GOTTS WATCH
The night started as usual, went to Linx's got changed, Fluffy picked us up as he was being a pooooffffffffff and driving, got to the Pot Black opened up a can of whoop ass all over Darren Jedward Hoskins as per usual, strolled in ordered a lager and got some one else to pay for it. All regulation stuff really, then the night went all weird!!!!!!!!!
At approximately 7pm a small spiky haired gentleman with an orange face, chicken legs, a limp, wearing far too much aftershave and a ping t-shirt with jeans ripped at the bottom strolled into the Pot Black Club, people greeted him as DARREN GOTTS!!!!!!! I have to say I didn't believe it, all night I just couldn't have it, there is no way the Gotts could be out on a Friday night, naa not having it, I racked my brain there must be a simple explanation for this weird event, it must be an imposter posing as the Gotts to receive an excessive benefits package, but the sensible side of me was fighting back saying can there really be two people this ugly in the world! Anyway I was at sixes and sevens all night my concentration was ruined, so much so that my brain dis-engaged from my arm and I threw a few decent darts!!!!!!!
Anyway the night was drawing to a conclusion round Dirty's and the cards were out, this imposter was playing and OH MY GOD WAS HE LUCKY!!!!!!! well that eased my mind because ugliness aside here there cant be two people this lucky in the world this was in fact a true Gotts spot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JOKE CORNER
JOKE CORNER
There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went.
Guy 1: Yah..I’m originally from Dublin, Ireland
Guy 2: Really?! Me too!
Guy 1: I went to O’Malley Highschool.
Guy 2 : I did too! What year did you graduate?
Guy 1: 1988!
Guy 2: Same here!
A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didnt know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew each other. The bar tender replied, ” Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again.”
JEDWARD ON JEDWARD
My names Shaun and my names Darren- together we are Shaun and Darren
This weeks new feature is a weekly report on the happening of the massive Jedward Uk Tour. Jedward's biggest fans and our own Pot Black Jedward Shaun and Darren Hoskins are travelling every inch of the country following the pop group they adore and they have agreed to give us a weekly rating on the performance of the 2 world famous little ****s. This week Jedward went to the O2 Arena to watch Jedward. Jedward said that it was a great show, the dancing was amazing but the vocals were a bit off due to John having a cold. Shaun said that he thought that John was a right little trooper for battling through and that his determination was one thing that he loved about him, he also said despite the vocals the crowd really enjoyed themselves and he cant wait for next week. Darren said he had a great time but was bit annoyed that his balloon blew out of his hand and he couldnt buy another as they were sold out!!!!!!!!! Despite this he really enjoyed himself and commented that Edwards bottom was looking particularly pert this week!!!!! oooh I say.
Jedward on Jedward rating 7 out of 10.
WHERES LINX
For all those who couldn't find Linx last week, do not despair, you have another chance this week! Click on the link below.... Can you Spot Him?
Jedward on Jedward rating 7 out of 10.
WHERES LINX
For all those who couldn't find Linx last week, do not despair, you have another chance this week! Click on the link below.... Can you Spot Him?
Well I have got one more thing, I forgot to mention the excessive drinking that went on the previous Friday!!! Now correct me if I'm wrong but if I was going on a session the first thing that sprang to mind would not be' excuse me barman can I have a half a lager and lime and a vodka and diet coke chaser!!!!!!' 'oh and barman , hold the ice I'm on a session!' cheers Dirty and Penfold for that moment I have photos if I need them for a future p*** take I'm sure you haven't heard the last of this.
Right in summary Ill talk about the game - A good result in what could have been a tough game as we took a 9-3 victory. A solid all round showing as we won 7 out of 8 singles with the obvious loser being Nicky Lark although I will say he was a bit unlucky as he drew treble 19 Cass who went a bit nuts!!!! Ah well I'm gonna dwell on the sympathy he lost again and that's it. I don't want to blow my own trumpet as this just may be a 1 week flash in the pan, but at least it looked as if I had played before this week and hopefully it is a sign of some improved form in the future. Skip noticed that Serious is a better singles player than doubles as he popped in a 142 start in his singles and took a comfortable victory, he took a tape home of his performance but was unlucky he couldn't watch it due to a blown up tv. Penfold popped in the only other high score of the night in the singles as we were never really in danger. The food was exceptional, they had cheese straws and everything!!!!!
The doubles finished 2-2
Skip and Linx won on first
Smasher and Penfold lost on second
Me and Nicky Lark won on third (yep that's won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Peek and Hook lost on fourth
Oh I had a 140 thought I better talk about myself a bit!!!!!!
Into the singles we went at 2-2 we wanted a quick start, we did not want any not needed pressure and we got it as Serious, Linx, ME!!!!!!!!! AND Dirty all won.
Next on The Snatural and with a chance to get a win that actually counted as the game was still on!!! nope he lost!!!!!!!!!!!
Me and Nicky Lark won on third (yep that's won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Peek and Hook lost on fourth
Oh I had a 140 thought I better talk about myself a bit!!!!!!
Into the singles we went at 2-2 we wanted a quick start, we did not want any not needed pressure and we got it as Serious, Linx, ME!!!!!!!!! AND Dirty all won.
Next on The Snatural and with a chance to get a win that actually counted as the game was still on!!! nope he lost!!!!!!!!!!!
That was our loss of the evening as Penfold won chalking up a 121 in the process and Skip and Smasher wrapped up a nice win.
No buca bus this week as we ended up back at Dirtys house. Me and Dirty got fleeced at cards while I set a new world record for the amount of wheat crunchies eaten on the spin!!!!!!!!!! we tucked into our half pints of baileys mixed in with vodka and tia maria- yep they tasted horrific and no I didn't leave any before we had a tour of the house. We popped into the very impressive dart shrine, I was a wee bit concerned that he had a signed photo of Keith Dellar on the wall though!!!! Before playing around with Gavs laser and then looking at his extensive collection of photo's of pussies (catfish - he went on a fishing trip last year). We met a dog which was meant to be the same breed as honey (The Gott's former dog) but it seems Dirtys dog eats sensible portions of food unlike the immortal honey. if your unsure of what I mean the best way I can describe it is Dirtys dog looks like Nicky lark 4 seasons ago and Honey looks like Nick Lark now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We then treated ourselves to a game on the Wii, while Linx and Smasher cuddled up on the sofa with harlie the dog. Pictures will follow!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cheers everyone
Weekend Sportsman over and.................................................................. Hang on!!!!!!!! I have a report of an urgent blog moment coming in on the Bat phone!!!!!!!!!
It seems that one of our regular Bloggers is trying to drive Fridays so he can act like an idiot on a Saturday and not get blogged- NOPE NOT A CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEFORE GOLF
AFTER GOLF
I look on my phone to find 5 new texts??? I'm never that popular and there's no way I can pull 1 bird on a sat night let alone 5!!!! what's going on????? Its my partner in crime Linx!!!!!!!!!! It seems he has had the legendary I did not get drunk!!! Fluff on the mobile. 'Linx was I drunk last night?' 'yes mate -quite bad, you were hanging out of the side of the car window trying to be sick, we are not sure if you were, you better check the side of the car'- don't know about you lot but it sounds like he may have been a bit drunker than he thought!?
IN THE CLUBHOUSE
'Paul I've found out why I'm in trouble' 'yes Fluff I know you were hanging out of the car window you pleb!' ' No I don't think she took offence to that I think it was when I passed out on the lawn that really annoyed her!!!!!!!' 'oh that doesn't sound good Fluff' 'Oh it gets better!!!!! The neighbours got woken up and had to collect me off the lawn and put me in the house!!!!!!!! Think that may have sent her over the edge!!!!!!!!!!'
BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIAAAAANNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got to laugh about that one!!!!!!! I get the feeling that Fluff wont be drinking heavily at the beer festival on Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!
Weekend Sportsman over and out.
(now the second worst dart player in the team)
