A-TEAM WRITE UP

Welcome back to yet another blog!

With a couple of weeks on the trot for Gotts we thought he was a regular from now on! Not this week guys, the mighty relationship THUMB was well and truely down on the forehead this week! I even found out she looks after his mobile phone in her handbag, so we don't even get texts from him anymore!

This week saw the ever improving Pot Black A side taking on the KWMC!
They only had 7 players so skip took the correct action of course? That's what I thought, surely PH was on last! No, Skip took the win himself!

Well after the doubles we had a 3 - 1 lead with Ed and Skip the only losers! Maybe it was Ed's new hair style?????

Singles sorted 7 - 1 so the final score was 10 - 2

Loser in the hair cut competition was the loser in the singles! How many darts did you want to go for a double Ed?

Notable performances from PH and Smasher! Yes that's right, PH! He played really solid darts all night and Smasher hit two high scores and maybe an 18 dart leg to stuff his opponent!

I drew David Cable in the singles for the leagues second most winners to do battle! I played fairly tidy with a ton and 135 but David was poo! You can see that he'll be in trouble the next few weeks as the KWMC have the top 6 sides from last year to play!

Other news

1/ Linx dominates at liar dice but doesn't win a game!
2/ Skip wins maiden game of liar dice!
3/ PH still owes Ready £10 from me stufffing him at golf!
4/ Fluff gets taxi with me and Skip!!! As no taxis were about he risked a KFC! Yep, you guessed it, me and Skip got our own taxi as Fluff was still queuing up!!!
5/ and finally, PH named laziest b#####d in lowestoft when I found out his new astra is an automatic!!!

News Flash

The famous hair stylist Nicky Clarke!

Little did we know that he had a long lost brother who changed his identity (name and hair colour)! The truth unraveled last Saturday when Skips wife Gemma was getting her hair done at the hair salon, L A Chic (surley a woman only salon) she noticed a familiar face??? Trying so hard not to laugh out loud she couldn't wait to get home and spill the beans! "Skip, you'll never guess who I saw in the salon today"? "What, that really femanine salon you go to only for woman"? "yeah, L A Chick"

A long time past and 50 womens names were mentioned but finally Skip had to give up! "Ok, who was it then"?
It was . . . . .

Joke corner

This is an old one but always makes me chuckle!

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.

'I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying,

'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.

'I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

See you all next week

Linx
Vice Skip
Capt Cob

A-TEAM REPORT

Hearts D away

Team won 9 - 3

I lost to a 120 finish from Wayne Weavers!

Other news

1/ harrod gets a lesson from Linx at golf on Saturday!

2/ three way tie for most drunk on Saturday! You can guess?

3/ harrod eats Mayo, butter, and cheese sauce on it's own and washes it down with vinegar (might help no. 2)!!!

4) greg burgess had us in stitches on Saturday night! He's hilarious! You're in, you're in, you're in son!

5) best dart ever on Saturday! Harrod on 56 going for a 16 . . . . Bang, T19!

Joke corner

Chinese disease

While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does notuse a condom all the time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes onemorning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orderssome tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,"I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's veryrare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shotor something and fix me up, Doc.'

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We'regoing to have to amputate your penis."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."

The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penisand proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that butwhat can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!"

"Oh, Thank God!" the man replies. "Yes," says the Chinese doctor,

"wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"

Linx

Capt cob

Vice skip

B-TEAM REPORT

Hi Guys

Lots to write about this week due to the fact that I didn’t write anything last week following our away trip to the football club.

As we all know we have been about as comfortable away from home as Marcus Trescothick on tour, with no points whatsoever from all our games away from the Potty this season. We were hoping this might change at the football club but knew it would be a tight game after two draws last year.

We didn’t get off to the best of starts with shoot em up and clint losing despite playing a steady game. They were followed by eagle eyes and magoo who couldn’t start, got let off, caught up then couldn’t finish. 2-0 down. Bungle and the big toe then steadied the ship with a good game but we were soon 2 behind again after hos and me lost a hard battle against neil and percy. Three of us played really well (didn’t we shaun).

Moysie got us back to one behind before Stridey lost to leave us 4-2 down. I managed to take advantage of Martins slow start which was just as well as a 180 after he got away had him breathing down my neck and then Billy won probably the best match of the night to get us back level. Clint then lost because he couldn’t start and he was followed by Hos who played really well until he hit a 11 instead of double 8 and then spent the next half an hour trying in vain to hit a single 3! If the week before was anything to go by we need a loud drunk to wind him up to get the best out of him (maybe we could borrow Fluffy). Oz and goochy were last two on and both played well to win. Guess what? Another draw with the football club and our first away point of the season.

So to this week and the visit of ex servs d. A tame opener with shoot em up and clint firing pop-guns but thy got us under way before moysie and oz lost to a 104 finish. Me and hos were next and, in our usual style, after I played well last week I was garbage and Shaun played superb taking out 72 to get us ahead again. A steady game from Billy playing with “got new darts” Stavros, who hit a 132 and we had a healthy 3-1 lead after the pairs.

I was first up in the singles and looked like I actually knew how to play the game, followed by Hos with a win for a 5-1 lead. Ozzie was next up but complained he was having problems with his ring (suggestions on a postcard please to the usual address). It obviously affected him as he lost but in true magnanimous Chelsea fashion had a word for his opponent. Actually he had three words “he was shite”. Obviously not that shite as he won! We then had clint and shoot em up back with their full ammo, Paul with an excellent 117 finish.

Having got the 7 for the win, Darren was next but lost to a 78 finish. Moysie then got us to 8 although someone commented that he made a meal of it. This was a bit unfair – it wasn’t so much a meal as a banquet but it was still a good win.

Bungle was last on and got down to the double. He missed with his first 3 (hand goes to back of head). Then missed again (hand moves to forehead) then missed again (hand vibrates and is moved sharply downwards) TWWWWAAAAAATTTTT! Lost.

A good 8-4 home win and another toughie next week against old frank away.



See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

These blogs do take up quite a bit of time you know guys! I hope you appreciate it?

Well I hope that useless git 'Smasher' appreciates it as he cannot be bothered to collect the subs each week which would only take up a couple of minutes of his time!

Enough moaning! Well for now anyway! What do you expect after all, my name is Capt Cob!

I was going to do a guess who this week but, it would be too easy now as he's turned up to two games on the spin (OMG as Bungle would say)!


(Gotts tensing to look as toned as me)

After a late text from Gottsfreecabs offering a lift as he'd decided to come to darts after his wife had kicked him out for the evening we got to the PB nice and early!

At home this week (Yippee) to the Ex Servicemens 'B'

No Uncle Tony* this week for the away side and us being strengthened by the inclusion of DG meant a potential Chesney could be on the cards! That was until our first two doubles lost and we were 0 - 2 down. Skip must have been kicking himself for leaving himself out of the singles this week!!!

2 - 2 and back on track, thanks to the lads that could actually throw a dart unlike the first four we had on (Me, HUD, Fluff, Smasher)!

The legs soon racked up for us looking to secure all the singles matches! DG was 100% so far in all matches this year so he was keen to continue his good form! Unfortunately it wasn't to be this week as he recorded his first loss of the season! He even tried to intimidate his opponent during the leg by switching throwing arms half way through! So Arrogant, LOL!

The result ended 9 - 3 and next weeks match is against the Hearts 'D' away! We'll meet you there I guess Bardy?

Other News

1/ Liar dice legend this week was me! Fluff even commented at times that I was unplayable and started to finally get the idea on how to play the game properly!
2/ Fluff captured on camera calling a taxi after losing at liar dice!

3/ HUD losses his rag when he loses a life at liar dice because he spent 5 minutes in the toilet (he also went there just before it was his turn and not just after)!

4/ Tyler (room stealer) gets huge pat on the back for taking subs from the 'A' team players as Smasher is too lazy to do it!
5/ Skip was out drinking again for the first time this season, get in there my son! Remember this . . .

Joke Corner

1/ How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave!

2/ As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

3/ A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fcuk your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

See you all next week guys
Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

* He isn't any relation to me that I know of!

A-TEAM REPORT

OMG!

The weeks just go so quickly It's hard to keep up with the blog these days! Maybe it had something to do with Bungle taking my eye out on Friday night and not being able to see out of it until Tuesday!

Before we managed to leave the Pot Black there was just enough time to see a family face. . . . . Liquids was in town and of course the TV legend Peter Wright was too! Peter seems to bump into us each week later, but that's not surprising how big we all are! Stayed to see him throw only 3 darts and yep, 180! Lets hope you have some better results on TV soon Pete!

Away this week to the Marquis 'B'

No Skip this week so I had to double check with the lads that we had enough players during the week! Ash was struggling and Tw@t was away all week so I need someone I could guarantee to be there and shockingly the legend DG was available! Lets hope you can be there every week mate, then maybe Tw@t wont have to play in future!

Well the first thing to concentrate on when Skip leaves me in charge is to not fcuk up the book! Secondly it's sorting out the pairs and finally see if there is anyway of not playing Twat in the singles, LOL!

I didn't make a mistake in the book this week but it does look a bit messy! It's only messy as I was trying to give Skip a full match report on proceedings and ran out of room in places, Sorry!

Pairs

Well putting two great double starters together might have been a mistake as we struggled to shine in the first pairing and went behind! We soon regained control in the next pairing and never looked back from there! Not a great game from me with Tw@t this week especially as we recorded all of his scores this week so he couldn't pretend to anyone that he played better than he did! Serious worked it out that he out scored me in the leg, $hit! At least I got us away!

1 - 0 Snatch-u-ral and Bardy
1 - 1 Serious and Gottsfreecabs
1 - 2 Linx and Tw@t
1 - 3 Smasher and Fluff

Singles

The momentum continued through the singles. Very decent performances from Smasher and Snatch-u-ral and indeed Serious on the cokes! Best moment on the night was certainly not the pinch of my bottom by what Tw@t described as a look-alike to Gollum from Lord of the Rings with extra makeup, but the famous call from a dart player "Is that in"? Fluffy was the player at the oche sitting on 75. First dart went in T17 but the second dart hit the wire of T12!!!! Fluffy sarcastically asked "Is that in", only to find Lou Littler come right across the oche to check and confirm, "NO! that's not in"! Fluffy had to leave the the oche for a minute to compose himself and wait for the enormous laughter to die down! What a magical moment!

Bardy had an awkward result of first doubles, last singles which didn't help him as you can see below!

1 - 4 Linx
1 - 5 Smasher 101, 108, 135
1 - 6 Fluffy
1 - 7 DG
1 - 8 Serious
1 - 9 Snatch-u-ral 121, 140
1 - 10 Tw@t 109 finish
2 - 10 Bardy

Well done lads. Keep the winning going so we can finish above the Hearts!

Other news

1/ On returning to the Pot Black it was an awful atmosphere and almost a bundle with a drunk from the Lake Lothing!!!
2/ Liar dice is the most unfair game in the world!
3/ Audley Harrison won something for the first time since winning an Olympic medal!
4/ Peter Wright does actually drink snakebite!
5/ Liquids had been using the same hairdresser as Peter, but somehow it looked less appealing, lol!

Ever wondered what it would be like to dress up for your wife for a little roll play? Well I'm sure this didn't do the trick for one beautiful lady I know. . . . . . . . .

Purvey Potter


Clever Corner

Watch this, OMG! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=518XP8prwZo:

See you next week lads

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

B-TEAM REPORT

BENNY ABRAMOVICH'S MONEY NOT ENOUGH TO DEFEAT THE POT BLACK

Hi Guys

After missing the trip to the home guard last week I was looking forward to getting back into it at home this week. Thanks to Wally for looking after the blog last week (did anyone else get the feeling he wanted to play doubles?) and Ozzie for taking over the team and nearly getting us a point (maybe he should have put Wally in the doubles).

Despite the online implications that certain players (me, hos, Stavros) had deliberately avoided playing the Home Guard (by one of our players who had feigned an in-growing toe-nail or something this week, get well soon Wally) we were back this week to play the leagues big spenders in Benny Abramovich’s Lake Lothing. Rumours and speculation have been rife with reports of players being paid to play for them and lots of sponsorship money flying about but one of these is Kelvin so surely it can’t be true! Mind you, we can do our own sponsorship money, me on a sponsored slim, Darren on a sponsored smile and Billy on a sponsored silence (not much money to be gained there then!)

First things first and we did the draw. WARNING No 1. Kelvin said “Oh God he’s on 7th and he’s already as pissed as a fart”.

So to the match and we were soon one down after The Big Toe and Bungle were always behind after struggling to get away. Hos and Clint levelled it after their opponents failed to start and we were ready for game three.

WARNING No 2. Stridey, Yid and Peter Wright were ready to play but there other player had gone awol (he’s on 7th and he’s pissed already). After trying to locate him we agreed to play the fourth game first. Up stepped Eagle Eyes and Magoo but after being ahead all game couldn’t finish between them and we were 2-1 behind. The wandering away player then re-appeared. WARNING No 3 as he made a casual comment about having to come back as there was a fight in half an hour. Despite this he managed with Peter to beat Dave and Steve to leave us 3-1 down.

First singles was Stridey taking on Peter Wright and Dave played really well to give himself a chance but Peter hit his double to get them another win. Trev then held out for a win for us despite trying to make hard work of it in the end before Billy lost to an in-form Kelvin who hit 2 140’s and fully justified his transfer fee of two pies and a bag of crisps.

WARNING No 4. You know how to get Hos to play his best – wind him up! Mr on 7th and already more pissed than Paul Gallagher in the Hearts of Oak decided to get a bit mouthy while Shawn was playing. Shawn got angry, turned green, ripped his shirt and played out of his skin, whitewashing his opponent with a bull finish. I was on next and despite feeling completely in control, he suddenly came from nowhere to pounce after I missed double top and we were 6-3 down. Clint then played very well to get us back to 6-4 and while this was going on WARNING No 5 Mr on 7th had fallen asleep in his chair. He was woken up to face Moysie and clearly struggling as Moysie was comfortably ahead. Steve, however, decided to have another one of those games where he couldn’t finish (albeit distracted by some drunken antics and mucking about) and let his opponent catch up and get down to a double. FLASHPOINT. After missing double 16 and appearing to hit 16 then double 16, Stridey (without the assistance of a caller) chalked up 16 without realising that the second dart was not in. Mr cant hold his drink then strode over to Dave and started having a go as he thought Dave was being funny, Kelvin had to come over and calm him down to avoid things getting nasty and the evening went a bit sour. Moysie held his nerve and took out the double before being accused of not offering to shake hands – more unpleasantness. After all this Oz still had to play last and he did well to get us a battling draw.

It was a shame that several of our team were upset on the night as it was a good match and the rest of their guys were great fun. At least we are still unbeaten at home now we need to try and get something away next week at the football club.

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

Well guys! Another week gone in the season and finally we get a team with only 7 players! Just as well when you have Paul in the team!!!

At home this week to the Stanford Arms 'A'

Doubles

Seemed a nice start with Serious and Bash on first but the chesney hawkes song was soon wiped out when we went 0 - 1 behind! Serious just can't find a winning partner in the doubles lately!

Next three all got the job done, including Tw@t who seems to be my partner ever week! He didn't even bring his darts this week coz he's playing so well!!! How arrogant!

Well, to tell you the truth he had a nose bleed before he left the house

and was in such a muddle he forgot his darts! Later that evening Ready asked if he could remember to take his darts home with him this week? "That's odd" said Tw@t "I never brought them this week" "I know" replied Ready "you left the fcukers here last week. Didn't you use them tonight? They're still in the trophy above the bar" Well done Tw@t!

Singles

Not much that grabbed my eye this week!

1/ Serious missed back to back 180's thanks to a bounce out!

2/ Fluff loses out again this week, but complains as Tw@t was awful and managed to win in 50+ darts!

3/ Smasher loses again and it's not the H2O!

4/ linx misses 15 dart leg, out in 20

5/ Skip wins again! On last this week as well (don't forget what I said earlier)

Final score 9 - 3

Other News

1/ liar dice legend shows his class without losing a life!"I'm the best inthe world"

2/ Wally doesn't get angry!

3/ Bungle wins jackpot on £3 stake, and treats the 'A' team to a vodka each due to the lack of 'B' team players there!

4/ Pot Black record lowest attendance after 22:00 with approx 9 people (incl 2 staff)

5/ Fluff and Linx finally pay up £39 each for entry in the cider cup!

Other Other News

When I told you the other week about fluffy losing the front door key in a taxi you'd think he couldn't get any worse!!! This week was the best ever . . . . . Just got kicked out of the pot black for closing up and were waiting for taxis! Suddenly we realise Fluff is missing, SHOCK! Where the fcuk is he now? He's over the road at the Kentucky drive through window trying to order some food! When they get to him they tell him that he's pushed in front of a car and needs to join the back of the queue. After two more cars they get to Fluff and slam the window on him and tell him they're closed! I think he got an injury in the process as well!

Joke corner

See you all next week lads

Linx

Capt Cob

Vice Skip

The Exodus :- Home Guard away 24 oct 2009

How far will dart players go to miss the best team in the league and having to leave it to reserves to come in and face the music?........ Well, How about brothers large & larger going all the way to Scotland just to gatecrash a perfect strangers wedding!......... Or even Captain Quiff "havin to go to London" on that particular day just to preserve his most win stats!!....The Question is will they be back to play the BOTTOM of the league side on Friday!... Only time will tell!
On to the darts. The first doubles started off brilliantly with Moysey getting away first dart and the home guard giving us a start of 15 to give us a 250 point start. Our boys didn't score heavy and they started to peg it back so when we were just about to get a shot at the double Honeyman hit 177 to leave Kelly 40 which he got first Dart! What a gutter!
The next two doubles were one-sided with the home guard not giving us a chance. 0-3
On next were our teams whipping boys of "off-form" Oz and " I've sold my house and I'm not absolutely pissed this week" Pauly Gallagher. What can we say, the home Guard couldn't take it serious, Oz scored well and gally got the double first dart! OH! MY GOD! 1-3....
(By the way we were so short this week and I still got dropped from the doubles! Cheers Oz)
On to the singles. Pauly Tyler made up for his inept display in the doubles to beat Karl Bryant quite easily. Pauly " I'm so happy I let my luv of my life's 12 yr old son beat me at darts every night" Gallagher saw the home guards first double one Marathon with Paul Gardiner and twenty minutes later got another win for the boys! (How do he do it). Billy Whispering Bennett (because that's what he was doing to his opponent Andy Whitehead, before,during and after the game) played well....... but strangely Andy played like a complete TWAT! (hand leaving the forehead) and got another win for the lads! It was well worth a pint Billy and you know how tight that northerner Andy is!
Our last win was Stevie Moyse who got the only legitimate win of the night in a good match with Nigel Knights when good darts were thrown and some how not "given" to us! The losers in the singles were Goochy, mainly because he was concentrating NOT to wipe his nose after throwing his last dart that it put him off his game. Stridey who's opponent didn't give him a chance, Oz who didn't play too badly even though HE DID DROP ME FROM THE DOUBLES and ME who gave 15 darts start to Tasker and couldn't pull it back! (I think I was still traumatised about BEING DROPPED FROM THE DOUBLES!!!)
Anyway the PB B Reserves done the club proud with a slim 5-7 away defeat but never fear the regulars will be back this Friday to get a another win on the board. (That is if we ain't playing a top 3 side!)

Wish you luck
Wally
(Who unbelievably got dropped from the doubles!!!!!!))