B-TEAM XMAS BLOG

Hello Billy
Hello Johnny
Hello everyone

It was nice of Captain Quiff to ask us back for Christmas wasn’t it Johnny
Yes it was Billy and hello to all our nice friends at the Pot Black B.
How have they been getting on Johnny
Well last week they lost in the league to Ex Servicemens A but we know because we were there weren’t we.
Well you were but I might as well not have been cause I didn’t win a game all night.
We were doing ok at 2-2 after the doubles but then we lost the first 5 singles thanks to Legend, Quiff, You, Shoot em up and Wall-E.
Hold on isn’t that last one a Robot
Well if he is he needs an upgrade
There must be a song about that
I then won followed by a loss for Yid before my bruvver won the last game
So we lost 8-4 but we were a bit short of players weren’t we
Yes we were missing Clint and Mozzie
What’s mozzie?
It’s Moysie and Ozzie, you know they always come together a bit like Jedward
Oh good so what happened this week
This week was the KO cup but you missed it Johnny
I know I was feeling a little queer
Now there must definitely be a song about that but couldn’t you have done that on a different night
No I was ill you pillock
Oh sorry Johnny
Anyway we had to play 2 matches against LSSCSCCSCSCCSCSCSCSSSC followed by the factory Arms and we won 5-2 and 5-1 to get to the next round
That’s very good and nice to win the last night of the year before Christmas

Speaking of Christmas Johnny, I’d like to sing some Christmas songs for all our friends.
That’s a good idea Billy but remember to think of health and safety and make sure you don’t offend anyone
What do you mean Johnny
Don’t worry you just sing and I’ll look after the rest

OK then lets start

The Rocking Song

Billy

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir; we will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you, we will rock you, rock you, rock you

Johnny

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative. Please note: only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells

Billy

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh, O'er the fields we go - Laughing all the way ...

Johnny

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched

Billy

While shepherds watched their flocks by night, all seated on the ground

The angel of the Lord came down and glory shone around.

Johnny

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his/her glory all around she/he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA,UVB and Glory.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Billy

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeerhad a very shiny nose.

And if you ever saw him,you would even say it glows

Johnny

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Little Donkey

Billy

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road; Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

Johnny

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr.Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings

Billy

We three kings of Orient are Bearing gifts we traverse afar -Field and fountain, moor and mountain

Following yonder star

Johnny

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.


That’s all for this year
Goodbye Billy
Goodbye Johnny
Goodbye everyone

MERRY CHRISTMAS

B-TEAM REPORT

(inset - Paparrazi shots of Ozzie at home playing with his bowls - 'THAT's PORN!')

Well a couple of weeks have gone by with mixed fortunes for the B-side. A defeat to our A-team on 27th November was probably no surprise although we didn’t give too bad an account of ourselves with the score at a respectable 4-3 at one point before we lost the remaining games to lose 8-4. obviously we hadn’t anticipated the outstanding performance of their star player – no not Hooky, or Linx, or Craig or.... oh sod it ill put you out of your misery because youll never guess FLATTY! That said he did go on to win through to represent the A-team in the singles AND the doubles and was only not in the trebles because the rest of the team got a cob on and wouldn’t let him play! Well done Gaz.

This week saw us away to ex servs B and back in the points. An initial loss from Billy and Oz was followed by three straight doubles wins from Goochy and Stridey, me and Clint and Hos and Yid. Stridey then got us off to a good singles start with a win before I lost (against a 134 finish!) and so did Shawn. Four wins out the last five with only yiddo losing saw us home to a good 8-4 win.

Back at the club and a game of bowls broke out between me and billy (unbeaten over the proper distance of 21 points) and Shawn and Oz. a good game which we enjoyed revealed something strange about Ozzie. A good shot from me was followed by a cry from Oz of “that’s porn”. A bit later and a good shot from Bill and a cry from Oz “it’s porn”. Now we were all enjoying the game but we didn’t think it was that exciting! This continued all through the game with Ozzie seemingly obsessed with porn. I don’t know if you can read anything into this but maybe it explains why his eyesight is so bad!

Home to ex servs A this week and hoping for no injuries as we are down to the bare 8.

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT (ON TIME!!!!)

Thought long and hard this week about doing a blog! Last week took me 1h 30m to prepare and Ready was a 'snail' and it never appeared in time for Friday!

Well I didn't want to disappoint you all, which is what Harry Burgess and Jimmy Shaw done to us!!!

At home (3rd week in a row now) and a tough match against the Ex Serv 'A'

With the draw completed it was important that we got a good result in the doubles! It was what we wanted with a 3 - 1 advantage going into the singles and a very high probability of us winning the match! With Jimmy Shaw and Harry Burgess on in the first three singles matches we thought it might be a bigger lead going into the tougher matches later on! Jimmy had a rocket up his ar$e and Harry's darts must have been thrown by someone else!!!! They played bl00dy brilliantly and we found ourselves 3 - 4 down and it was Plan B we had to rely on now!

I cant really remember the order of play, not because I was too drunk but distracted from the discussions of buying a drink after the match for the winner! Nigel Niblett was the guy everyone was laughing about after several players had recollections of Nibs requesting Pints or Bottles of Bulmers after winning his leg! This couldn't be true as Nibs is not a tight man, but doesn't win that many legs either!!!

Back to the darts and I beat the usual suspect Ian Burgess as we always get drawn against each other 4 - 4! Then it went 5 - 5 with Bash up next! Bash had 48 darts start to beat Harry Jarvis but was comfortably beaten in the end, OUCH! We needed to win on last with the Skip to get us a point and he was sold! 6 - 6!

I'd say well done in the end but if we'd put the gas on early then it could have been a little better for us!

Looking on the bright side this week (hopefully), Smasher and Skip wont feel the urge to play on the quiz machine before the darts this week (What a NOB)!!!

Other News

1/ Chillo is much worse than first thought at playing darts! (true story)
2/ Table bowls goes into a freenzy this week as people try to secure a doubles partner before the tournament in January!
3/ Gloomy faces around Pot Black as we find out there are no Turkey Crowns available for Christmas!
4/ Wally didn't get angry this week!!!

5/ Gottsfreecabs has broken down again it would seem!

Joke Corner

Did you hear about the two guys who went to the sperm donors? One of them 'came' on the bus and the other one missed the tube!

A-TEAM REPORT

Welcome back to another edition of . . . . . .

What the f### do I write in the blog this week???

Away this week which is normally a bummer, but when you're playing the the Pot Black B side and you don't need to do a thing all night other than chuck a few arrows! HAPPY DAYS!

No Skip this week, Ash had called off so it was another turn out for Gottsfreecabs! With me picking the pairs anything could happen! Thankfully the doubles went as I had hope with a 3 - 1 advantage to the A side. Onto the singles and it was a different story! Winning only one of the first four games made the scores level at 4 - 4. Some indifferent performances from our lads with PH not being able to locate a double to finish and Nicky Lark not finding one to start!!!!

Larky, in need of some further attention to his overgrown barnet, but too scared to be caught at a womens salon he braved it against Quiff in the singles! After 3 throws Quiff was sitting on 129 and Larky hadn't started! I was bursting for the loo so missed the next few darts!!!! Question: What starts with 'White' and ends in 'Wash', Answer: Larky!

Larky is now the most nicknamed player with his latest being 'BASIL'

Back to the match and 4 - 4 could go either way now! Stevie Norfield was on last so we thought that might be ours but the rest were tricky! First up was our best player this year, 'Smasher' and 20 darts later we took back the lead. Next was me and again 20 darts later we'd secured the draw! Fluffy next and 18 darts later the win was secured and finally Bardy in 21 darts made the final score 8 - 4!

Well done lads. Back to winning ways and may it continue for the next three weeks!!!

Table Bowls

Wally wanted to join in so badly this week after Jedward had challenged me and PH to a game that he got into a big sulk and reluctantly joined in with some liar dice with the B team! (If Wally try's to change the story then he's lying!!!)

To the big match and just pride was placed on the table for this encounter! After 5 ends we all realised that the bowls do not actually work on the backhand, but my partner, PH, continued to roll some horrendous deliveries which in the end had cost us the match! PH version of events was that he was brilliant, the table and bowls didn't react as they should've and Shaun & Deadwood were the luckiest bowlers he'd ever seen! My version of events was I should've listened to Wally and hoped to get him as a partner, PH was horrific, Shaun was a little lucky and Darren was consistent throughout! You make your own minds up!

Play-offs

Saturday evening saw the A team play off for the singles, doubles and trebles! Not sure everyone wanted to play darts (probably just me) but it wasn't a night to remember for most of us!

The trebles were picked out! Done

The doubles draw saw Me & Serious take on Smasher & PH. It was like me & Serious playing Smasher at singles and in the end we managed to fall over the line and get through!!! The other match saw Skip & Larky take on Ash & Fluffy. After a long three leg tussle it was the 100% finishing from Ash that caused the first shock of the Night! Great to see Skip take it in his stride and tap Fluffy on the shoulder after the match "If Ash can't make it to the doubles, I'm your man"!

Singles next and as usual Serious drew Skip in the top half with me and Fluffy in the next! Bottom half pitched PH against Larky and Ash against Smasher!

Semi finals

Serious vs Fluffy (I was awful and didn't try according to the rest of them)
PH vs Smasher

PH played darts for a change and made Smasher work hard for his 2 - 1 victory!

Serious and Fluffy saw an indifferent match. The spectators (Me, Chillo, Skip, Smasher, Ash) were discussing having a tug at work and impressions of professional dart players in a charade style comedy sketch (was absolutely hilarious)! Serious 1 - 0 up and all going to plan until he started to play bad and couldn't block out the background noise (mainly me) and it was soon 1 - 1. In the last leg Serious was even worse and couldn't help chipping into our conversation about 'tossing' at work! Somehow the biggest shock of the night saw Fluffy finally hit a double and make his way into the festival singles! Well done!

I was a little annoyed with Serious' reaction even though I know he's a bad loser! To blame losing the match on me and then saying I've got to play with that 'hunt' in the doubles was a bit harsh! I hope it's just a spur of the moment thing and we'll be on fire come festival doubles night! I can't hold a grudge or get angry like Wally(if you mention Wally getting angry once more Links! I (Wally) will get really, eh! Hmmm, what can I say a-a-a-angry, oh shit! that didn't help much!) so we'll be back kissing on Friday (I hope x)! and I really want those Turkey Crowns buddy!

Trebles
Serious, Linx, PH
Skip, Smasher, Larky

Doubles
Serious & Linx
Fluffy & Ash

Singles
Fluffy
Smasher

Fluffy after the singles trying to hide his excitement and work out where things went right?

Joke Corner

What doesn't play bowls, never gets angry and . . . . . . . Far too easy!(You B******D agin Links)

Two men at airport. First man says "I can't find my wife". Second says "I can't
find mine either, what does yours look like? 1st man says, "She's 6ft tall,
blonde, big tits, long legs, mini skirt, stockings, high heels and a boob tube,
what's yours look like? 2nd man says "F### her, we'll look for yours!

See you all next week lads

Vice Skip

Capt Cob

Linx

(Tosser)

CHAMPIONSHIP BOWLS sponsored by alcohol

Due to the interest shown in 'Table Bowls' after Darts in recent weeks (leaving me to take Ozzie & Moysies 'free cab' Liar Dice money) .... The Pot Black has decided to hold a CHAMPIONSHIP BOWLS NIGHT!!! With darts performances by both the 'A' & 'B' Team on the slide of late, I can only imagine that post match bowls is to blame. With every player eager to get back to the club to show their prowess on the green baize, the doubles have eluded our darts stars.

L

All kind of claims have been made, with the usual suspects having dillusions of grandieur i.e Flatty, Lincoln and Harrod, likening themselves to Richard Corsie and David Bryant whereas from the Soberness of the onlooking bar-staff, their smash, crash, wallop approach resembles more of a Richard Hammond look to it.

L

So this is the chance you Chillo's, Smasher's & Ash's having been waiting for to show them they are all Mouth and no Bias.

L

The night will have 2 titles on offer... BEST INDOOR TABLE BOWLS DOUBLES OUTFIT...IN THE WORLD!!!!!! & BEST INDOOR DRUNKEN TABLE BOWLS UNIFIED SINGLES CHAMPION...IN THE WORLD!!!!!!

L

The doubles tournament will be £5 a pair with the singles compo costing each player the same fiver with all entrance fees being paid out in prize money.... although its the Championship bragging rights you all really want...

L

So it's doubles first followed by the big one... the Singles Championship (we think this will be better after a few beverages)

L

Who can step up to the plate....

Who can ignore the constant barracking....

Will Gottsy figure out what way they curl in.....

Will Chillo find anyone p*ssed enough to partner him....

Will Linx and Wally get angry.......

Will Bennett shut up for more than 5 minutes.....

Will Nicky Lark get his hair done in time.....

Will Serious take it Seriously.......

Will Flatty actually be the best in the world.....

Be here to find out.....

L

SATURDAY 16TH JANUARY 7PM START

B-TEAM REPORT

Hello Potty B fans.

Well it’s a lot easier to be creative when you’re playing well but a bit more difficult when you’re crap.

Two weeks ago and a good away win and an easy blog to write (with a bit of help from Billy and Johnny – they might be back soon!). A week goes by and home game against the Marquis A and it was rather difficult to get inspired.

Barracking from the seats in the circle from Mick Wall-dorf and Dave Stride-ler (come on you remember the two miserable old gits from the muppets), these two had reason to moan as our very own cast of muppets was trying to play darts and failing miserably.

First up was the Legend with Bungle who lost to some good scoring from their opponents. They were followed by me and Hos and we seemed to be in our own private battle to see who got the banjo for the week (to see if we could hit a cows arse with it). Fortunately we woke up and Shawn even managed a superb 107 finish. Moysie and Oz got us to 2-1 up before Shoot em up and Clint went to face the formidable pairing of Mick Wooltorton and Gary Leach. Several darts later and we were 300 ahead as they couldn’t start. Several more darts and our pairing of Gonzo and Kermit had managed to throw away the lead and lose. 2-2 after the doubles still doesn’t sound too bad and Hos got us off to a good start in the singles only just missing his second 100+ finish of the night. I was next and after a good start I must have been bitten by a tsetse fly as I completely went to sleep. After my opponent missed his double I managed to wake up long enough to nab a bull finish and get away with a bit of a mugging. 4-2 up and it was still going OK – cue an England-like middle order collapse. Stridey (couldn’t finish), Clint (pretty poor), Oz (shite), Johnny (struggled) and Bungle (blew it) all lost and that was that. Moysie got a consolation leg at the end but we were pretty gutted as they will admit they didn’t play well either and we see it as points lost.

This week we were away to the marquis b and hoping to get back into the points. Time for a bit of a shake up and some new pairings for the doubles.

Goochy and Oz got us off to a good start followed by the dart-sharing Hos brothers – apparently Shawn threw his darts on the bar last week, missed by a mile and no-one has seen them since! It didn’t seem to matter though as Shawn threw Darren’s darts well, but not as well as Darren and we were 2-0 up. A loss from Moysie and Yiddo before me and Stridey got us to 3-1 up – one of the few times we have been ahead in the pairs all season. Ozzie lost to a good opponent before good games from Johnny, me and Hos took us to 6-2 up. Surely we must win this one we’ve still got Bungle, Clint, Moysie and the Legend to go. Surely? No. between struggling to start, failing to finish and a double one marathon from Goochy that would have graced any ladies match we managed to throw the lead away and stutter to a draw. More points that feel lost. Never mind it’s the A Team next, knowing us we’ll probably go stupid and beat them!

On the subject of the A Team, some followers may have noticed a trend towards bowls on the snooker table after the darts. This started as a little idea for a challenge between me and Billy and rapidly seemed to degenerate. Our initial challenge saw us beating Wally at pairs before the A team boys decided to latch on and take over. Me and Bill were up to the challenge and took on (look at me I’m David Bryant) Serious Fluff and (which way do they roll) Jedward lookalike Gottsy. Bearing in mind that in our previous game we were 7-0 down before we won 21-13, we did not panic when we went 4-0 down. That was until they told us we were playing their rules of first to five! This was the equivalent of sending Geoff Boycott and Marcus Trescothick out for a test match and then telling them after 19 overs that they were playing 20-20! It goes without saying that we were unable to recover but if that’s what it takes to beat us then so be it.

This week, realizing our après-dart entertainment had been nicked I tried to be clever and brushed the cobwebs off my own set of carpet bowls which had never been used since I got them for Christmas years ago. They looked the same but that was where the similarity ended. These things were like those joke golf balls that go where they like. They had so much curl on them they started coming back to you like boomerangs. At one point the game had seen more u-turns than a room full of politicians. Needless to say with no skill in the game, me and Bill lost again. Seems that if we can’t do this properly we should stick to the liar dice!

Will be back soon

Bye all

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

Well guys, the blog is back and so is losing! After a great win against the queens last week, we let the foot off the gas this week!!! It felt like the atmosphere wasn't right from the start!

Marquis at home, our bogey side and that's why we always fudge up against them!

A win in the doubles from me and PH to start us off was spot on, but when the hairstylist and skip missed 8 darts to put us 2 - 0 up and failed, it seemed to kick start the marquis and we fell to bits!!! We lost the next two doubles and were soon 4 - 1 behind when I lost my second game of the season! Serious next up and OMG, we were now 5 - 1 down and looking in a spot of bother!!! The atmosphere then dropped further and no one seemed interested maybe as Fluffy was the only one we could hear! Lol

Well done to skip and Nicky Lark chalking up wins and one other (can't remember) but 8 - 4 was a right stuffing!!! Please don't miss any more games Bardy and especially Smasher (best player for weeks now)!

Next week is the B team and they've been as sh!t as we have lately so it should be a close one!

Other news

1/ Linx and PH are table bowls champions! Fluffy is still looking for a partner at bowls but still keeps winning easily!

2/ Can we please have a dart board that doesn't reject the darts (me being cobby really) lol

3/ Gottsfreecabs were allowed out this week. How was the 30th birthday golf weekend you organised?

4/ Me and Wally both failed to get angry this week!

5/ Has anyone checked if pot black is free on Saturday to play off our darts matches?

Joke corner

Two men decided to (go chop their heads off) go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"

The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

See you all next week lads!

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

JOKE CORNER

A-TEAM WRITE UP

Bit late this week guys! Must be too busy or finding writers block at the moment!!!

The "Power" was out for the evening!!!



Away this week to the Queens Head. We were slightly saddened to here from Bardy at short notice that he was working late and couldn't make it to darts. With Serious already missing this week and no Bardy meant we needed to find a replacement! Gottsfreecabs and Fluff Senior were both playing "NIGHT GOLF". We then tried Hidesy as we thought he had a chance of competing a leg of darts but finally it came down to the ever dependable darting superstar "Graham Shallots"!

With the weakened team we calculated that we'd need 7 legs from 9 to get a result at the Queens Head! On arrival the lads all commented that the throw was the longest in the league and after a few practice darts even the pub home boy "Fluffy" said it seems long!

The draw was done and a clenched fist from skip meant that Shallots was playing Neil "Windmill" Niblett in the singles and Bash was up against Krissy Baggott! Not the worst draw in the world for us, but Windmill was bound to get a hard time from all of us when he was playing!

Well the doubles went as we had predicted and it was a must if we wanted to get the result we wanted. Shallots and Bash were the only losers in the doubles and they really should have taken the leg with both teams struggling to find any form and wasting lots of darts at the winning double!

3 - 1 up and on with the singles! We were all hoping that Nicky Lark would show up this week and start winning matches again! The order of play is always a struggle for me but I do remember the Windmill and Shallots were on very early! The atmosphere was great for this leg as we cheered our boy on and heckled his opponent! When I say heckled, I don't mean like watching a TED HANKEY match on ITV4, more of a quite whisper to Shallots saying "One to win"!!! It was several missed darts at a double later from Windmill which gave Shallots his chance to win the leg!?! Unfortunately the attempts were questionable and the Windmill held his nerves to take the leg and a massive relief was written all over his face! Hard luck Chillo, but thanks for turning up buddy!

With Kris beating Bash the score went to 4 - 3 and we need to kick on! We did just that and only dropped one more leg on our way to an 8 - 4 victory! The other loser must have been Nicky Lark as he cannot buy a game lately and I remember PH beating Smarts!

Well done boys at the halfway stage!

Other News

1/ GOTTSFREECABS TURNED UP FOR AN AFTER GOLF GET TOGETHER
2/ Me and PH (mainly PH) are brilliant at table bowls
3/ Fluffy was unstoppable at table bowls as he literally tore apart Quiff and Bungle on his own! I don't think you could have picked a worse partner than Gottsfreecabs, although Bungles mate Paul and Smasher are equally shocking at the game!
4/ Boss man and his staff almost faint at Flames when the awesome foursome are reunited later that evening for a kebab bonanza!
5/ Gottsfreecabs takes the Carlton boys home this week but refuses to give PH a lift home! Lol, where did you stay that evening PH?

Joke Corner

Now this is an old one but always a giggle!!!

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..
' Same for me,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'

HELLO POT BLACK 'B'

Hello Johnny
Hello billy
What have you been doing this week Johnny
I’ve been to the hairdressers billy
Were they closed?
Ha-ha very funny. Actually I was in a hurry and went in and said I needed my hair cut badly – and they cut it the same as yours!
Thats not very nice Johnny. Besides I bet you haven’t got the same long tufty bit on the top that I have.
Yes I have billy look.
Ooh that’s good we have exactly the same hair. We know a song about that don’t we!
Shall we play darts tonight Johnny, all our lovely friends are going to a pub.
That sounds fun lets go with them where are they going?
To the oak tavern Johnny, lets see how they get on.
This is good Johnny I have been given two games by that nice captain quiff.
So have I billy he really is quite a nice bloke for a fat git. Who’s on first?
I am Johnny, I’m playing with that short sighted bloke” Oz” who they call Mr magoo.
We know what makes you short sighted don’t we billy. Remember children, its not there for you to play with!
How did you get on billy.
We won and I played well as I scored a one hundred and forty and finished the game quickly.
Thats good billy who was next?
Next were my favourite players SHOOT ‘EM’ UP and CLINT, I love cowboys.
So do I billy but that second one has a funny name.
Look closer Johnny you short sighted idiot, its actually an L followed by an I.
Oh sorry billy, my eyes have been playing up lately. Remember children, its not there for you to play with.
We know a song about that don’t we.
“my ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling, I want you to play with.........”
Thats enough of that for now Billy, lets get back to the darts. What happened next?
Unfortunately the cowboys got shot down so we lost.
I’m on next billy I’m playing with a Yid
We’ve warned you about that, think of your eyesight. Anyway what’s a Yid?
It’s a person who supports Tott-en-ham Hotspur billy because they are Jewish.
Isn’t that racist Johnny?
Yes sorry Billy. Remember children, you must always be politically correct and not say anything nasty about people, unless of course they support Norwich City, which doesn’t count.
We know a song about that don’t we
“she’s a wh...”
Thats enough of that Johnny how did the darts go?
I’m afraid we weren’t very good and we lost but that nice captain quiff and hos were on next.
How did they get on?
They lost as well Billy. What a pair of whingers! They didn’t stop moaning all game and Shawn tried to pick a fight with a curtain?
We have a name for that don’t we
TWWAAAAT!(said with hand leaving forehead)
I was first in the singles Johnny and I won because I’m good. But I was a little bit concerned that I might be getting Dartitis.
Wasn’t he one of the Three Musketeers Billy?
No apparently it happens to good darts players and they cannot let go of the darts. At one point I stuck the end of the dart in my finger.
Did you feel a prick?
Well I did feel slightly silly Johnny. What happened next in the darts ?
Clint and Magoo and Shoot-em-up all won and we were doing well, then it was my turn.
How did you get on Johnny?
I played really well and won as well. I even finished really quickly.
Well done Johnny what happened next.
Hos played next and won but Moysie lost before that nice captain quiff went on last and won as well.
That sounds good Johnny, so we won.
Yes billy its the first win away from home all season.
We know a song about that don’t we
“Jingle bells, jingle bells, and jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to see the Pot Black win away!”
I think that’s all we have time for now, good night billy
Goodnight Johnny
Goodnight everyone! Goodnight.

Pot Black Productions brought this episode to you.

The Cast

Billy Bungle ,

Johnny Das Hos,
The cowboys Shoot em up and Clint
Short sighted bloke Oz
Fat bloke whinging about the oche and the chalker Quiff
Fat bloke whinging about the throw, the curtains, the pub and well everything Hos
Bloke who couldn’t hit a cows arse with a banjo Yid
Bloke who wouldn’t have hit a finishing double if he’d stayed till Christmas Moysie
Bloke who was ill and didn’t make it URDU (don’t try using predictive text if typing TREV)
Bloke who wasn’t playing, then was, then didn’t …………Wally

A-TEAM WRITE UP

"Well hello Mr Lincoln!"

Another week soon flys by and I need to get back to the blog write up! Thought I should get this one in early so Ready has time to get the thing on in time this week! (thanx mate)

A bit of fun first! Thought we'd start off with a best in show! Can you please vote for your favourite HUD out of three following pictures!

[email us at potblack147@hotmail.co.uk ]

Back to the darts and we were at home to Ex Serv D!

No Gottsfreecabs again this week, SHOCK! But the rest of the team all turned up this week. Skip was unusually driving this week and even more unbelievably, so was Fluffy! With Serious back this week, Nicky Lark losing two on the trot and Ash having recorded his first win last week (well remembered) it seemed a tough decision to make for the team. Skip found it much easier than I did as he dropped himself from the singles to give everyone a game, Legend!

With all the players nervous of a possible Chesney this week, the nerves were eased when we lost the opening doubles!!! Well rather than boring you with the rest of the details, we cleaned up the rest of the doubles and stormed a 7 - 1 victory in the singles to finish the match 10 - 2. Ash unfortunately back losing again, but thankfully the opening pair (Smasher & Fluffy ?) lost so he didn't have to be shown up with a song dedicated to him!!!

Noticeable performances were from Smasher and Linx! Smasher saved all his good darts for his singles game with 152 away, 140, T20 next dart meaning he'd scored 352 in 7 darts and we thought something special could happen! next two darts were 1 and 5! With 143 left on the board we were still hopeful of a 12 dart leg, unfortunately, Smasher could only manage yet another high score to leave D12 next throw. A 13 dart leg would equal the best in the league but, it just wasn't to be! Only a 15 dart leg then! Well done buddy! My leg was far less appealing, with D11 last dart and 45 next throw it needed livening up! 140, 140, 98 and 56 in two seemed to do the trick!

We started the match late this week with the first match about 20:45. We actually finished at 21:40 and had to get the food hurried up! That must be a record in itself! The next record was that by 21:55 there were only two of the A team left (up the bar) and three of their team (using the dart board)!!!!

Other News

1/ Records tumbling as A team set fastest match time ever (probably not true)!
2/ 7 people left at the Pot Black by 22:00 and that included 3 non members and 2 bar staff!
3/ Bungle comes up with a new favourite phrase "EASY TIGER" after watching more Lee Evans during the week!
4/ Wally gets cob on at table bowls which escalades in to a bitchy banter up the bar later! Must have been his partner!!!
5/ Yes, Linx did finally get angry!!!! Lol!
6/ PH says how much more enjoyable the night was once Fluffy had left! (I just made that up to wind him up)
7/ No one wins at Liar dice :o(

Joke Corner

CLICK HERE
http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf

See you all next week boys!

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

A-TEAM WRITE UP

The blog is back again! I really hope some one can take over next year!!!

Away to Lake Lothing this week, Liquid's new team! Renowned for the draw specialists this year, which was not suprising after seeing Peter 'Snakebite' Wright paired with Liquids in the doubles!

They were the first pair on and won in fine style with 3 high scores and a mile ahead of our boys on first!

Next three went our way to lead in the doubles 3 - 1. We all looked impressed with PH in practice but when his first dart in the doubles hits a small 18 you just have to laugh!

Singles next and we knew the draw could be unkind to me going for most wins with Peter playing, so I payed special attention when they were drawn out! Peter was drawn out 5th so anywhere but 5th would be fine! Maybe Liquids if I was really lucky, lol!

1st - No
2nd - No

3rd - No

4th - No

5th - F###! Well that's just great!

After finally getting through the first 4 matches which was mainly down to F F F F Fluffy's slow play we had the big one!

At least I had the start!!! Didn't get away, and I was hit with a 120 from Peter! Got away next throw and followed up with 100, 100 which made the leg a little more respectable! Peter pulled further away with 121 before hitting a big 9 (cockey) to leave 170 with me in the mid 200's! No 170 finish gave me a chance to hit 97 to leave 76! Peter had one dart for an 18 dart leg, so all I needed to do was throw two straight ones and take out the double!!! Just a dart barrell width away from tops gave Peter 3 at his favourite double top!

Unbelievably his first dart missed by an inch! His second was snatched very quickly and went higher stil! (please miss, please miss) Peter made a joke as he moved across the oche. His concentration was immense and it seemed ages for the dart to hit the board! He misses!!!!

The team erupted with noise willing me to hit the double! It was hard to explain the feeling of hope, anticipation and not wanting to let your team down, roaring like a pack of lions behind me! Toe to the oche, dart in the hand, a deep long hard look at double 10 and let go. . . . . .

BINGO!!!! Or as PH and Bungle would say OMG!

That's enough pages of blowing my own trumpet! Bad luck to Bardy for losing to liquids and ED for getting caught having his hair cut a L A CHICK!

Final score 3 - 9

Guess who?

Now this picture is quite a gem! If you thought this guy was funny to look at before the make over, well this next picture is a SCREAM! Every time I looked at him on Saturday I couldn't help but chuckle! One clue I'll give you is never get in a car with him if he's driving! Just ask my wife, his brother or his brother's wife!!!

Other news

1. Harrod fails in his attempts to wow his team mates at charades!

2. Linx does a fantastic hurdle impression on his way to a clean sweep at charades!

3. Two games of liar dice and two victories for the legend Linx

4. No one has a clue who is playing in the chairmans cup on Thursday?

5. Peter Wright wins worst hair cut in the festival league with multi coloured mullet extensions!

Joke corner

1. Why are women like condoms?They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick

2. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?They're trying to get away from the noise.

3. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink

Linx

Vice Skip

Capt Cob

Ready's Bit

I feel I have to mention something which I was sure would have at least popped up in Other News, but unfortunately with Linx's rather blinkered view of the match, it did not.

ASH WON HIS FIRST SINGLES MATCH!!!!!!!

Well done mate..... Welcome to the 'A' Team!

B-TEAM REPORT

Hi Guys

Its been a funny couple of weeks and a bit hard to get enthusiastic about what to write, basically because we have been, well, shit really. An away game at the ole frank and, well, we were away so we lost. 11-1 was just embarrassing though with not much to shout about. Pauly Tyler worth a mention as he played a really good game that would probably have got him a win on any other night. Highlight of the night was probably goochy turning up in a LEGEND t-shirt.

This week we were back at home to the queens head and hoping to keep our home form going starting off with bungle and goochy (still wearing the legend t shirt but this week wearing it over the top of what appeared to be a white kaftan). The good news is they played really well once they got away, the bad news is they didn’t start for 18 darts – 1 down. Next up were magoo and yid who started well, then got worse, then went to complete shite then couldn’t finish. 2 down. Me and hos steadied the boat before stridey and clint played ok but lost to leave us 3-1 down.

To the singles and ozzie took advantage of his opponents slow start before the legend and bungle both lost to leave us struggling at 5-3 down and really not playing very well at all. Clint got one back with a good 70 finish then Stavros got another after a bit of a marathon finishing game. This left us at 5-4 down needing shoot em up, hos and me to win to get us a win. Unfortunately dave came up against nibby in good form and all hope we had of scraping a draw disappeared when shawns opponent hit a double twenty with just about every other dart he threw! I managed to grab the last game but we had lost 7-5 and waved goodbye to our unbeaten home record.

All we can hope now is that we play a hell of a lot better and end our non-winning away run next week, although the jury is still out as to where we are playing. We know we have the Stanford but they are not playing there and we think we have narrowed it down to either the hearts of oak or the oak tavern,

Either way we need some inspiration – maybe we should consider the yellow and green team shirts again if we lose! Maybe just one for the duffer of the week to wear, that should get them worried.

See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM WRITE UP

Welcome back to yet another blog!

With a couple of weeks on the trot for Gotts we thought he was a regular from now on! Not this week guys, the mighty relationship THUMB was well and truely down on the forehead this week! I even found out she looks after his mobile phone in her handbag, so we don't even get texts from him anymore!

This week saw the ever improving Pot Black A side taking on the KWMC!
They only had 7 players so skip took the correct action of course? That's what I thought, surely PH was on last! No, Skip took the win himself!

Well after the doubles we had a 3 - 1 lead with Ed and Skip the only losers! Maybe it was Ed's new hair style?????

Singles sorted 7 - 1 so the final score was 10 - 2

Loser in the hair cut competition was the loser in the singles! How many darts did you want to go for a double Ed?

Notable performances from PH and Smasher! Yes that's right, PH! He played really solid darts all night and Smasher hit two high scores and maybe an 18 dart leg to stuff his opponent!

I drew David Cable in the singles for the leagues second most winners to do battle! I played fairly tidy with a ton and 135 but David was poo! You can see that he'll be in trouble the next few weeks as the KWMC have the top 6 sides from last year to play!

Other news

1/ Linx dominates at liar dice but doesn't win a game!
2/ Skip wins maiden game of liar dice!
3/ PH still owes Ready £10 from me stufffing him at golf!
4/ Fluff gets taxi with me and Skip!!! As no taxis were about he risked a KFC! Yep, you guessed it, me and Skip got our own taxi as Fluff was still queuing up!!!
5/ and finally, PH named laziest b#####d in lowestoft when I found out his new astra is an automatic!!!

News Flash

The famous hair stylist Nicky Clarke!

Little did we know that he had a long lost brother who changed his identity (name and hair colour)! The truth unraveled last Saturday when Skips wife Gemma was getting her hair done at the hair salon, L A Chic (surley a woman only salon) she noticed a familiar face??? Trying so hard not to laugh out loud she couldn't wait to get home and spill the beans! "Skip, you'll never guess who I saw in the salon today"? "What, that really femanine salon you go to only for woman"? "yeah, L A Chick"

A long time past and 50 womens names were mentioned but finally Skip had to give up! "Ok, who was it then"?
It was . . . . .

Joke corner

This is an old one but always makes me chuckle!

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.

'I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying,

'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.

'I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

See you all next week

Linx
Vice Skip
Capt Cob

A-TEAM REPORT

Hearts D away

Team won 9 - 3

I lost to a 120 finish from Wayne Weavers!

Other news

1/ harrod gets a lesson from Linx at golf on Saturday!

2/ three way tie for most drunk on Saturday! You can guess?

3/ harrod eats Mayo, butter, and cheese sauce on it's own and washes it down with vinegar (might help no. 2)!!!

4) greg burgess had us in stitches on Saturday night! He's hilarious! You're in, you're in, you're in son!

5) best dart ever on Saturday! Harrod on 56 going for a 16 . . . . Bang, T19!

Joke corner

Chinese disease

While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does notuse a condom all the time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes onemorning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orderssome tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,"I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's veryrare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shotor something and fix me up, Doc.'

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We'regoing to have to amputate your penis."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."

The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penisand proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that butwhat can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!"

"Oh, Thank God!" the man replies. "Yes," says the Chinese doctor,

"wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"

Linx

Capt cob

Vice skip

B-TEAM REPORT

Hi Guys

Lots to write about this week due to the fact that I didn’t write anything last week following our away trip to the football club.

As we all know we have been about as comfortable away from home as Marcus Trescothick on tour, with no points whatsoever from all our games away from the Potty this season. We were hoping this might change at the football club but knew it would be a tight game after two draws last year.

We didn’t get off to the best of starts with shoot em up and clint losing despite playing a steady game. They were followed by eagle eyes and magoo who couldn’t start, got let off, caught up then couldn’t finish. 2-0 down. Bungle and the big toe then steadied the ship with a good game but we were soon 2 behind again after hos and me lost a hard battle against neil and percy. Three of us played really well (didn’t we shaun).

Moysie got us back to one behind before Stridey lost to leave us 4-2 down. I managed to take advantage of Martins slow start which was just as well as a 180 after he got away had him breathing down my neck and then Billy won probably the best match of the night to get us back level. Clint then lost because he couldn’t start and he was followed by Hos who played really well until he hit a 11 instead of double 8 and then spent the next half an hour trying in vain to hit a single 3! If the week before was anything to go by we need a loud drunk to wind him up to get the best out of him (maybe we could borrow Fluffy). Oz and goochy were last two on and both played well to win. Guess what? Another draw with the football club and our first away point of the season.

So to this week and the visit of ex servs d. A tame opener with shoot em up and clint firing pop-guns but thy got us under way before moysie and oz lost to a 104 finish. Me and hos were next and, in our usual style, after I played well last week I was garbage and Shaun played superb taking out 72 to get us ahead again. A steady game from Billy playing with “got new darts” Stavros, who hit a 132 and we had a healthy 3-1 lead after the pairs.

I was first up in the singles and looked like I actually knew how to play the game, followed by Hos with a win for a 5-1 lead. Ozzie was next up but complained he was having problems with his ring (suggestions on a postcard please to the usual address). It obviously affected him as he lost but in true magnanimous Chelsea fashion had a word for his opponent. Actually he had three words “he was shite”. Obviously not that shite as he won! We then had clint and shoot em up back with their full ammo, Paul with an excellent 117 finish.

Having got the 7 for the win, Darren was next but lost to a 78 finish. Moysie then got us to 8 although someone commented that he made a meal of it. This was a bit unfair – it wasn’t so much a meal as a banquet but it was still a good win.

Bungle was last on and got down to the double. He missed with his first 3 (hand goes to back of head). Then missed again (hand moves to forehead) then missed again (hand vibrates and is moved sharply downwards) TWWWWAAAAAATTTTT! Lost.

A good 8-4 home win and another toughie next week against old frank away.



See you soon

Quiff

A-TEAM REPORT

These blogs do take up quite a bit of time you know guys! I hope you appreciate it?

Well I hope that useless git 'Smasher' appreciates it as he cannot be bothered to collect the subs each week which would only take up a couple of minutes of his time!

Enough moaning! Well for now anyway! What do you expect after all, my name is Capt Cob!

I was going to do a guess who this week but, it would be too easy now as he's turned up to two games on the spin (OMG as Bungle would say)!


(Gotts tensing to look as toned as me)

After a late text from Gottsfreecabs offering a lift as he'd decided to come to darts after his wife had kicked him out for the evening we got to the PB nice and early!

At home this week (Yippee) to the Ex Servicemens 'B'

No Uncle Tony* this week for the away side and us being strengthened by the inclusion of DG meant a potential Chesney could be on the cards! That was until our first two doubles lost and we were 0 - 2 down. Skip must have been kicking himself for leaving himself out of the singles this week!!!

2 - 2 and back on track, thanks to the lads that could actually throw a dart unlike the first four we had on (Me, HUD, Fluff, Smasher)!

The legs soon racked up for us looking to secure all the singles matches! DG was 100% so far in all matches this year so he was keen to continue his good form! Unfortunately it wasn't to be this week as he recorded his first loss of the season! He even tried to intimidate his opponent during the leg by switching throwing arms half way through! So Arrogant, LOL!

The result ended 9 - 3 and next weeks match is against the Hearts 'D' away! We'll meet you there I guess Bardy?

Other News

1/ Liar dice legend this week was me! Fluff even commented at times that I was unplayable and started to finally get the idea on how to play the game properly!
2/ Fluff captured on camera calling a taxi after losing at liar dice!

3/ HUD losses his rag when he loses a life at liar dice because he spent 5 minutes in the toilet (he also went there just before it was his turn and not just after)!

4/ Tyler (room stealer) gets huge pat on the back for taking subs from the 'A' team players as Smasher is too lazy to do it!
5/ Skip was out drinking again for the first time this season, get in there my son! Remember this . . .

Joke Corner

1/ How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave!

2/ As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

3/ A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fcuk your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

See you all next week guys
Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip

* He isn't any relation to me that I know of!

A-TEAM REPORT

OMG!

The weeks just go so quickly It's hard to keep up with the blog these days! Maybe it had something to do with Bungle taking my eye out on Friday night and not being able to see out of it until Tuesday!

Before we managed to leave the Pot Black there was just enough time to see a family face. . . . . Liquids was in town and of course the TV legend Peter Wright was too! Peter seems to bump into us each week later, but that's not surprising how big we all are! Stayed to see him throw only 3 darts and yep, 180! Lets hope you have some better results on TV soon Pete!

Away this week to the Marquis 'B'

No Skip this week so I had to double check with the lads that we had enough players during the week! Ash was struggling and Tw@t was away all week so I need someone I could guarantee to be there and shockingly the legend DG was available! Lets hope you can be there every week mate, then maybe Tw@t wont have to play in future!

Well the first thing to concentrate on when Skip leaves me in charge is to not fcuk up the book! Secondly it's sorting out the pairs and finally see if there is anyway of not playing Twat in the singles, LOL!

I didn't make a mistake in the book this week but it does look a bit messy! It's only messy as I was trying to give Skip a full match report on proceedings and ran out of room in places, Sorry!

Pairs

Well putting two great double starters together might have been a mistake as we struggled to shine in the first pairing and went behind! We soon regained control in the next pairing and never looked back from there! Not a great game from me with Tw@t this week especially as we recorded all of his scores this week so he couldn't pretend to anyone that he played better than he did! Serious worked it out that he out scored me in the leg, $hit! At least I got us away!

1 - 0 Snatch-u-ral and Bardy
1 - 1 Serious and Gottsfreecabs
1 - 2 Linx and Tw@t
1 - 3 Smasher and Fluff

Singles

The momentum continued through the singles. Very decent performances from Smasher and Snatch-u-ral and indeed Serious on the cokes! Best moment on the night was certainly not the pinch of my bottom by what Tw@t described as a look-alike to Gollum from Lord of the Rings with extra makeup, but the famous call from a dart player "Is that in"? Fluffy was the player at the oche sitting on 75. First dart went in T17 but the second dart hit the wire of T12!!!! Fluffy sarcastically asked "Is that in", only to find Lou Littler come right across the oche to check and confirm, "NO! that's not in"! Fluffy had to leave the the oche for a minute to compose himself and wait for the enormous laughter to die down! What a magical moment!

Bardy had an awkward result of first doubles, last singles which didn't help him as you can see below!

1 - 4 Linx
1 - 5 Smasher 101, 108, 135
1 - 6 Fluffy
1 - 7 DG
1 - 8 Serious
1 - 9 Snatch-u-ral 121, 140
1 - 10 Tw@t 109 finish
2 - 10 Bardy

Well done lads. Keep the winning going so we can finish above the Hearts!

Other news

1/ On returning to the Pot Black it was an awful atmosphere and almost a bundle with a drunk from the Lake Lothing!!!
2/ Liar dice is the most unfair game in the world!
3/ Audley Harrison won something for the first time since winning an Olympic medal!
4/ Peter Wright does actually drink snakebite!
5/ Liquids had been using the same hairdresser as Peter, but somehow it looked less appealing, lol!

Ever wondered what it would be like to dress up for your wife for a little roll play? Well I'm sure this didn't do the trick for one beautiful lady I know. . . . . . . . .

Purvey Potter


Clever Corner

Watch this, OMG! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=518XP8prwZo:

See you next week lads

Linx
Capt Cob
Vice Skip