GOTTSFREECABS as he struggled to control his limbs at this point! He did manage to get out at his house (leaving the mess behind) and co-ordinate well enough to push Fluffy (Foamy) into a hedge while he was taking a leak!
I kept falling asleep in GOTTSFREECABS, but managed to wake up every time my Pizza box felt like it was going to fall!

Thanks for driving as usual Gottsy! See all of you guys again next week.

Linx (Capt Cob)

In attendance:
Linx (Capt Cob), Flatty (Fluffy/Foamy), Craig (Craigo), Paul (Hud/PH/Weekend Sportsman), Adam (Rooney/Shrek), Kelvin (Splat/Liquids), Spence (Sheepy), Craig G (Smasher/Chins), Matty (Serious/One size fits all), Darren (Gottsy/DG), Lee (Hurricane/Dead Beat), Alan (Dunston), Danny (Bardy), Eddy (Natural).

CRAIGO'S STAG WEEKEND

In late July 10 of us embarked on Craigos stag which could have easily be described as the a teams pre season tour
3 days of drinkin brought us with many laughs and plenty of ammunition for the coming season.

DAY 1.

After meeting around 9.30am in Rainbow car park the early incidents were to expected, as the usual suspects did not disappoint. Kelvin 'Splat' Self was late, myself 'the weekend sportsman' forgot the sat-nav and was, as per usual hungover, but was joined in this by the other air show drinkers, new signing Smasher George who chucked up on the curb after about 10 mins driving, Gav 'Number 10' Chillo and Danny 'Bardy' Bardwell who warmed up by only getting home from the previous days muff diving activities at 8.30 in the morning. A quiz was written out for us for the journey by Pot Black 'Snail' Chris Read and was won by the team of Hurricane Hitcham, Chillo, Weekend Sportsman and 'Cob on Clown' Ryan 'Stinkler' Lincoln mainly due to the handicap system put into place to prevent the newly named Gary 'Foamy' Flatt from whooping our butts. A joint low score was achieved, and to decide who had to do the forfeit of eating breakfast in full clown attire Foamy and Splat faced off in a paper/scissors/stone battle which was won by Foamy 3-2 in a tense encounter. We then moved onto a few bars and visited jongleurs comedy club which was absolutely hillarious but very expensive as everyone decided to go nuts on shots, the girl selling them seemed to be hanging around alot! i thought it was a little strange that she decided to give me a kiss, 30 f'in quid that cost me. We ended up in the Walkabout bar and had the usual quiet one, as there was to be a big one the next day(I think not). Someone had to be a complete loser and go home first. Thanks Gary 'Foamy' Flatt for being that loser it has given us plenty of ammunition for the coming weeks. Im not sure what time this inexperienced drinker sneaked off but the whisperings around the camp were that it was still day light. Dont worry mate you can drink with Splat next time. Notables on this were Gavin 'Number 10' Chillo who spent most of the later hours trying to pull a bird who was clearly not interested and quote of the day may just have come from the comedian 'Do you know what im gonna do with this meat? IM GONNA PUT IT ............ON THE SCALE!'

DAY 2

We all met at the breakfast table though when I rang a certain Mr Bardwell he replied 'I dont eat breakfast' and didnt want to come, unfortunately for him I had his breakfast with me it was wet and and 5%-Alcohol! we opened up the days proceedings with a boat race at the breakfast table and despite constant whining everyone performed very well apart from number 1 whinger Ryan 'Cob on Clown' Lincoln who was last on the losing team and took the liberty of sipping his in between moans, I would say this was a close run thing but I'd be lying, the winning team consisted of 'Weekend Sportsman', 'One Size Fits All' Hook, Splat, Fluffy and dead beat,well done to 'One Size Fits All' Hook for an excellent effort and Splat who managed to drink twice as much in half the time of everyone else, thank god he cant drink no more. All those not already in clown attire proceeded to get changed, I must say a great effort was made by all on their costumes although predictably Andy Pandy (Weekend Sportsman) seemed to be getting the most stick cheers lads. Good job i can take it 'I'm the best in the world'!
Enough of this and off to the cricket. A good start a nice free taxi ride as apparantley I had already paid for this in advance on my card which I had not even given them the details too (winner!) but I do wish they would stop ringing me about this, get the message im not gonna answer! Many thanks to the security staff who took 2 water pistols, bubbles and silly string off me on entry. The bastards! spoiling my fun, but even still what a good day apart from the extreme heat which no one appreciated but all put up with well, although one person seemed to whinge more than others, no prizes for guessing who, Cob On did not let us down. We enjoyed 3 great matches, done some interviews, got on telly, posed alot, drunk lager and a jolly good time was had by all. The bar shut for an hour so i had a carefully planned nap, oh yes planned! Dont believe what you hear! Hooky nearly burst out of his top, some homeless guy turned up and Middlesex won! well played. Off to the hotel a quick change and out for a drink, although it was late nearly everyone made some sort of effort except Cob On who could have come out but didnt so got the expected stick. They dropped like flies on this occasion as 'Number 10' Chillo, Hooky, Splat and Hurricane all took an early bath. A special mention to Hurricane who would not stop whingeing about wanting a JD and coke so i caved and got it for him. I thinks its still on the table now!thats lost points! and Fluffy who managed to stay up way past his bed time (he was determined not to be the first on this occasion). The 5 who stayed out drunk a few shots and had a few lagers but everyone was dead and off to bed we went via the local gourmet restaurant. Mmm 'chilli sauce my friend?'


DAY 3

Tired and a little hung over we all hit the park armed with a Michael Vaughn cricket set for the weekends big event. What a disaster i picked the worst team ever and we got stuffed by a innings and about a million in a low quality cricket match. My team consisted of all rounder Kelvin 'Splat' Self who couldnt bat, bowl or field and 3 complete non batsmen Myself, Smasher and Chillo, the one shining light for us was Cob On who just 'thought' he was absolutely brilliant well played mate? the winning team of Hooky, Craigo, Foamy, Hurricane and Bardy scored more for the first wicket than we got in two innings, Boo! Shot of the day went to Hurricane Hitcham who played a cracking straight drive, he creamed this right out of the middle it was going like a rocket until ????????????????? he made an error he hadnt allowed for the fact that the worlds greatest sportsman was at the bowlers end this mans record in sporting events is second to everyone, none other than me! Paul 'Weekend Sportsman' Harrod stood between Huricane and sporting greatness, I stuck out a right arm and this scud missile hit my hand at EXTREME(remember this word it may pop up later) pace and it sticks, I've caught it!!!! I'm the best in the world!!!!!!!!and off i went in a celibration that Monty would have been proud of.
A quick change at the hotel and this tired bunch popped off for a few quiet beers or so we thought. We found a bit of air-con enjoyed a few cherry ciders, woo woos, lagers, several shots and some nice food and wine and remarkably everyone was cured! Up for a big one ?
Yes was the answer, where shall we go on a sunday nite in Southampton when everything was shutting? you guessed it!
It was Snakebite Sunday in Walkabout bar and what luck! last Sunday of the month is Foam Party Snake Bite Sunday. Anyone fancy it? at this stage certain people seemed more excited than others the then named Fluffy was particuarly keen as was One Size Fits All Hooky. So off we went! via a couple more drinking establishments. We entered the Walkabout bar and the magic foams powers began to take effect on 1 certain individual, a nearly 40 year old accountant turned into a 16 year old school boy with a bald patch!, Fluffy was a new man he was amongst this foam and you could not drag him away! rolling about on the floor, touching up 6 foot 5inch black blokes, much like my cricket side, this man had no boundries! But little did we know this man had another plan he had spotted something that other lesser mortals had missed! If you go to the front you could experience EXTREME FOAM!!!!!!(der der deeeer) he rounded up his troops and led them fearlessly through the crowds nothing could stop him he was on the rampage until he reached the front and ecstacy was reached he was in his element he had found EXTREME FOAM!yes EXTREME FOAM!! havent took the piss much!!! well done to everyone as we all drank shed loads and stayed till the bitter end. Poor performances on this evening were Hooky who refused to drink snakebite and Chillo who refused to drink everything!

Thanks to everyone who attended it was a great weekend! a few things to clear up though.

*Well done Chillo for being sick on the M25 at 90mph on the way home good work !
*Brilliant out fit by myself for being the only gay looking clown!
*Splat for eating £40's worth of food at the cricket
*Gary Flatts take on fishing 'Id rather chop off my head'
*Hooky on his love for Gemma 'Id like to put her through the wall'
*Splat losing his camera in the bog whilst havin a number 2
*A big thanks to Hitcham for the photos
*Thanks Chillo, Hurricane, Fluffy and Splat for driving
*Happy 21st Smasher

DRINKING RANKINGS

1. CRAIG(STAG) -drank everything put in front of him and experienced every minute of the weekend a sterling effort. Hope you enjoyed yourself.
2. BARDY-this experienced drinker never disappoints and has been a valuble drinking partner for myself all over the world. Cheers mate! he did have a coke on day 2 though bad form!
3. FLUFFY-go on I'll let him have 3, always a great laugh but can be a bit of a twat though! ha ha
4. SMASHER-a good effort by the debutant considering his 1st day hangover! earned his stripes with his help in fetching and organising rounds with me on nights 1 and 2, cheers for your help mate!
5. HOOKY-cheers mate very funny especially the party boy and one size moments! good work on all the strawpedos!
6. HURRICANE - Cheers for the photos! Definitely lost points on the JD moment but thanks for contributing to my greatest sporting moment!
7. STINKLER- he doesnt mind what rank he is so he can go here though im sure he will get a Cob On about it! Cheers for the help with the drinks on the last night bud!
8. SPLAT-cant drink no more but when he could he liked it!alot!
9. I was gonna go last as I dont need a ranking because im an alcoholic and no one will dispute that! but had to go ninth cause Chillo was soooo shit. I only go home early on stags if im in an ambulance! cant wait for the next one guys!
10. CHILLO-absolutely shocking did you wanna leave anymore drinks! if you wanna start training with me I can be found at the pub twice a week! Mon - Wednesday and Thurs- Sunday!

many thanks!
Paul 'Weekend Sportsman' Harrod
(founder of the 'drink yourself into an early grave society')

THE NEW SEASON POT BLACK B

Greetings darts fans and welcome to the new season.

There has been much activity over the summer with the arrival of two new signings for the Pot Black B. firstly we have Shane Henry who joined on a free transfer as he was available on a bosman. This signing was closely followed by a coup for the B team who fought off stiff competition to sign Trevor (the legend) Gooch from the Pot Black A side, for a fee believed to be in the region of half of lager and a packet of peanuts. following these signings, the teams owner Mick (Roman Abramovich) Wall told sky sports news "these new signings show the ambition of the team to progress within the premier league. I am also pleased to report that no players have left the team, which proves to our supporters that we are not a selling club, and that no other team in their right mind would want them!!!.
The opening game of the campaign saw the team travel away to newly promoted Tudor Rose. The initial expectation of lots of quality players soon faded when we realised on the night that 7 of our players were missing for the season curtain raiser. After much work behind the scenes (Including asking Chris 'Barman' Read if he'd play.....how desperate!!!) we managed to obtain the services of Steve (yiddo) Northfield, who took time out from his busy schedule of moving house to turn up and lose twice. This is the sort of dedication we are looking for.
The match got off to a slow start with Steve (eagle eyes) Moyse and Ozzie (must find a better nickname) Osborne snatching defeat from the jaws of victory after around 128 darts at a double. the match was levelled when yours truly and Paul (lurch) Tyler won and this was followed by a debut win for the legend, ably supported by Billy (bungle) Bennett. The next game saw the first defeat of the night for yiddo, partnered by a disgruntled Mick Wall, who had no excuses apart from the fact that he was not expecting to play and had, therefore, not come out earlier for his usual warm up of several pints.
The doubles finished 2-2 and the first game of singles saw the yiddo put up a very good performance and narrowly lose. Highlight of the game was the near 180 from steve, who followed two perfect 60's with a dart that nearly hit the ceiling.
Good wins followed for Moysie and Oz before yours truly went down in a tough game to a former Pot Black favourite, Steve (piggy) Wylds. Paul (lurch) Tyler then steadied the ship before the legend went down to an excellent game from Dave Newrick. The last two games saw Mick Wall and Billy Bennett go down to leave us with a 7-5 loss and no points on the board.
we expect to see the return of some absentees next week and hope to kick start the season.
see you next week.

Quiff