B-TEAM REPORT

After a reasonable run of results we had a tough game last Friday against the Hearts of Oak B. Always a difficult game made much harder by trying too hard to win games to stop them bloody singing!

Looking at their team sheet, we knew it was going to be a tough night particularly with them strengthened (???) by an old Potty favourite in Jarvo.

Anyway we needed to kick off and fight off the songs (maybe we should have some for ourselves, just a thought, Naaaaaa) and see if we could keep our run of good results going.

First on in the doubles was Ozzie (aka magoo) partnered with Yiddo (di di de de de di di de de de di di de de de di di di OY!) who were behind for most of the game until two tons and a quick finish saw them snatch a great win. Glynn and Hos were on next and we knew Shawn was going to be in trouble as soon as we spotted the curtains pulled back that usually protect the board. I am not sure whether he was quaking with fear or building up his anger but there were a few strong glances aimed at the aforementioned soft furnishings. Boy were they going to get it if things didn’t go right. Not sure whether this was a distraction or whether it was Paul Philips 2 140’s but we were soon back to level at 1-1. Moysie then tried hard to carry a slightly-lacking-in-confidence Shoot em up but despite his best efforts we lost the game and went behind. It seems a long time since we have been able to revel in the joy of the famous Stridey pirouette into a handshake. Looking forward to that coming back. Fortunately the last pair struggled to start making it fairly comfortable for yours truly and Bungle to level it. A good game from the legend that is Goochy was followed by a struggle for Bill and a tame game from Moysie, with a 180 from, yes you guessed it, Jarvo being the telling throw to put us 4-3 down. Good back to back wins from Me and Clint were followed by Glynn on seventh to get us the 6 games to secure a point. In between this Hos had an excellent chance but couldn’t finish and Ozzie on last had the same problem.

They were singing at the end celebrating the draw. Okay we couldn’t stop them but it was quite satisfying to hear that they were happier with the draw than we were. This was much better from us, a good performance and better darts than we had been playing and another good point on the board.

By the way, if any of you are concerned I can assure you that we managed to placate Shawn with the usual medication, lager, and no curtains were harmed during this performance!

This week we had another tough game in prospect with the visit of the football club which has probably been our most consistent tight match for years. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we play it is never more than 7-5 one way or the other with a draw being the most likely outcome. With 10 players to choose from team selection was a bit tricky and the old squad rotation had to come into play with Shawn sitting out the doubles. Having said that I seem to be getting volunteers not to play and I took Clint up on his kind offer due to the fact that we know the doubles are far too early for him.

I left Ozzie and Yid together but unfortunately they couldn’t repeat the heroics of last week and were always behind. Now Ozzie’s inability to see his hand in front of his face has been well documented but it was Clint who had the first magoo moment, not realising that they had hit the finishing double. They had, 0-1. Not to be outdone by Clint, Ozzie took the chalks for Shoot em up and the legend and, true to form, managed a short sighted moment when asked what bed a dart was in. Why bother asking, he hasn’t got a clue! When will you all learn! That aside, they played a good game and got us back level. It was particularly pleasing to see Dave feeling more comfortable with his throw and hitting the finishing double, only to walk gently straight to the board. Where was the spin? Is he unwell? I am sure this will restore his confidence and normal service will be resumed shortly. A tough game for Bungle and me against neil and percy but a very good game, straight in straight out and with some tidy scoring on the way. A new pairing on last with Glynn and Moysie which looked exciting on paper, but only on paper. A bit of a struggle but they came through with hard work to take us 3-1 up. A magoo moment from me cheering one of Moysie’s darts that wasn’t in was followed by more of the same from Glynn and Bungle. This is starting to get worrying, I didn’t realise myopia was contagious but us old farts seem to be on the verge of an epidemic!

They pulled the next one back thanks to a resurgent Barry Cook hitting three tons to beat Moysie, before the Legend, who always seemed in control, lost to an excellent 108 bull finish. Bungle was the next to go under and we were 4-3 down. In the next game I was up against percy and knew it was going to be tough but I wasn’t quite prepared for such a bizarre game. He went off like a train, 120 start, 134, 135 to leave him only wanting 112 with me languishing on 348 and only lacking a convenient towel to throw in. A 140 made it look respectable and a minor wobble from perc only scoring 24 was followed by a 125 from me. Somehow I was back in it. Another slight wobble and he didn’t leave a double leaving me 3 darts at 83 which I managed to bugger up. He missed his 52 finish and I took out 48 to snatch a ridiculous victory. I apologise for the bit of indulgence as I do not like going on about my own games but this one really was bizarre and we were back to level. Hos then got us in front after another group short sighted moment – he was the only one in the pub who realised he had hit the double. Ozzie then had an excellent chance to secure the draw and played superb with three tons but unfortunately the old finishing demons struck again and he let it slip. 5-5 with two games left and it was left to Glynn to secure us the draw with a strong second half to his game. All down to the last game of the night and who would you want going on late? Yep, Clint was comfortably in his time zone and secured us a fine 7-5 win. Another good match and we are pleased with our form at the moment.
Conversation of the week

Now some of you may have noticed that themes of conversation tend to repeat themselves a little bit each week with one of the main subjects being football, not surprising with the much publicised pundit and expert (ex means has been, spurt is a drip under pressure) Bungle, in our team. Whilst most of us are keen and able to contribute to these conversations, we appreciate that it may not appeal to everyone. Most noticeably, our favourite legend, Goochy, is not a particular fan of our national sport and prefers to follow oversized yanks in crash helmets and three tons of body armour throwing an odd shaped object that can’t even really be called a ball around a field. Now we like to give due consideration to all and felt it was only fair that we did some research in order that dear old Trev could feel included talking about his beloved packers who had a good 9-0 away win last time out (see, I told you we had been researching). You should have seen his little face light up as he walked in to find me, Hos bros and Bungle discussing the game, tactics and name dropping. Referring to the tactics of the coach, Mike McCarthy (had to think of Wolves manager Mick to remember that one) the release of players like Montgomery (think of Colin, you get the idea by now) and the skills of players like Donald (the Duck) Driver (more golf) Trev thought he had died and gone to heaven. At this point we wondered if any more players were named after golf clubs and Ready suggested Reg Wedge. We think he was kidding but if that is not someones name it really should be. We might have got a bit confused with some of the names (Al Habsi or something equally terrorist sounding and Clay Pigeon) but we certainly made the effort. Billy in particular deserves special praise for attempting to fully understand the finer points of the game although he did seem to get a
bit confused when thinking about being taken from behind because he was worried about his tight end. Apparently he would have felt more comfortable if he had a wide receiver! Anyway, let it not be said that we are not prepared to go out of our way to ensure everyone is happy in the b team.

Away next week to the Ole Frank, I’ll see you soon.

Atko.

POT BLACK A VS EX SERVICEMAN'S

(NOT SURE OF THE LETTER BUT ITS NOT HG)

Hi all another week and another debacle in the season of PH and Nicky Lark.
The score was 8-4 Me and Snatural lost a doubles and we both lost our singles so that's 3 but to be fair they were already lost so that means the other loser is technically a CHESNEY!!!! yep I make the rules!!!!!!!!
congratulations to GAVIN DIRTY PEEK for getting a chesney on friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be fair there's not an awful lot to say other than that and the scores are below. Skip continued his improving form and popped in a maximum and a 17 dart game. Penfold hit a couple of high scores sandwiching in a massive score of 13 in between , very consistent Penfold!!!!!!
Oh there was one moment I suppose I better reluctantly put on here! needing 59 to win our doubles we were in with a sniff!!!!!!!!! up I stepped, can I save mine and Eddies bacon???? I stick my first dart smack in the middle of the bed - the 18 bed, I switch my attention to double top because clearly 59 subtract 18 is 40 ooooooooohhhh just on the wire- BRRRIIIILLLIIIIAAANNNTT. I cant even go for the right finish now!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR F*** SAKE.

other things to report are that LINX didn't show up, he saw the letters ex ser.... and did a runner as he thought it was a big game!!!!!!!!!!
Fluff drove as he was a pooooffffffff
Smasher did not leave anyone on the curb this week.
Chilly didnt turn up in case he spent money.

Skip and Bardy won - Bardy 140
me and Eddie lost
Penfold and Smasher won - Penfold 125,140
Peek and Hook won - Peek 125, Hook 140

Serious won
I lost
Skip won - 180 17 darter!
Smash won - 125
Eddie lost
Penfold won
Peek lost
Bardy won - 121

I have to talk about last weeks convo as Eddie The Stig Lark undertook his driving lessons due to driving at excessive speed. Eddie was amazed that firstly he had to be on time for this event- Cant believe it!!!!! He thought he would be surrounded by young whipper snappers in order to make himself feel younger but alas no, It was just a group of guys having mid life crisis's thinking they are storming round in their Ford Capri's. Anyway he has now been taught how to check his Speedo and apparently he is fit to return to society.

Well what's next on the agenda? oh yeah Gavin Dirty Peek....... not since Bardy achieved this exceptional feat have I heard of someone being sick on the super league bus, one Jager bomb and the boy is gone. So ill the next day he had to keep running to the van to be sick he must be the worst carpet fitter ever!!! chundering all over the thing as he is putting it down, What a way to christen the new carpet!.

Gotts Watch

A black BMW had been spotted driving away from many incidence of peeping toms this week.
On Wednesday Gemma Raven explained how she was getting ready for a night out when she heard heavy breathing outside her bedroom window, she screamed but her father got outside just in time to see a black BMW with a baby on board sticker in the back. Gotts spot? unsure.

The second lady Petula from Beaumont Road also heard heavy groaning outside the window as she showered and called the police- you know Beaumont road, just up from Meadow way......... Right near Shelleys florist shop!!!! Anyway no official sighting was confirmed but a ping golf glove was found near the scene of the crime.

Daphne 81years old from Short Lane said she was sure a dog walker was pointing binoculars up at her window as she dressed for her bowls match!!!!!!!! Short Lane? Its along The Street you know Just up from The Red house......you know just round the corner from Shelley's florist shop. The event was reported to the police and there is now heavy community support officer presence in the area. Anyway I was unsure if these were true Gotts spots and the Gotts would have got away with it but he had to go one step to far. He had to request them as friends on facebook!!!!!!!!! FFS!!!! these were in fact true Gotts spots.

Where's Linx

http://whereslinx.blogspot.com/

can you spot him?

Joke corner

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought.

It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free, having fun and nibbling at the lush grass.

Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?""Yes. Come and join us," they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good, unlike his tasteless food he grew up with. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."

This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?""You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.

"Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys.

"That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here.""I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."

Bungle's promotion dream

Coming soon a brand new feature, Bungle Bennet talks us through ITFC's promotion journey. This guys is the ultimate optimist, he can look at any league table and see and almost elementary route for The Super Blues to gain certain promotion. For the first time this guy's unbelievable knowledge gets published!!!!!!!!!!! join us next week for his first comment.
Just a heads up the quote from Bungle the believer this week '3 wins in a row and we will be up to third' oh he knows his stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend Sportsman
Over and out
(Still dreaming it wasn't a flash in the pan!!!!! I will play well this week I hope!)

POT BLACK A Vs KWMC A

Well everyone's fave a trip to Kessingland, whoopee!!!!!!! for some reason these guys are a fair way down the league but we expected a tough trip as we have historically struggled at this venue.

GOTTS WATCH

The night started as usual, went to Linx's got changed, Fluffy picked us up as he was being a pooooffffffffff and driving, got to the Pot Black opened up a can of whoop ass all over Darren Jedward Hoskins as per usual, strolled in ordered a lager and got some one else to pay for it. All regulation stuff really, then the night went all weird!!!!!!!!!

At approximately 7pm a small spiky haired gentleman with an orange face, chicken legs, a limp, wearing far too much aftershave and a ping t-shirt with jeans ripped at the bottom strolled into the Pot Black Club, people greeted him as DARREN GOTTS!!!!!!! I have to say I didn't believe it, all night I just couldn't have it, there is no way the Gotts could be out on a Friday night, naa not having it, I racked my brain there must be a simple explanation for this weird event, it must be an imposter posing as the Gotts to receive an excessive benefits package, but the sensible side of me was fighting back saying can there really be two people this ugly in the world! Anyway I was at sixes and sevens all night my concentration was ruined, so much so that my brain dis-engaged from my arm and I threw a few decent darts!!!!!!!

Anyway the night was drawing to a conclusion round Dirty's and the cards were out, this imposter was playing and OH MY GOD WAS HE LUCKY!!!!!!! well that eased my mind because ugliness aside here there cant be two people this lucky in the world this was in fact a true Gotts spot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOKE CORNER

There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went.

Guy 1: Yah..I’m originally from Dublin, Ireland

Guy 2: Really?! Me too!

Guy 1: I went to O’Malley Highschool.

Guy 2 : I did too! What year did you graduate?

Guy 1: 1988!

Guy 2: Same here!

A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didnt know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew each other. The bar tender replied, ” Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again.”

JEDWARD ON JEDWARD

My names Shaun and my names Darren- together we are Shaun and Darren

This weeks new feature is a weekly report on the happening of the massive Jedward Uk Tour. Jedward's biggest fans and our own Pot Black Jedward Shaun and Darren Hoskins are travelling every inch of the country following the pop group they adore and they have agreed to give us a weekly rating on the performance of the 2 world famous little ****s. This week Jedward went to the O2 Arena to watch Jedward. Jedward said that it was a great show, the dancing was amazing but the vocals were a bit off due to John having a cold. Shaun said that he thought that John was a right little trooper for battling through and that his determination was one thing that he loved about him, he also said despite the vocals the crowd really enjoyed themselves and he cant wait for next week. Darren said he had a great time but was bit annoyed that his balloon blew out of his hand and he couldnt buy another as they were sold out!!!!!!!!! Despite this he really enjoyed himself and commented that Edwards bottom was looking particularly pert this week!!!!! oooh I say.
Jedward on Jedward rating 7 out of 10.

WHERES LINX

For all those who couldn't find Linx last week, do not despair, you have another chance this week! Click on the link below.... Can you Spot Him?

http://whereslinx.blogspot.com/

THE GAME

Well enough of all this fun I suppose I better actually talk about the game!!!!!!!!!!

Well I have got one more thing, I forgot to mention the excessive drinking that went on the previous Friday!!! Now correct me if I'm wrong but if I was going on a session the first thing that sprang to mind would not be' excuse me barman can I have a half a lager and lime and a vodka and diet coke chaser!!!!!!' 'oh and barman , hold the ice I'm on a session!' cheers Dirty and Penfold for that moment I have photos if I need them for a future p*** take I'm sure you haven't heard the last of this.

Right in summary Ill talk about the game - A good result in what could have been a tough game as we took a 9-3 victory. A solid all round showing as we won 7 out of 8 singles with the obvious loser being Nicky Lark although I will say he was a bit unlucky as he drew treble 19 Cass who went a bit nuts!!!! Ah well I'm gonna dwell on the sympathy he lost again and that's it. I don't want to blow my own trumpet as this just may be a 1 week flash in the pan, but at least it looked as if I had played before this week and hopefully it is a sign of some improved form in the future. Skip noticed that Serious is a better singles player than doubles as he popped in a 142 start in his singles and took a comfortable victory, he took a tape home of his performance but was unlucky he couldn't watch it due to a blown up tv. Penfold popped in the only other high score of the night in the singles as we were never really in danger. The food was exceptional, they had cheese straws and everything!!!!!

The doubles finished 2-2

Skip and Linx won on first

Smasher and Penfold lost on second
Me and Nicky Lark won on third (yep that's won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Peek and Hook lost on fourth
Oh I had a 140 thought I better talk about myself a bit!!!!!!
Into the singles we went at 2-2 we wanted a quick start, we did not want any not needed pressure and we got it as Serious, Linx, ME!!!!!!!!! AND Dirty all won.

Next on The Snatural and with a chance to get a win that actually counted as the game was still on!!! nope he lost!!!!!!!!!!!

That was our loss of the evening as Penfold won chalking up a 121 in the process and Skip and Smasher wrapped up a nice win.

No buca bus this week as we ended up back at Dirtys house. Me and Dirty got fleeced at cards while I set a new world record for the amount of wheat crunchies eaten on the spin!!!!!!!!!! we tucked into our half pints of baileys mixed in with vodka and tia maria- yep they tasted horrific and no I didn't leave any before we had a tour of the house. We popped into the very impressive dart shrine, I was a wee bit concerned that he had a signed photo of Keith Dellar on the wall though!!!! Before playing around with Gavs laser and then looking at his extensive collection of photo's of pussies (catfish - he went on a fishing trip last year). We met a dog which was meant to be the same breed as honey (The Gott's former dog) but it seems Dirtys dog eats sensible portions of food unlike the immortal honey. if your unsure of what I mean the best way I can describe it is Dirtys dog looks like Nicky lark 4 seasons ago and Honey looks like Nick Lark now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We then treated ourselves to a game on the Wii, while Linx and Smasher cuddled up on the sofa with harlie the dog. Pictures will follow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cheers everyone

Weekend Sportsman over and.................................................................. Hang on!!!!!!!! I have a report of an urgent blog moment coming in on the Bat phone!!!!!!!!!

It seems that one of our regular Bloggers is trying to drive Fridays so he can act like an idiot on a Saturday and not get blogged- NOPE NOT A CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEFORE GOLF

At 7.20 on Sunday I get a call on the bat phone I wake a little startled, Its THE FLUFF!!!!!!!!!! Paul I need a lift to golf as Rach won't let me drive, 'ok mate what's happened?' 'dunno mate she has gone all weird'. 'ok not a problem'. Pick the Fluff up and obviously ask what's going on. Fluff is a little confused and I quote 'I wasn't really that drunk last night' ah well I think maybe she has heard about random Sunday morning drink drive tests or something.

AFTER GOLF

I look on my phone to find 5 new texts??? I'm never that popular and there's no way I can pull 1 bird on a sat night let alone 5!!!! what's going on????? Its my partner in crime Linx!!!!!!!!!! It seems he has had the legendary I did not get drunk!!! Fluff on the mobile. 'Linx was I drunk last night?' 'yes mate -quite bad, you were hanging out of the side of the car window trying to be sick, we are not sure if you were, you better check the side of the car'- don't know about you lot but it sounds like he may have been a bit drunker than he thought!?

IN THE CLUBHOUSE

'Paul I've found out why I'm in trouble' 'yes Fluff I know you were hanging out of the car window you pleb!' ' No I don't think she took offence to that I think it was when I passed out on the lawn that really annoyed her!!!!!!!' 'oh that doesn't sound good Fluff' 'Oh it gets better!!!!! The neighbours got woken up and had to collect me off the lawn and put me in the house!!!!!!!! Think that may have sent her over the edge!!!!!!!!!!'
BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIAAAAANNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got to laugh about that one!!!!!!! I get the feeling that Fluff wont be drinking heavily at the beer festival on Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend Sportsman over and out.
(now the second worst dart player in the team)

B-TEAM REPORT

Hello darts fans

Another couple of weeks to catch up on and what a funny couple of weeks they were!
An away trip to the Queens Head followed by a home game against the Ex Servs A and two totally different games.

Firstly at the Queens, we seemed to playing well and found ourselves 5-2 down before we realised it. Oz and Moysie opened up and played a pretty good game right down until the end. To say they struggled to hit a double is a bit of an understatement, between the pair of them they couldn’t have finished a sentence! Needless to say we went one down. Two very good games from Hos and Glynn and Billy and Me got us ahead before Shoot em up and the Midnight Cowboy went on last. With Paul hitting three tons we were hoping to extend the lead but unfortunately they ran out of steam and we were all square at 2-2. before we had time to blink, Glynn (had peaked in the doubles), Oz (still couldn’t finish) and Stridey (unlucky) had all lost and we were behind 5-2. Two good games to pull us back from Hos and Bungle (once he got away) gave us hope but a loss from Paul left us needing the last two games to salvage a point. Fortunately Moysie and Me managed to hold our nerve and we got the point we all felt we deserved.

So to last week and the Ex Servicemens A. Having played well last week, we managed a complete turn around in form on Friday. We managed to win the opening doubles thanks to Billy and Me (well Billy really, no Billy totally) as he was the only one of the four to play well hitting a 140 on the way. The second of the doubles saw Clint and Moysie with a special one-off appearance from Magoo. Yes you’ve guessed it, one of those classic Ozzie short sighted moments that occur every now and then. On this occasion, with their player wanting 108, he threw one dart and asked what he had scored. Now Ozzie knows his eyesight is about as good as a bat with cataracts but he still tried to help and said 15 (treble 5). It was subsequently revealed that he had in fact hit 60 (treble 20) and could have gone for the finish. A brief discussion about the options saw the game continue from where it was and I think it was probably fair that we did in fact lose it to go 1-1. In Ozzie’s defence, there was no caller and we normally do not need them but a word of advice to any visiting teams that may read our blogs. If Ozzie steps up to chalk, please provide a caller, a checker, a spotter, a reserve spotter and someone up the bar with binoculars! Its for your own good! Anyway, after this we had two further wins for Hos and Glynn followed by Oz and Goochy (albeit the latter against 1 man) to give us a 3-1 lead going into the singles. The singles did not start very well with Me (if I pulled them any further to the left I would have to stand in the snooker room to hit the board) Hos (couldn’t start) and Bungle (not great) and we were 4-3 down. A win for Moysie (somehow) and a loss for Clint (played Harry in the best game of the night) and we were 5-3 behind. Good solid wins for Goochy and Oz to get us to 6 -5 and Glynn will claim he went on last and got us the win (no chance they only had seven and it was a walk over).

To sum up the night it must have been the worst darts match we have ever played against each other but somehow we got 2 points to keep us solidly mid table.

Lets hope we can find a bit more form and play better next week. Its nice to win but it feels better if you’ve played well to do it!

Ill let you know
See you soon
Atko

Pot Black A Vs Marquis

Another top of the table clash as a marquis side with a 100% record visited a packed Pot Black club, They left with their 100% record gone!!!!!!! We fielded a weakened side as Linx saw it was a big game and pretended he was away with the missus (you really should not let the fact you jellied it effect your confidence you know). That left a singles space open for me to fill and that seemed to inspire the troops as I was drawn out last and they realized they needed to get 7 early as I cant beat an egg at the minute!!!!!!!!! (Well for the last 2 years actually!).

DOUBLES

Some solid performances early on as we compiled a 3-0 lead and put the nerves to rest for a while!
Dirty and Serious up first. Serious popping in a 107 finish got us off to a flyer. Smasher and Penfold followed that with Smasher producing some of his better darts for a few games in what was to be the first of two decent performances.

Skip partnered The Power Bardwell as we moved ourselves into a nice little lead, Skip on the high scores sheet again with a 140.

In a convincing 3-0 lead and looking to put the game to bed Myself and Snatural stepped up!!!!! The game opened up and there were erratic darts coming from both teams (myself excluded I scored bog all but at least I was in the right area of the board) as the 18 and 12 beds were peppered before Winyard popped up with 2 140's mid game to put them in a position we could not recover from, another loss for me!!!! Brrriiiiilllliiiiaaaannntttt!!!!!!!! I'm not saying I was any good but I have to comment on The Snatural who was particularly horrific in what was to be the first of 2 terrible performances!!!!!!!! Sorry I commented on your improving form last week it has obviously jinxed you!!!!!!!

SINGLES

Into the singles still 3-1 so not the end of the world!

OH that soon turned into 3-3 as Penfold on in the first single's then The snatural followed up his doubles disaster with another performance of the lowest quality!

So its getting tight!! up step Serious and believe it or not, he was pretty serious and played a good game hitting another maximum and a 140 to take us into a 4-3 lead!

Still tight but the Power Bardwell is on next and he plays the norm notching up a 121 and taking us into a 5-3 lead. A good position but its as good as 5-4 with me still to play!

Next up Skip against Alan Baker. Al played a steady game but unfortunately for Skip a 140 was not enough and he could not recover from a slow start.
5-4!!!! Now there's pressure as we need to win the next 2 games, either that or I need to win! Lets be real!! they both need to win!

With the game getting tight Dirty stepped up!!!!!!!! After a shaky start he threw some exceptional darts towards the end checking out 257 with his last 6 darts to get the 6th game of the night!!!!! another beauty of a performance when we needed it!!!! well played mate.

6-5 up and with me on last Daddy Smash (yep the one who lies to people about going out and leaving them stranded on the curb!) knew he had to win to get the 7-5 victory!!!!! I have to say he put in one of his best performances of the season to get the win for the team, getting a 112st and a 125 in the process, great stuff!!!!!

On last was me, the game already won and with several hours mid week practice under my belt I thought I may play ok??!!!........... nope not a chance, I played a load of rubbish, Micky Woll was trying to chuck the game and I compiled a big lead, Don't know how many ahead I was but It was large enough to get about 18 darts at a double before he came down and checked out!!! bbrrrriiiilllliiiaaaannnttt!!!!!!!!! seriously guys I'm even practicing during the week to try stop being so dump but I just cant seem to win!!!!! I suppose it wasn't a bad loss as it would not have counted anyway as the game was won!

The game finished, a few games of table bowls and liar dice went on and then off we popped to OB, Fluff came out so Dirty went home!!!!
Join us next week to find out if Linx jellies, it....... if Smasher lies....... who will go out Fluff or Dirty? if Gotts is spotted!! If I can win a game! I know you cant wait.

JOKE CORNER

An elderly couple was sitting around one evening and the man says to his wife,
"Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary. We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings. But there's something I've always wondered about. Tell me the truth. Have you ever been unfaithful to me?"She hesitated a moment, then said, "Yes, Sidney, three times."
"Three times? How could that happen?" Sidney asks
Marsha replied, "Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were so broke that the bank was about to foreclose on our little house?""Yes, dear, those were really difficult times," replied Sidney."And remember when I went to see the banker one night, and the next day the bank extended our loan?""Gosh, that's really hard to take," said Sidney. "But since things were so bad at the time, I guess I can forgive you. What was the second time?""Well," Marsha continued, "do you remember years later when you almost died of that heart problem because we couldn't afford an operation?""Yes, of course," said Sidney. "Then you will remember that right after I went to see the doctor, he performed the operation at no cost?""Yes, I remember," said Sidney, "and as much as that shocks me, I do understand that you did what you did out of love for me, so I forgive you. So, what was the third time?"Marsha lowered her head and said, "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 62 more votes?"

GOTTS WATCH

A bloke of around 4ft 10 inches high with Jedward type hair was seen checking himself out in a shop window in Great Yarmouth town centre around 1430 on Tuesday!!! Its been said they are pretty sure he was tensing and that his impressive upper body was somewhat overshadowed by the chicken legs!!!!!

A black BMW with a baby on board sticker was seen parked in Leona Crescent on Monday , Wednesday , Thursday , Friday, Saturday and Sunday!!!!! Not sure where it is?, its near Hall road.... you know near Meadow way.... oh come on its near Famona Road...... yeah that's it! just round the corner from Shelley Crossleys florist shop! My source said I don't mind the little **** parking outside my house but I wish he would shut that dog up!!!!!!

WHERE'S LINX

Its a brand new feature again this week as we play a new game!!!!!!! There is no prize but feel free to play, have you heard of 'Where's Wally' well it's even better!!! Its Where's Linx!!!!! Please click on the link below, can you spot him?????????

http://whereslinx.blogspot.com/

Thanks all,
Weekend sportsman over and out
(still ranked the worst dart player in the team but being pushed by Nicky Lark for the title!)

GOTTS WATCH!!!

A black BMW was seen parked outside a McDonalds in Bournemouth from 11pm to 8 am, Our sources say they have never seen so many chicken nuggets eaten in one sitting. The manager said he has ordered an extra box of sweet curry sauce incase the mystery man returns. The RSPCA have asked for witnesses as a beagle was left in the vehicle for 9 hours without water, I believe this to be a true Gotts spot!!!

POT BLACK A 9 LAKE LOTHING 3

Another top of the table clash as they had more points than us at the start of the night so we did not know what to expect. I turned up with my hamster cheeks due to having a very painful wisdom tooth extraction, Linx turned up hoping for a win as he was starting to get on a Harrod /Lark type losing streak and Fluffy just didn't turn up- Poooooofffff!!!!!! Turned out to be a comfortable win after a shakyish bit in the middle sent the scores to 3-3!!!! We had strength at the end as I was 9th man and we secured a comfortable win.

Double's 3-1

As usual I cant remember exactly what happened here apart from the score but I do recall my game so with the scores 1-1!!!!!!! oooh very tense!
Up stepped Me and Penfold against local pro Peter Snakebite Wright. They got off to a flyer opening up with 4 scores while we struggled. Snakebite was getting all too cocky and was just warming up apparently, they were down to a double in no time, Peter was still being very full of himself, in the back round me and Penfold were struggling along. It seems that once warmed up these pro's aren't all they are cracked up to be as they got to a double and could not get it. Me and Penfold had managed to struggle down to a double at this stage and guess what! We struggled then too. But as our local cocky pro was getting more and more warm at this stage he was getting further and further away from a double it was almost like watching Snatural in his joint record breaking loss run last season. In the end as they were jellying it (Yep just like Linx) they didn't ever look like getting it!!! Up stepped Penfold and slipped a sneaky little double 1 in!!!! yey winner- Leg time, A new world record 37 mins 15 seconds.

Into the singles we went, Serious was up against Former Pot Black taxi driver in Kelvin Splat Self. Serious cruised into a comfortable lead but faltered on a double and let the Big Man in , Some might say a mistake but although Splat didn't exactly float he never threw them that straight or checked out that quick when he played for us so Serious is within his rights to claim unlucky in the weekend sportsman's book!! unlucky Serious but you did look a little tired !!!!!!!!
Next up was Dirty against our local pro Snakebite, a very good game, Dirty was a little unlucky being left on tops when snakebite went out- well played mate!!!! I feel the shorter format didn't favor you as he never got warmed up coupled with the few extra drinks prevented him from cocking up his doubles for the second time in the evening as his jelly arm had disappeared!!!!!
So with the scores at 3-3 it looked a little shaky, unlike the previous week the tail wagged in Harmison type fashion!!!

Skip had put up a practice board midweek and it showed as he scored well, even with the hindrance of me shouting out mid throw and just missed a 14 darter before going out next throw.

Daddy Smash took victory still claiming he didn't say he was going out last week!!!!!?????hhhh mmmmmmm!!!!!!!! Anyway he won and then went straight away as he had to go out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you sure you just weren't just saying that to fool us but instead had to get home for a bit of how to look good naked!!???

Linx was boring and broke his losing streak. boooorrriIIIIIIIIIIInnnnggggg, Snatural played pretty decent as his form continues to improve, and Penfold took another victory. Bardy was his normal Power like self and cruised to a win, well played guys yet another tough game next week- keep up the practice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No late night action in OB this week as we stayed in the Lake Lothing until 1 am and got a big fat whooping off Penfold at pool!!!!!!!!!! Dirty stayed out as Fluffy wasn't there and got chatted up by some 60 year olds. All good fun and the bonus was that we got a lift home off Splat free cabs! Winner... anyone seen Smasher? naa mate he has gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOKE CORNER

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second longblack hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.The woman was so curious that she respectfullyapproached the woman walking the dog and said,"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is abad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.Whose funeral is it?""My husband's.""What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women."Can I borrow the dog?""Get in line."

GOTTS WATCH

1. At 6am on Monday a black BMW was spotted dropping off a very plump looking blonde haired woman in the short stay area of Heathrow airport!!!!!!! My source was a distance away but he swears they were wearing matching Callaway jumpers, I believe this could be a true Gotts spot!!!
2. A man was seen wearing dark glasses and drinking a protein shake while parked up in a black BMW around 5pm on Wednesday. I could not be sure if this was a true Gotts spot I asked further questions to verify the location! Beaumont Road, you may know it, its near Famona Road and Meadow Way. Still not sure?!! Ill make it easier for you, Its just round the corner from Shelley Crossley's Florist shop!!! yep this is a true GOTTS SPOT!!!!

THE MADE UP NEWS!

1. Lincoln loses 12 pounds on a diet of cider and ice lollies!
2. Billy Bungle Bennet lets go of his darts in under 2 minutes 25 seconds!
3. Gavin Chillingworth spends some money!!!!!
4. Eddie Lark is the same weight he was 4 seasons ago!
5. Serious found losing his game really enjoyable!
6. Fluffy was spotted out on a training session with his two boys at Butlins! I cant believe the buca bus turned up at the tiger club!! My sources say Ethan and Cameron were a bit shaky on their feet but handled their drink well, unfortunately dad was a let down and had to leave early before chundering on the sofa in the middle of the night.
7. Darren Gotts was spotted actually out!

Thanks guy's see you all Friday

Weekend Sportsman
( Now so bad at darts even Jnr Hook fancies his chances!)