CHAMPIONSHIP BOWLS sponsored by alcohol

Due to the interest shown in 'Table Bowls' after Darts in recent weeks (leaving me to take Ozzie & Moysies 'free cab' Liar Dice money) .... The Pot Black has decided to hold a CHAMPIONSHIP BOWLS NIGHT!!! With darts performances by both the 'A' & 'B' Team on the slide of late, I can only imagine that post match bowls is to blame. With every player eager to get back to the club to show their prowess on the green baize, the doubles have eluded our darts stars.

L

All kind of claims have been made, with the usual suspects having dillusions of grandieur i.e Flatty, Lincoln and Harrod, likening themselves to Richard Corsie and David Bryant whereas from the Soberness of the onlooking bar-staff, their smash, crash, wallop approach resembles more of a Richard Hammond look to it.

L

So this is the chance you Chillo's, Smasher's & Ash's having been waiting for to show them they are all Mouth and no Bias.

L

The night will have 2 titles on offer... BEST INDOOR TABLE BOWLS DOUBLES OUTFIT...IN THE WORLD!!!!!! & BEST INDOOR DRUNKEN TABLE BOWLS UNIFIED SINGLES CHAMPION...IN THE WORLD!!!!!!

L

The doubles tournament will be £5 a pair with the singles compo costing each player the same fiver with all entrance fees being paid out in prize money.... although its the Championship bragging rights you all really want...

L

So it's doubles first followed by the big one... the Singles Championship (we think this will be better after a few beverages)

L

Who can step up to the plate....

Who can ignore the constant barracking....

Will Gottsy figure out what way they curl in.....

Will Chillo find anyone p*ssed enough to partner him....

Will Linx and Wally get angry.......

Will Bennett shut up for more than 5 minutes.....

Will Nicky Lark get his hair done in time.....

Will Serious take it Seriously.......

Will Flatty actually be the best in the world.....

Be here to find out.....

L

SATURDAY 16TH JANUARY 7PM START

B-TEAM REPORT

Hello Potty B fans.

Well it’s a lot easier to be creative when you’re playing well but a bit more difficult when you’re crap.

Two weeks ago and a good away win and an easy blog to write (with a bit of help from Billy and Johnny – they might be back soon!). A week goes by and home game against the Marquis A and it was rather difficult to get inspired.

Barracking from the seats in the circle from Mick Wall-dorf and Dave Stride-ler (come on you remember the two miserable old gits from the muppets), these two had reason to moan as our very own cast of muppets was trying to play darts and failing miserably.

First up was the Legend with Bungle who lost to some good scoring from their opponents. They were followed by me and Hos and we seemed to be in our own private battle to see who got the banjo for the week (to see if we could hit a cows arse with it). Fortunately we woke up and Shawn even managed a superb 107 finish. Moysie and Oz got us to 2-1 up before Shoot em up and Clint went to face the formidable pairing of Mick Wooltorton and Gary Leach. Several darts later and we were 300 ahead as they couldn’t start. Several more darts and our pairing of Gonzo and Kermit had managed to throw away the lead and lose. 2-2 after the doubles still doesn’t sound too bad and Hos got us off to a good start in the singles only just missing his second 100+ finish of the night. I was next and after a good start I must have been bitten by a tsetse fly as I completely went to sleep. After my opponent missed his double I managed to wake up long enough to nab a bull finish and get away with a bit of a mugging. 4-2 up and it was still going OK – cue an England-like middle order collapse. Stridey (couldn’t finish), Clint (pretty poor), Oz (shite), Johnny (struggled) and Bungle (blew it) all lost and that was that. Moysie got a consolation leg at the end but we were pretty gutted as they will admit they didn’t play well either and we see it as points lost.

This week we were away to the marquis b and hoping to get back into the points. Time for a bit of a shake up and some new pairings for the doubles.

Goochy and Oz got us off to a good start followed by the dart-sharing Hos brothers – apparently Shawn threw his darts on the bar last week, missed by a mile and no-one has seen them since! It didn’t seem to matter though as Shawn threw Darren’s darts well, but not as well as Darren and we were 2-0 up. A loss from Moysie and Yiddo before me and Stridey got us to 3-1 up – one of the few times we have been ahead in the pairs all season. Ozzie lost to a good opponent before good games from Johnny, me and Hos took us to 6-2 up. Surely we must win this one we’ve still got Bungle, Clint, Moysie and the Legend to go. Surely? No. between struggling to start, failing to finish and a double one marathon from Goochy that would have graced any ladies match we managed to throw the lead away and stutter to a draw. More points that feel lost. Never mind it’s the A Team next, knowing us we’ll probably go stupid and beat them!

On the subject of the A Team, some followers may have noticed a trend towards bowls on the snooker table after the darts. This started as a little idea for a challenge between me and Billy and rapidly seemed to degenerate. Our initial challenge saw us beating Wally at pairs before the A team boys decided to latch on and take over. Me and Bill were up to the challenge and took on (look at me I’m David Bryant) Serious Fluff and (which way do they roll) Jedward lookalike Gottsy. Bearing in mind that in our previous game we were 7-0 down before we won 21-13, we did not panic when we went 4-0 down. That was until they told us we were playing their rules of first to five! This was the equivalent of sending Geoff Boycott and Marcus Trescothick out for a test match and then telling them after 19 overs that they were playing 20-20! It goes without saying that we were unable to recover but if that’s what it takes to beat us then so be it.

This week, realizing our après-dart entertainment had been nicked I tried to be clever and brushed the cobwebs off my own set of carpet bowls which had never been used since I got them for Christmas years ago. They looked the same but that was where the similarity ended. These things were like those joke golf balls that go where they like. They had so much curl on them they started coming back to you like boomerangs. At one point the game had seen more u-turns than a room full of politicians. Needless to say with no skill in the game, me and Bill lost again. Seems that if we can’t do this properly we should stick to the liar dice!

Will be back soon

Bye all

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

Well guys, the blog is back and so is losing! After a great win against the queens last week, we let the foot off the gas this week!!! It felt like the atmosphere wasn't right from the start!

Marquis at home, our bogey side and that's why we always fudge up against them!

A win in the doubles from me and PH to start us off was spot on, but when the hairstylist and skip missed 8 darts to put us 2 - 0 up and failed, it seemed to kick start the marquis and we fell to bits!!! We lost the next two doubles and were soon 4 - 1 behind when I lost my second game of the season! Serious next up and OMG, we were now 5 - 1 down and looking in a spot of bother!!! The atmosphere then dropped further and no one seemed interested maybe as Fluffy was the only one we could hear! Lol

Well done to skip and Nicky Lark chalking up wins and one other (can't remember) but 8 - 4 was a right stuffing!!! Please don't miss any more games Bardy and especially Smasher (best player for weeks now)!

Next week is the B team and they've been as sh!t as we have lately so it should be a close one!

Other news

1/ Linx and PH are table bowls champions! Fluffy is still looking for a partner at bowls but still keeps winning easily!

2/ Can we please have a dart board that doesn't reject the darts (me being cobby really) lol

3/ Gottsfreecabs were allowed out this week. How was the 30th birthday golf weekend you organised?

4/ Me and Wally both failed to get angry this week!

5/ Has anyone checked if pot black is free on Saturday to play off our darts matches?

Joke corner

Two men decided to (go chop their heads off) go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"

The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

See you all next week lads!

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

JOKE CORNER

A-TEAM WRITE UP

Bit late this week guys! Must be too busy or finding writers block at the moment!!!

The "Power" was out for the evening!!!



Away this week to the Queens Head. We were slightly saddened to here from Bardy at short notice that he was working late and couldn't make it to darts. With Serious already missing this week and no Bardy meant we needed to find a replacement! Gottsfreecabs and Fluff Senior were both playing "NIGHT GOLF". We then tried Hidesy as we thought he had a chance of competing a leg of darts but finally it came down to the ever dependable darting superstar "Graham Shallots"!

With the weakened team we calculated that we'd need 7 legs from 9 to get a result at the Queens Head! On arrival the lads all commented that the throw was the longest in the league and after a few practice darts even the pub home boy "Fluffy" said it seems long!

The draw was done and a clenched fist from skip meant that Shallots was playing Neil "Windmill" Niblett in the singles and Bash was up against Krissy Baggott! Not the worst draw in the world for us, but Windmill was bound to get a hard time from all of us when he was playing!

Well the doubles went as we had predicted and it was a must if we wanted to get the result we wanted. Shallots and Bash were the only losers in the doubles and they really should have taken the leg with both teams struggling to find any form and wasting lots of darts at the winning double!

3 - 1 up and on with the singles! We were all hoping that Nicky Lark would show up this week and start winning matches again! The order of play is always a struggle for me but I do remember the Windmill and Shallots were on very early! The atmosphere was great for this leg as we cheered our boy on and heckled his opponent! When I say heckled, I don't mean like watching a TED HANKEY match on ITV4, more of a quite whisper to Shallots saying "One to win"!!! It was several missed darts at a double later from Windmill which gave Shallots his chance to win the leg!?! Unfortunately the attempts were questionable and the Windmill held his nerves to take the leg and a massive relief was written all over his face! Hard luck Chillo, but thanks for turning up buddy!

With Kris beating Bash the score went to 4 - 3 and we need to kick on! We did just that and only dropped one more leg on our way to an 8 - 4 victory! The other loser must have been Nicky Lark as he cannot buy a game lately and I remember PH beating Smarts!

Well done boys at the halfway stage!

Other News

1/ GOTTSFREECABS TURNED UP FOR AN AFTER GOLF GET TOGETHER
2/ Me and PH (mainly PH) are brilliant at table bowls
3/ Fluffy was unstoppable at table bowls as he literally tore apart Quiff and Bungle on his own! I don't think you could have picked a worse partner than Gottsfreecabs, although Bungles mate Paul and Smasher are equally shocking at the game!
4/ Boss man and his staff almost faint at Flames when the awesome foursome are reunited later that evening for a kebab bonanza!
5/ Gottsfreecabs takes the Carlton boys home this week but refuses to give PH a lift home! Lol, where did you stay that evening PH?

Joke Corner

Now this is an old one but always a giggle!!!

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..
' Same for me,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'

HELLO POT BLACK 'B'

Hello Johnny
Hello billy
What have you been doing this week Johnny
I’ve been to the hairdressers billy
Were they closed?
Ha-ha very funny. Actually I was in a hurry and went in and said I needed my hair cut badly – and they cut it the same as yours!
Thats not very nice Johnny. Besides I bet you haven’t got the same long tufty bit on the top that I have.
Yes I have billy look.
Ooh that’s good we have exactly the same hair. We know a song about that don’t we!
Shall we play darts tonight Johnny, all our lovely friends are going to a pub.
That sounds fun lets go with them where are they going?
To the oak tavern Johnny, lets see how they get on.
This is good Johnny I have been given two games by that nice captain quiff.
So have I billy he really is quite a nice bloke for a fat git. Who’s on first?
I am Johnny, I’m playing with that short sighted bloke” Oz” who they call Mr magoo.
We know what makes you short sighted don’t we billy. Remember children, its not there for you to play with!
How did you get on billy.
We won and I played well as I scored a one hundred and forty and finished the game quickly.
Thats good billy who was next?
Next were my favourite players SHOOT ‘EM’ UP and CLINT, I love cowboys.
So do I billy but that second one has a funny name.
Look closer Johnny you short sighted idiot, its actually an L followed by an I.
Oh sorry billy, my eyes have been playing up lately. Remember children, its not there for you to play with.
We know a song about that don’t we.
“my ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling, I want you to play with.........”
Thats enough of that for now Billy, lets get back to the darts. What happened next?
Unfortunately the cowboys got shot down so we lost.
I’m on next billy I’m playing with a Yid
We’ve warned you about that, think of your eyesight. Anyway what’s a Yid?
It’s a person who supports Tott-en-ham Hotspur billy because they are Jewish.
Isn’t that racist Johnny?
Yes sorry Billy. Remember children, you must always be politically correct and not say anything nasty about people, unless of course they support Norwich City, which doesn’t count.
We know a song about that don’t we
“she’s a wh...”
Thats enough of that Johnny how did the darts go?
I’m afraid we weren’t very good and we lost but that nice captain quiff and hos were on next.
How did they get on?
They lost as well Billy. What a pair of whingers! They didn’t stop moaning all game and Shawn tried to pick a fight with a curtain?
We have a name for that don’t we
TWWAAAAT!(said with hand leaving forehead)
I was first in the singles Johnny and I won because I’m good. But I was a little bit concerned that I might be getting Dartitis.
Wasn’t he one of the Three Musketeers Billy?
No apparently it happens to good darts players and they cannot let go of the darts. At one point I stuck the end of the dart in my finger.
Did you feel a prick?
Well I did feel slightly silly Johnny. What happened next in the darts ?
Clint and Magoo and Shoot-em-up all won and we were doing well, then it was my turn.
How did you get on Johnny?
I played really well and won as well. I even finished really quickly.
Well done Johnny what happened next.
Hos played next and won but Moysie lost before that nice captain quiff went on last and won as well.
That sounds good Johnny, so we won.
Yes billy its the first win away from home all season.
We know a song about that don’t we
“Jingle bells, jingle bells, and jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to see the Pot Black win away!”
I think that’s all we have time for now, good night billy
Goodnight Johnny
Goodnight everyone! Goodnight.

Pot Black Productions brought this episode to you.

The Cast

Billy Bungle ,

Johnny Das Hos,
The cowboys Shoot em up and Clint
Short sighted bloke Oz
Fat bloke whinging about the oche and the chalker Quiff
Fat bloke whinging about the throw, the curtains, the pub and well everything Hos
Bloke who couldn’t hit a cows arse with a banjo Yid
Bloke who wouldn’t have hit a finishing double if he’d stayed till Christmas Moysie
Bloke who was ill and didn’t make it URDU (don’t try using predictive text if typing TREV)
Bloke who wasn’t playing, then was, then didn’t …………Wally

A-TEAM WRITE UP

"Well hello Mr Lincoln!"

Another week soon flys by and I need to get back to the blog write up! Thought I should get this one in early so Ready has time to get the thing on in time this week! (thanx mate)

A bit of fun first! Thought we'd start off with a best in show! Can you please vote for your favourite HUD out of three following pictures!

[email us at potblack147@hotmail.co.uk ]

Back to the darts and we were at home to Ex Serv D!

No Gottsfreecabs again this week, SHOCK! But the rest of the team all turned up this week. Skip was unusually driving this week and even more unbelievably, so was Fluffy! With Serious back this week, Nicky Lark losing two on the trot and Ash having recorded his first win last week (well remembered) it seemed a tough decision to make for the team. Skip found it much easier than I did as he dropped himself from the singles to give everyone a game, Legend!

With all the players nervous of a possible Chesney this week, the nerves were eased when we lost the opening doubles!!! Well rather than boring you with the rest of the details, we cleaned up the rest of the doubles and stormed a 7 - 1 victory in the singles to finish the match 10 - 2. Ash unfortunately back losing again, but thankfully the opening pair (Smasher & Fluffy ?) lost so he didn't have to be shown up with a song dedicated to him!!!

Noticeable performances were from Smasher and Linx! Smasher saved all his good darts for his singles game with 152 away, 140, T20 next dart meaning he'd scored 352 in 7 darts and we thought something special could happen! next two darts were 1 and 5! With 143 left on the board we were still hopeful of a 12 dart leg, unfortunately, Smasher could only manage yet another high score to leave D12 next throw. A 13 dart leg would equal the best in the league but, it just wasn't to be! Only a 15 dart leg then! Well done buddy! My leg was far less appealing, with D11 last dart and 45 next throw it needed livening up! 140, 140, 98 and 56 in two seemed to do the trick!

We started the match late this week with the first match about 20:45. We actually finished at 21:40 and had to get the food hurried up! That must be a record in itself! The next record was that by 21:55 there were only two of the A team left (up the bar) and three of their team (using the dart board)!!!!

Other News

1/ Records tumbling as A team set fastest match time ever (probably not true)!
2/ 7 people left at the Pot Black by 22:00 and that included 3 non members and 2 bar staff!
3/ Bungle comes up with a new favourite phrase "EASY TIGER" after watching more Lee Evans during the week!
4/ Wally gets cob on at table bowls which escalades in to a bitchy banter up the bar later! Must have been his partner!!!
5/ Yes, Linx did finally get angry!!!! Lol!
6/ PH says how much more enjoyable the night was once Fluffy had left! (I just made that up to wind him up)
7/ No one wins at Liar dice :o(

Joke Corner

CLICK HERE
http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf

See you all next week boys!

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

A-TEAM WRITE UP

The blog is back again! I really hope some one can take over next year!!!

Away to Lake Lothing this week, Liquid's new team! Renowned for the draw specialists this year, which was not suprising after seeing Peter 'Snakebite' Wright paired with Liquids in the doubles!

They were the first pair on and won in fine style with 3 high scores and a mile ahead of our boys on first!

Next three went our way to lead in the doubles 3 - 1. We all looked impressed with PH in practice but when his first dart in the doubles hits a small 18 you just have to laugh!

Singles next and we knew the draw could be unkind to me going for most wins with Peter playing, so I payed special attention when they were drawn out! Peter was drawn out 5th so anywhere but 5th would be fine! Maybe Liquids if I was really lucky, lol!

1st - No
2nd - No

3rd - No

4th - No

5th - F###! Well that's just great!

After finally getting through the first 4 matches which was mainly down to F F F F Fluffy's slow play we had the big one!

At least I had the start!!! Didn't get away, and I was hit with a 120 from Peter! Got away next throw and followed up with 100, 100 which made the leg a little more respectable! Peter pulled further away with 121 before hitting a big 9 (cockey) to leave 170 with me in the mid 200's! No 170 finish gave me a chance to hit 97 to leave 76! Peter had one dart for an 18 dart leg, so all I needed to do was throw two straight ones and take out the double!!! Just a dart barrell width away from tops gave Peter 3 at his favourite double top!

Unbelievably his first dart missed by an inch! His second was snatched very quickly and went higher stil! (please miss, please miss) Peter made a joke as he moved across the oche. His concentration was immense and it seemed ages for the dart to hit the board! He misses!!!!

The team erupted with noise willing me to hit the double! It was hard to explain the feeling of hope, anticipation and not wanting to let your team down, roaring like a pack of lions behind me! Toe to the oche, dart in the hand, a deep long hard look at double 10 and let go. . . . . .

BINGO!!!! Or as PH and Bungle would say OMG!

That's enough pages of blowing my own trumpet! Bad luck to Bardy for losing to liquids and ED for getting caught having his hair cut a L A CHICK!

Final score 3 - 9

Guess who?

Now this picture is quite a gem! If you thought this guy was funny to look at before the make over, well this next picture is a SCREAM! Every time I looked at him on Saturday I couldn't help but chuckle! One clue I'll give you is never get in a car with him if he's driving! Just ask my wife, his brother or his brother's wife!!!

Other news

1. Harrod fails in his attempts to wow his team mates at charades!

2. Linx does a fantastic hurdle impression on his way to a clean sweep at charades!

3. Two games of liar dice and two victories for the legend Linx

4. No one has a clue who is playing in the chairmans cup on Thursday?

5. Peter Wright wins worst hair cut in the festival league with multi coloured mullet extensions!

Joke corner

1. Why are women like condoms?They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick

2. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?They're trying to get away from the noise.

3. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink

Linx

Vice Skip

Capt Cob

Ready's Bit

I feel I have to mention something which I was sure would have at least popped up in Other News, but unfortunately with Linx's rather blinkered view of the match, it did not.

ASH WON HIS FIRST SINGLES MATCH!!!!!!!

Well done mate..... Welcome to the 'A' Team!

B-TEAM REPORT

Hi Guys

Its been a funny couple of weeks and a bit hard to get enthusiastic about what to write, basically because we have been, well, shit really. An away game at the ole frank and, well, we were away so we lost. 11-1 was just embarrassing though with not much to shout about. Pauly Tyler worth a mention as he played a really good game that would probably have got him a win on any other night. Highlight of the night was probably goochy turning up in a LEGEND t-shirt.

This week we were back at home to the queens head and hoping to keep our home form going starting off with bungle and goochy (still wearing the legend t shirt but this week wearing it over the top of what appeared to be a white kaftan). The good news is they played really well once they got away, the bad news is they didn’t start for 18 darts – 1 down. Next up were magoo and yid who started well, then got worse, then went to complete shite then couldn’t finish. 2 down. Me and hos steadied the boat before stridey and clint played ok but lost to leave us 3-1 down.

To the singles and ozzie took advantage of his opponents slow start before the legend and bungle both lost to leave us struggling at 5-3 down and really not playing very well at all. Clint got one back with a good 70 finish then Stavros got another after a bit of a marathon finishing game. This left us at 5-4 down needing shoot em up, hos and me to win to get us a win. Unfortunately dave came up against nibby in good form and all hope we had of scraping a draw disappeared when shawns opponent hit a double twenty with just about every other dart he threw! I managed to grab the last game but we had lost 7-5 and waved goodbye to our unbeaten home record.

All we can hope now is that we play a hell of a lot better and end our non-winning away run next week, although the jury is still out as to where we are playing. We know we have the Stanford but they are not playing there and we think we have narrowed it down to either the hearts of oak or the oak tavern,

Either way we need some inspiration – maybe we should consider the yellow and green team shirts again if we lose! Maybe just one for the duffer of the week to wear, that should get them worried.

See you soon

Quiff